posted on Sep, 8 2010 @ 11:01 PM
This is a very long story that I'll make as short as possible.
My mom had me at 16 and my dad bailed. Although my dad wanted nothing to do with me his family accepted me with open arms. I would go to his parents
house (my grandparents) house every weekend and I have been living with them for the past 7 years. While growing up my family life was pretty chaotic.
I'd fight with my mom a lot then at about 18 is when I moved to my grandparents. During these passed years (I'm 27 now) I started working, did a lot
of traveling and of course would talk and see my mom and grandma once in a while but we never had that emotional closeness. My uncle who still lives
with my grandmother (on my moms side) doesn't really talk to me during this entire time. I don't talk to him either. Sometimes when I'd go to my
grandmas house for a visit I'd keep driving if he was there. Why I have no idea.
Anyway recently my mom got married to her boyfriend of about 20 years and I have a brother and sister from them. He recently retired and they bought
this nice house and everything we all went out to eat for my grandma birthday and we were talking and I said I believed in God. After not being a
believer my whole life I finally said I believe. Well we were talking and my grandma mentioned how my uncle was gonna come to the house. This was
gonna be the start of a new chapter...everything coming full circle. I'm a grown adult, my bro and sis are becoming teens, my step dad retired, new
house, my uncle was laid off from his job just like me. Everything was falling into place.
So we're at the house talking about what not and my uncle comes, he shakes my left hand (we're both left handed but he's never done this) I looked
it up and it was a sign of lowering his "shield" a sign of initiation. At this moment I had the most spiritual feeling ever, we were all together
for the first time in a long time. Everyone coming full circle, and then at the moment I just had to leave.
I didn't say anything to him and left. I feel like I walked out on my family, my integrity, my morals, and on God himself. Did I mention my uncle is
my Godfather? To top it off I left to go to a friends who I was a roommate with. This friend introduced me to drugs and that night I went and he just
bought a gun cause we were talking about being able to owns guns so we showed me it while loaded and we smoked. This is a friend no one really trusts
to begin with. I feel like I left my family and God for this douche with a loaded gun and I didn't even flinch and then smoked weed. I feel almost as
if it was the devil himself in that moment. I failed the test of love and then trusted this guy with a gun and drugs.
I really feel spiritually disconnected from my family now and I missed the chance I have been waiting for so long for. I had been through some rough
periods the last 2 years and was really thinking about the entire situation.
To make matters worse I believe that my stepdad and uncle are freemasons and wanted me to become one but I failed the test.
I've been so depressed ever since and feel like my soul is lost. It sounds nuts but what can I say, I missed a great chance at being reborn. Leaving
everything in the past in the past and starting fresh. To open my heart to everyone and become a family "under God" To raise my consciousness to a
I just don't know what to do and feel like I missed my destiny and my calling in life. I knew at that moment it was what I was meant to do and I
think of myself in the universe where I said something and talked about what I've been doing these last few years and open up with them.
I failed big time, I failed at becoming a man, being one with family, one with God.
Anyway, this is the short version.
Btw before and after this I swear I've seen so many signs that CANNOT be coincidence! I feel like with this New Age approaching I'm stuck in the old
one while they moved on. To put it short I really think I'm in hell and going further and further down as time goes by. This happened four months ago
and I visit them and talk to my uncle on email and we've gone places and hung out but Im just not open with them.
Im waiting for the chance where we're all together again to say this to me face to face. I know they feel like I walked out on the family and the
love of God. This was a once in a lifetime chance to be born again and be free of everything in the past!
Life is so fragile...wow.