I choose to have no friends

I live away from people, detached through choice, I don't live in my country of birth and the language here is not one I can speak well or even close to passable. The cultural outlook and behaviour of those who live here is completely alien to anything I've ever known and I often wonder how basic assumptions on functionality tend to be had by those indigenous to this region. I live in a particularly inaccessible part of town and have no passers by.

I have a wife whom I love - she's an absolute workaholic who only has time to spare away from her choice as a hefty toiler with me for a few hours a day at best. This we share in relative peace and serenity.

I disowned my family over a decade ago and left my dwellings with them even earlier at the age of 15, have lived on the streets, lived with the criminal section of society and have dined equally with the cream of the crop on many occasions also.

Almost every hour of my waking day is spent in absolute solitude.

I drink too much and smoke too hard.

I am alone in every possible way conceivable.

And I love it!!

I don't have to react to the tiny dramas that others bring into my life and I don't have to have an opinion on the minutia that fills the humdrum existence of everyday life. My comments are my own and they are backed up by my observations and by outlooks which I concur with through study.

Now don't get me wrong, I can easily interact with a large group and have flowing charisma which either sets me apart from a group or gels the group together - and I choose which to be depending upon the situation. I can be a master manipulator in any group where I am physically present regardless of cultural background, prejudice or intellectual prowess. I can shine like a star and be the centre of attention for any occasion and am often invited to parties or events which I often choose to shun.

I enjoy my solitude.

The reason I enjoy it is because I don't have to deal with people in a face-to-face situation where I can see, hear, smell, touch and deduce their hidden agendas with every second that passes.

Some of us just aspire to be.

Now you; my internet friends, enemies and otherwise are a good outlet for my character. I can deduce, assume, conclude and retract everything I get from you without ever meeting you. I get to take you purely from your text.

I don't need to listen to your inflection, see your outfit, smell what you've eaten or have applied to your body, touch your mobile phone with it's worn keys or background image or apply prejudice upon the surroundings you choose to be in.

I take you for what you are - who you present here is what I take as your character and I can be wrong with it all!!

For me it's refreshing. I still apply my usual methods but can't be as assured with them as I would be with meeting you. Sometimes I get in a terrible fix as I don't understand who someone is - but believe me, were I to meet you I'd get you in a heartbeat and would not feel as much closeness to you as I have for you from a distance.

Sometimes being alone is the best thing for someone to be.

I certainly relish this opportunity I have as it will pass and I will be back into a situation were I must deal with real people again somewhere else in the world. I'll do it as I always have before and I'll do it well. However believe me when I tell you that being back to my own space, time and outlook is all that's on my mind when I'm in such situations and because I have that chance just now I am taking full advantage of it.

If anyone reads this piece which sounds hugely egotistical (which every piece is anyway) please spare me the favour of stars or flags and just share your thoughts upon what I've said or your own thoughts about this kind of situation.

I do enjoy solitude - but I enjoy it amongst others of similar stature

-m0r

OK, thanks for sharing.

I'd imagine anyone fond of voyerism will be thrilled by your thread.

I am merely happy that you enjoy your solitude.

But why are you saying that you have no friends as you just confessed that you do:

Now you; my internet friends, enemies and otherwise are a good outlet for my character. I can deduce, assume, conclude and retract everything I get from you without ever meeting you. I get to take you purely from your text.

It is merely the question about the method you want to interact. Friends, whether off- or online, are friends nevertheless. They might not be your proximity friends, but nevertheless.

-v

Yes, I think a lot of us here are the modern hermits. We choose solitude to think, to create and to find ourselves.

Many works of genius, from art to science, have been created in solitude. When we remove ourselves from outside influence we begin to see truth.

I've also purposely removed myself from society. Sometime soon I'll have to be a part of it again, but I've needed this time to reflect and create.

Sure, it's an egotistical endeavor, but I think it's appropriate in such a case as this to apply a healthy dose of Ayn Randian ideology and accept that the true ego, one unadulterated by petty desires, is the purest expression of our existence.

How does one find that ego? Solitude.

reply to post by v01i0


Decent question and one to which I'll respond candidly.

Someone may consider me their friend due to the mechanisms which exist here on ATS or elsewhere, they may also consider me to be a friend due to my expressions about particular issues. Some of these people I may even consider close enough to include into my online social throng - but needless to say I think that both they and I know that there is nothing more to it that a passing interest in a similar topic or two.

A friend, for me at least, would be someone you are willing to trust.

And by default sharing this with you all means that I both trust you all with this knowledge and don't trust you at all (due to the fact that nothing important from this will occur).

It lies within social values I'd reckon.

Those who understand their limitations both online and off (ask any parent) will know their limits. Some who don't (such as a recent thread about not having any friends at all) will not know these boundaries.

For me the boundaries are always important.

Don't set yourself up to fail by allowing others to get to you. Doing so will only allow that to happen.

Those who befriend you also fall into the same trap of being abused by the so-called friendship they think they've found.

Share, have discourse and ultimately remain anonymous because anything less than that is allowing someone to hold information which is exclusive to them and perhaps a few others.

-m0r

Solitude is one of the greatest things a person can be blessed with.

reply to post by Cobra5000


Really? Do you really think that you have detached yourself from society and still be posting on internet?



-v

I understand and respect your anti-social nature. My nature of course is to wonder why you have such an aversion to face to face social interaction.
What are you afraid of? Have you ever asked yourself that?

Originally posted by NephraTari
My nature of course is to wonder why you have such an aversion to face to face social interaction.
What are you afraid of? Have you ever asked yourself that?

I used to often but it's simple once reasoned out.

I hate seeing hypocrisy and lies and while I try my best to keep it quite and stay unobtrusive into someone's obvious (to me at least) behaviour when I first meet them I get picked up on my small mannerisms by someone else and it all ends up coming out anyway. Granted I sort of don't hide my small mannerisms - but I don't make them obvious either.

It's almost like I'm a catalyst for people to say what is obvious to all.

When I stay out of the way it seems that people are happier to live in their fictional realities than they are in the one I see.

But the thing is people do take stock when I am there and project my observations (however subtle) which means they already know (or suspect) what I am seeing.

It's like an excuse to say what they feel because someone has taken the initiative.

I'm not super, ridiculously insightful or any other brilliant thing that anyone would like to be - I really am just a regular Joe. It just seems to me that not being in the pack seems to let others know that being in the pack ain't anything worth being there for.

I hope I have made myself clear and by the looks of it there are plenty of others who share my outlook when it comes to having people around you when you don't need or wish for them.

I'm not alone in this outlook and I don't think anyone who is truly reasonable with themselves would consider my thoughts wrong.

-m0r

reply to post by m0r1arty


Okay, appreciated your reply.

but needless to say I think that both they and I know that there is nothing more to it that a passing interest in a similar topic or two.

That is (unfortunately?) the case with most relationships.

-v

I think most people deemed "anti-social" just understand how fake most others are.

You could also do like me.

For some reason I get my true friends right, most of the time.

I have about 3 people outside my family that I would trust with anything. I do not get to see them a lot now, but every time we meet, it is as if we had never parted ways.

Pretty much everyone else I consider colleagues, or people "I met", of course I treat these with respect, but know the limits of how close I should get to them.

Some people , I don't know how to explain, but I "feel" the trouble when I am around them haha


Not as lonely as you I guess, but I guess pretty anti-social for today's society heh

Originally posted by depth om
I think most people deemed "anti-social" just understand how fake most others are.

Most people are not fake - they just live by the code which they think society appreciates. Society as a whole can be an asylum of lunatics; If one sees society as insane, more insane one appears in eyes of society.

Most people are so extraverted, that they never really question where society is going, but instead they do everything to gain the respect of the rest. They are not fake, they are just acting as social animals should act - one for all and all for one.

-v

reply to post by v01i0


I'll agree that ATS is a type of social activity. However, and I only speak for myself here, I find that responding on an internet forum is primarily an introspective endeavor. My time on the internet furthers my own understanding of myself and therefore is a selfish and antisocial experience. I don't waste my time on anything else; I don't twitter, I don't text, I don't chat, I don't use facebook. The anonymity of forums such as this would bring it to a pseudo-social activity at best. Because I can't see you I'm removed from the instinctual herd mentality that insists on conformity. In the physical world we tend to subdue aspects of our egos to go with the flow. Everything from gender, race, local custom, facial expressions, tone of voice and clothing influences an individual to act in a certain way. The ego reigns on the internet for specifically this reason of anonymity; chatting with a webbot is equally as social.

I don't mean to take to take away the autonomy of the members here, and I respect everyone here as real-life individuals, but I assume we've all gathered here with the goal of increasing our own knowledge.

reply to post by v01i0


Thanks for summing up the idea. I agree, it's not that they are fake, but more so they are awash in cult-ure.

reply to post by Cobra5000


I understand. Indeed solitude may be good for some. But in the end, there is no need for solitude. As I see it, seeking solitude is another way to distinct yourself from the rest of the world, or so to speak.

But if it rocks your boat, that'll be good.

-v

reply to post by depth om

Originally posted by depth om
reply to post by v01i0

 

I agree, it's not that they are fake, but more so they are awash in cult-ure.

Indeed they are

Then the question is, is there another type of culture - kind of a counter culture - in which those resisting the mainstream belongs? Personally I feel like an observer, not condemning either nor any other forms of culture, just observing them while trying to figure out my own relations to it.

-v

Originally posted by v01i0
Personally I feel like an observer, not condemning either nor any other forms of culture, just observing them while trying to figure out my own relations to it.

-v

But comfortable enough to discuss the mindset of voyeurism...

See to me, at least, that is a form of behaviour that reeks of an emulative 'dis'order (of which there is nothing wrong). You are looking to see what are acceptable boundaries and what is stepping across that invisible line.

A kind of sociopath who looks in to see how to act outside - again nothing wrong with that either. We all learn how to behave from somewhere.

Some find it easily as a child to know how to act or what to say - I certainly did. Those I knew later in life though didn't necessarily know what to do in any given situation and so made their own minds up which sometimes resulted in ostracisation and at other times resulted in worship.

When all is said and done, regardless of how we perform socially, we are left with ourselves and what we have done. For me this is the ultimate epitaph of who we were as existing and as such we should know what it means to be purely ourselves.

I'm impressed that others have come forward and admitted to being similar to how I am and didn't expect anyone to open up to as much but I'm also impressed that those who have have been reflective about what, why and how they do what they have chosen to do.

I think there is an honesty in knowing oneself that allows for change at the drop of a hat rather than sticking to a role due to losing face.

I'm tired just now but will certainly look forward to reading any more insights into the concept of happiness with solitude tomorrow.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this and sorry I don't have enough time or a bigger keyboard to respond to everyone individually.

Those whom I didn't respond to apparently seem to share a similar outlook to myself and those who don't I felt need to better know how I felt.

See you all soon I hope.

-m0r

yes people are fake if you cant see it than god help you..
solitude is very good for working out your head and can be very beneficial for some people,

[edit on 1-9-2010 by Freedom_is_Slavery]

reply to post by m0r1arty


I feel as if I could have written this myself. Thank you for saving me the effort of the attempt to do it. I do know I am slowly fading out of the scene. If I didn't have to work for the couple days I do for bills, I would have completely reached your point as well.

Like you I have run the streets at a young age, dined with the creme, and drank with the homeless man. I owned a bar and definitely know how to smooze. I don't regret any of it and I am glad I was blessed with the early learning to be able to fit the full spectrum.

I also find peace right here in this amazing little box before me. It is as if I have found my mind. The grand library of knowledge.
When I feel the need to interact, I can come here or a few other places that I cherish.

I used to tell people that seem to run in circles looking for love, to just date themselves for awhile and find out what they are all about, but that wisdom always falls on deaf ears!

I dont wish to ramble, the point is, you do have a kindred spirit here responding to your claim of "you."

[edit on 1-9-2010 by yigsstarhouse]

You are not really alone, you have a wife. I would love to have one true friend and companion like you seem to have rather than a hectic busy social life involving dozens of friends, obscene amounts of time on the mobile phone, twitter, facebook, clubs/pubs etc etc Im sure we all know the type of person im talking about...90% of the time i am alone and prefer being so, but that 10% of the time really eats away at you after a while when you have no one to talk to.