I Don't Have Any Friends...

Originally posted by AProphet1233
I feel as if I am drifting through life as an anonymous specter, without a home and no family and no friends, a disconnected cipher alienated from the currents of reality,

I am a loser.

Can I ask you all a question?

If a lonely loner has a brilliant idea but no one cares what he thinks does he really exist?

My only dream is to someday clean the spills off the floor at a local supermarket. And on my walk home I will wonder what other people are feeling as I pass them in the street, imagining what it would be like if they were my friends.

I am a dreamer.

Cheers to the white nights illuminated by my unreality.

I am completely serious when I say this, but you should buy a nice lil pipe or bong and smoke some Marijuana. Personally, I went through some tough times, and in those tough times I became dependent on Cannabis (weed). Obviously it wouldn't help you out if you to became dependent but you should definitely try it out. It gave me a sense of peace and happiness. Made me look at the world differently, and above all, gave me a friend. I know it sounds weird but that plant I smoked, was literally my friend for a while. I still had friends, but I didn't see them too often, and it really did help me out. It was almost as if when I got high I was a different person, in a positive way. So basically I was bouncing ideas and conversation off of myself. -- I have to wrap it up because I have to go here shortly but yeah, give it a try.

That being said, if it's not your thing, then don't bother, it's not for everyone. Also, whether or not you choose to do so, you still need to try and get a friend. Not FRIENDS, but a FRIEND. You don't need several friends, okay? Just one will do perfectly fine. Don't just get any ole friend either. Get one who understands your thoughts and motives etc. Trust me on that one. I have a best friend who I get along great with, we can do just about anything together (not in a gay way), but when it comes to talking about my universal point of view (the things I like), he is an ignorant blind toddler when it comes to # like that. And it sucks, cause I really don't have anyone to bounce my intelligent discussion off of.

Get a good friend, if all else fails, then do what I said before. I'd also like to say that is a very temporary 'fix' (fix is a bad word, its more like a bandaid). Like I said, you don't want to be dependent on something that isn't alive. You shouldn't really be dependent on anything, now that I mention it.

OP this thread has so shown that you do.

Modern society can make us soo alienated.

As many have said and really enjoyed the contributions I think everyone has had these feelings at one time or another.

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Maybe next year OP could be "I have too many Friends How Do I Choose?"

Love

Elf

I just want to say that this thread has made me realize that now matter how bad things get there is always hope. Ive been feeling a lot of gloom lately for a lot of reasons and every positive thing I see means a lot.

reply to post by AProphet1233


If you're still a reader here, you're a friend to me.

To call yourself a loser, it says you still care much for what others think.

I say screw the world. Your life is far too short to burden yourself with trying to please anyone other than yourself.

You don't have to be a bad or selfish person to find happiness. You only have to learn what makes you happy and immerse yourself in it, provided it does not harm anyone else.

I believe in karma. I also believe that what you learn in your time here is very relevant to you in what happens after your life is over.

So spend your time here learning. Let your self-improvement be your motivation every day. F%$@ anyone that is an obstacle to that achievement. Greedy and wealth-obsessed people, vain and prideful / arrogant people, you need not ever take them into your life's consideration.

Let them play the shallow empty games they enjoy. They take nothing but bad karma with them after they die.

But you'll have something with you that NO ONE can ever take from you.

Peace.

Oh Dear Lonely Poster,
You epitomize the age in which you live. Our families, and communities are broken. So many of us have become transient by virtue of following our educational opportunities or our work. Those who stay in one place learn to become leary of reaching out to newcomers, they have too often felt the heartbreak when they move away. So, to the newcomer they seem cold and uncaring.
People also are afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of ridicule. Afraid of how their thoughts will be construed. So they tend to stay in their same small herd in which they have learned to be comfortable.
And, the internet offers us the opportunity to reach out and share interests with others. It allows us to learn and laugh and share with people that we will never meet. That part of it is wonderful. And it is so much easier to schedule than a dinner for eight on a night when nobody has to work, and everyone who has kids can get a sitter....
But. if it weren't for the interent, we would probably place more importance on real life interaction.
We would probably be more likely to smile at a new person.
To take the chance.
So don't feel like it is you.
It is all of us.
Every person who has ever denied you friendship. Either outright, or through laziness, has denied it to themselves too.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
But just look at all of the stars, flags, and more importantly, responses, that you got for your post.
Your are certainly not alone.
You, like so many of us, are just adjusting to this strange new way of the world.
It has perks.
But it has downsides too.
Balance is probably key.

I am glad that you are here at ATS. And I hope that all of these responses make you feel less lonely.
And how funny is it I wonder, would you have had the courage to say this to any of us face to face?
And would any of us have had the courage to answer?

Why would this OP get 85 flags and 65 stars? Just for whining to the forum? Man, I know how to harvest flags and stars now, if I really want to!

OP, I would say you have issues. "Loser" is a nonsense term, a label made by a society that sets its standards of what has value and what does not, inflicted on others to harass and demean them. Being alone makes you a loser? Only if you're playing society's game, and accepting society's standards of which pursuits have value and which do not. Since I know that society's "standards" are slightly above that of the average animal, I do not share them. In that way I am elevated and enlightened.

The common denominator on this topic is in no way correct. The 9 people who are not socially anxious are not "better" than the 1 person who is, unless that one person is foolish enough to allow the majority to dictate his or her idea of how to live. A majority being loud and persistent in their opinion doesn't make the minority wrong. I am personally less social than the average person, and I am comfortable with my level of social interaction. I am not disposed to being social all the time, nor would I ever want to be. I am allowed to be me, I am allowed to enjoy the things I want to enjoy, even if many of them are alone.

If you can stop believing what other people tell you, and determine what kind of life you actually want, and how many friends you actually want, and then if you still think you aren't happy, then feel free to make a change. Just don't be bullied into it.

reply to post by AProphet1233


I have found that true friends are more rare than anything in this world. It seems that making connections and having soul bonds are a thing of the past. I myself seek my own solitude because I find it more comforting than dealing with hypocrisy, denial and people's ignorance. I have learned to enjoy my reclusivity and share the information I know when it feels right to do so. Then I find myself returning to my solace in exhaustion. Somehow it seems that people take a lot out of you and giving in a world where most people are desperate ends up being imbalanced. They seek you out and want everything you have and all the answers that they don't want to work towards themselves. If it were possible I would like to just go to a 3rd world country and help the destitute and poor. That kind of giving has a balance.

I don't think I can have foot, loose and fancy free fun anymore. Not with what I know and what I see around me. I have never lived in Voltaire's garden of ignorance, hence that form of happiness eludes me. I think we are all very lonely and longing for connection with the source of life and light.

We live in a world where nothing makes sense anymore in a reality of vortexes that are filled with meaningless distractions and a technology that has taken us away from everything human. You are not alone and perhaps maybe in this you can at the very least feel that we here, who have answered you are reaching out to you. Your words express a heart and soul that is here for a precious reason. That alone is marvelous. After all we are here to serve in one capacity or other and not to be served.

reply to post by AProphet1233


How nice is it to feel wanted and needed? Then you are wanted so much that time for yourself seems a rather attractive option. I understand the need for companionship, some need this more than others but feel that if we were really happy and content with who we are as people, we would not be so bothered by being on our own. I rather enjoy time to myself, silence and solitude whenever i get the chance but balance this with family, friends and peers. My father always said that you will always be able to count your true friends on one hand, how right he was. I would rather have few real friends than hundreds of acquaintances.

Originally posted by AProphet1233
I feel as if I am drifting through life as an anonymous specter, without a home and no family and no friends, a disconnected cipher alienated from the currents of reality,

I am a loser.

Can I ask you all a question?

If a lonely loner has a brilliant idea but no one cares what he thinks does he really exist?

My only dream is to someday clean the spills off the floor at a local supermarket. And on my walk home I will wonder what other people are feeling as I pass them in the street, imagining what it would be like if they were my friends.

I am a dreamer.

Cheers to the white nights illuminated by my unreality.

Your only solid proof of your existance would be the effect that you have on the world around you. If are not effecting the world around you than how will you know that you exist?

Originally posted by MollyStewart
My father always said that you will always be able to count your true friends on one hand, how right he was. I would rather have few real friends than hundreds of acquaintances.

I don't need any fingers to count the true friends I've had throughout life.

They're as invisible as the air we breathe.

I don't need any fingers to count the true friends I've had throughout life. They're as invisible as the air we breathe.

reply to post by curious7


Ah well, then perhaps that other old saying is true? "To have a good friend one must first be a good friend." Friendship like all relationships require work on behalf of both parties. Sometimes they are just work period! Still worth it.

Originally posted by MollyStewart

I don't need any fingers to count the true friends I've had throughout life. They're as invisible as the air we breathe.

reply to post by curious7

 

Ah well, then perhaps that other old saying is true? "To have a good friend one must first be a good friend." Friendship like all relationships require work on behalf of both parties. Sometimes they are just work period! Still worth it.

I know what you're saying but I'm constantly told by people that I'm a good friend and a good person but then those friends and acquaintences always end up disappearing.

Can't explain it but I've never treated anyone badly and yet have nothing while people who are complete dicks to others all the time get everything. Weird how that works.

I know what you're saying but I'm constantly told by people that I'm a good friend and a good person but then those friends and acquaintences always end up disappearing. Can't explain it but I've never treated anyone badly and yet have nothing while people who are complete dicks to others all the time get everything. Weird how that works.

reply to post by curious7

Perhaps you just need to be more selective about the people you chose to be friends with or at least more discerning? In the end, aren't you better off with no friends rather than unreliable, unpleasant people who couldn't give a flying fox? Seriously; I have two friends, one is an old school friend from secondary school, and another who is so busy with her own family 4 kids one is 6 months old and both live interstate so I hardly ever see them.
But friends they are, and my daily life revolves around my own family so it is not something I miss terribly. My partner is my closest friend but I didn't count that because it's a given really. Life is what we make it but I empathize with what you are saying. It seems in this throwaway society even friendships are disposable to many people. It's the rise of the selfish generation and these are the people who will suffer hardship badly. C'est las vie!

Originally posted by MollyStewart
reply to post by AProphet1233

 

How nice is it to feel wanted and needed? Then you are wanted so much that time for yourself seems a rather attractive option. I understand the need for companionship, some need this more than others but feel that if we were really happy and content with who we are as people, we would not be so bothered by being on our own. I rather enjoy time to myself, silence and solitude whenever i get the chance but balance this with family, friends and peers. My father always said that you will always be able to count your true friends on one hand, how right he was. I would rather have few real friends than hundreds of acquaintances.

OR

You could get your sense of self-worth from personal achievement and not rely on the world at large for validation. Just a thought.

reply to post by tangonine

OR You could get your sense of self-worth from personal achievement and not rely on the world at large for validation. Just a thought

Yep, personal achievement is another good avenue for validating self worth. Volunteering is another plus you get to meet plenty of lovely people.

reply to post by AProphet1233


Maybe you just refuse to use the term friend loosely.



I have one and you can never say you have none.

reply to post by tangonine


Hey man its cool this guy ^ doesn't either

OP, I too am in the same position as you. I'm so full of ideas, inventions and art but what good is it when no one is around to see it? Even when posting on the internet I am ignored. So I appreciate everyone who's chimed in and told the OP he is not a loser, but i can certainly understand why he thinks he is. I know I think I am a lot. And on the flip side, I try to make myself feel better by reassuring myself that: no, you're not a loser. maybe people are just jealous or threatened by your genius. sounds conceited but telling myself that keeps me going I guess. If not for a tad bit longer. People need encouragement to survive. And if you don't get it from others, you feel you have to be the one encouraging yourself. Not to be conceited at all.

I don't talk to anyone or hang out with anyone (I get no calls or invitations). People say, well that's your fault for not being more outgoing. NO..this is not so. I have called people only to get this awkward tone of voice like.. "Oh...hi?" And of course being embarrassed and ashamed I will quickly end the conversation and let the person go...never calling them back.

No one remembers my name. People have called me by my friends name in high school. Or some people (like people I've worked with) never call me by my correct name but an odd variation of it. A name that rhymes with my real name (Cheri, Mary, Jeri)...

I've pretty much given up on social interactions. Do I really want it anymore? I used to but now I don't think so. What am i missing out on? Many of my encounters with people have been full of animosity and rude/bullying behaviour (aimed at myself)! I've gotten so used to being alone. It's like I was meant to be alone.

I don't trust FB being a See Eye A owned entity... yet I am still on there with all 14 "friends"...yes, that many. None of whom contacts ME. I always have to comment on their page or write to them to ever hear from them (and even then only half the time do i get any acknowledgement that they saw my post)... except when they need something urgently like a phone number or an email address of a professor from university. It's really aggravating and depressing. --I DON'T WANT TO FORCE ANYONE TO BE MY FRIEND.---

People think the internet is the answer but it isn't. Has my social life improved with the internet? No. I am even ignored on forums a lot of times. People make cliques on message boards and I am never in any of them. It's like in high school with the s--t really hit the fan. I was the nomad. I would go from one group to the next to "just visit"... until it got to the point where I sat a lone at lunch in front of the library. I don't think anyone missed me really.
Looking into conspiracies and paranormal events make me feel like I'm doing something important even if I get ridiculed for it. I don't really have much else.

Sorry for the essay. Hopefully OP will know he is not alone. There are other loners out there trying to get by in an extroverts world.

not everyone must have hundreds of fake friends like facebook says we should
some people are happier to have one or two close friends, and some are happier alone.

I also really don't have any friends....but I'm okay with that. I have people move in and out of my life...like work friends, and I just try to appeciate them while they are around. I also see other people that seem to have lifelong friends or a group of good friends and it will make me feel bad if I let it. But I push those feelings away and just enjoy my life friendless. I think it is some what free-ing not to be tethered by other people opinions, demands, expectations. When I do get together with people, I just appreciate those moments for what they are....and move on.

Don't let it make you feel like a freak, because you're not. Enjoy life your way and love yourself!!