I Don't Have Any Friends...

A touching thread.

There are a lot of lonely people in this World.
I’ve been there and it’s one of the worst feelings you can imagine. The thought that no-one cares can rip your heart in two.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard people say “ I don’t know what I’d have done..” or “ I’d not be here if it wasn’t for my friends” when they were going through a rough patch.
Being alone and coping with the hardships that life can throw at you, makes you a more self reliant and stronger person.

You have to love yourself, look at what makes you a good person, self hatred can eat you up and twist your own perception of yourself. Walking around loaded with self hatred can outwardly show in the way you interact with others, possibly making you seem aloof.

Don't get wraped up in negative thoughts about yourself. Look for the positive, you sound like a decent chap.

Loving yourself and your life will, even without thinking about it, make others want to get to know you, this happy confident person.

Most people have self doubt or are self conscious at times, even the body beautiful and popular. Look at how many celebrities end up in rehab, when most people think they have perfect lives.

Best wishes OP

Jono

Now that most of my friends moved away I'm fine with no friends at all, makes my day. There are people like me that enjoy being lonley, alone. There are people that enjoy being alone. It's not such a big deal, your best friends can cause damage, people that you least expect. I would go crazy if I did not have time on my own.

I'll be your friend You're probably a great friend but unknowingly XD

If you keep perceiving yourself as a loser drifting through life, then how do you think the outside world views you?

I have very few friends (can count them on one hand) but they are fiercly loyal and I can count on them for anything, as they can me. For me, the biggest part of any relationship (friendship included) is unwavering honesty, and most people can't handle that. Most people want to be lied to, even if it's a little bit.

Women especially make me laugh when they tell me that they want "honesty above all other things", then when you're honest with them, they split. If you ask me a question, expect an answer, most people can't handle that. "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Why, yes, honey, it does". Don't play the "fishing for compliments" game with someone who says it like it is. If you deserve a compliment, you'll get one ! BTW, for all you doubters out there, my longest relationship with a woman was over 10 years. Some women CAN handle it.

Now, acquantances, I probably have over a thousand. However, I wouldn't count ANY of these as friends.

reply to post by AProphet1233


I have always kept few friends. But for the past few years, that number has approached zero at times. One friend I have now won't talk on the phone, and one won't use email.
I think a lot of this type of thing has to do with whether some of us want to be part of the crowd. I don't, and have never felt happy when I've tried. I despise sports.I frequently have referred to typical socialization as "milling about with the herd".
I've always been happy with just a monogamous love relationship. When I have one, I find that I become more social.

Live with it.
J/K

Some people do better than others.
I suggest you get a pet dog or monkey or something.

OP, reading these replies it looks like many can relate, several are willing to be a friend and you've received some excellent ideas. I hope you pursue you idea and do something with it. It doesn't hurt to try.

Personally, I have found having friends to be way over rated. People by nature see to prey on each other. I've known way too many people I thought were friends but over time I realized they were just around to get what they could.

A lot of people in high school have friends they think will be around forever. After graduation a few immediately disappear to their family business, college or military, poof! and they're gone. A few will hang out a few more years. By age 25 - 27 most guys have lost all their friends to the evil Wedding Altar -brrr!!!- Marriage has its own priorities.

Meanwhile maybe you've made friends at night school, work of the local bar but they just come and go. When it comes down to it, most people are more like associates. You know them for a while and life goes on. I think you are in a majority of people. Most of us don't have friends, and most of us feel like losers if our heads allow that kind of trip.

Something I realized is the so-called Winners of the World are the actual freaks. You know the types. The ones society tells us are the beautiful people, the chosen ones. We are raised in a society of other peoples pre-formed notions in place to guide & control us. Every high school across America has the football team and the cliche handsome & talented Johnny Quarterback all-American type with his girlfriend Susy Creamcheese, who is the head Cheerleader. She's so pretty. They are destined to be King & Queen of the Prom.

This young couple, this scenario is acted out in schools all across America. Someone else's idea of beauty or talent or athletic prowess. All the other teen beans, uncomfortable in their very skin and suffering from the hell that being a teenager is, have this shoved down their throats. They are made to feel like they are less, like they are not as pretty or charismatic or talented or whatever. And that is wrong. This is part of the control that we go through.

Now look at the schools. Say the average HS holds 2500 students. Each school has one Johnny Quarterback / Susy Creamcheese couple that are displayed like the topping of a wedding cake. That is 2498 to 2.

2,498 students in every average HS have these 2 cliche stereotypes propped up to ooh and ahh upon. Know what I realized. WE are in the majority, the everyday regular people. It's those 2 up on the stage, in the spotlight, that are the 'freaks' of the show. We are trained early on to feel inferior and lacking. And that is wrong.

I saw the light and I hope you do too. You don't have to let others rent space in your head. You are NOT a loser. God does not make junk. You are a good person. We are all unique; we beat the odds simply by being born. Me, I'm not going to let the fake machinations of living dictate who I am or how I feel about myself. Just like you, I am a unique individual with my own thoughts and views, good points and bad points.

The example I used seems to repeat throughout life. That's why we have millions of people running at top speed through their lives, blind as bats, chasing the brass ring that someone else is always holding just out of their grasp. Our lives are full of false heroes and huge distractions. It's always the other guy getting the promotion, the new car, the beautiful wife. But it's all BS. They are miserable, unfulfilled, empty. Wasting their lives running the rat race, getting no where fast, like a gerbil on a exercise wheel. Screw that.

Hold your head up, follow your dreams, let your light shine. This is your time, right here, right now. I hope things go well for you.

Through my 27 years of observations on this Earth i've generally found that people are only 'friends' with each other if one or both have something to give in return. Nothing happens like it does in the Disney movies, even Love is materialistic because people have expectations of the person you either are or define you by what you have in material possession that they can claim for themselves.

I say screw 'friends' and focus more on the things that you want to do. In the end they'll most likely ditch you over a petit disagreement, or some other reason anyway. Were all on a spiritual journey for each individual reasons, don't go out of your way and off the path just to 'fit in' by whats expected of you from anyone else.

"Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality."

Our life is all about relationships with other people. Unfortunately, not many if any will be there for us at our lowest points or darkest hours. And that's the reality, that's when you truly learn about a friendship.
Your soul- is your own compass in this life and best friend in this world who will always guide and never betrays you.
Having a real friendship is like finding your true soul mate or winning the lottery... what are the chances? But for those very few I'd say they are truly blessed, friendship is sacred.

"Friendship is the shadow of the evening, which increases with the setting sun of life."

I also have no friends. A couple people I used to work with still call me now and then but I have no use for them really.

I find most people are completely self absorbed. When i talk to anybody, not just friends, I listen to what they have to say and then try to respond to them. The majority of people dont give me the same respect. They dont pay attention or think about what im saying, just think about what they are gonna say next.

I'm more than willing to blame it on being a dull person in general but the more I was around people it becamr clear, its not me.. its them.

reply to post by canadiansenior70


just read your post

nice. i was in crash too. year in hospital. heart failure some lung removed. kidney gone, 2/3rds liver, pins plates. then cancer.. i got no friends either ha ha.. not funny. i just signed back up for ATS after many years of not coming here..

i like this thread.. some good stories

Originally posted by AProphet1233
I feel as if I am drifting through life as an anonymous specter, without a home and no family and no friends, a disconnected cipher alienated from the currents of reality,


I am a dreamer.

All you have said adds up to you hearing the beat of a different drum...

and you are lamenting your not sharing the Herd Mentality...getting swooned by pop culture fluff...

feel very glad that your a side step off the proven path of failure which the other 98% have chosen to follow

Dear AProphet1223,

I can't believe I'm doing this, but I think it may be what you need. These here are the lyrics to a once popular pop song perfomred by John Cougar Mellonhead. If this is a no-go, watch the movie 'Repo Man' several times and absorb it's message. You will be transcended. Peace!

"Play Guitar" by john Cougar Mellonhead

You may drive around in your town
Ina brand new shiny car
Your face in the wind your haircut's in
And your friends think you're bizarre
You may find a cushy job and I hope that you go far
But if you really want to taste some cool success
You better learn to play guitar
[Chorus:]
Play guitar-play guitar [3x]
You got your eye on the cheerleader queen
You're walkin' her home from school
You know that she's only seventeen
She's gonna make you a fool
You know you can't touch this stuff
Without money or a brand new car
Let me give you some good advice young man
You better learn to play guitar
[Chorus]
All women around the world want a phony rock star
Who plays guitar
You can pump your iron and shine your shoes
And wear your hair just right
You go down out on cruisin' street
'Cause you want to score tonight
Ra da ra da ra da
And you really want to show your scars
Forget all about that macho #
And learn how to play guitar
[Chorus]

Dear OP,

Let me congratulate you first for posting this question that has been eating up your brain for quite a long time.
I can confess as many others in this post have that I to a large extent belong to your category of 'friendlessness' at times.I do have few friends ...just few to count ..yeah less that fingers on my one palm and at times i too encounter these thoughts of loneliness but after reading replies from so many great/inspiring persons in this forum I feel reassured with my original thoughts that yes....we all come alone here and will die alone...and life is just a journey not a destination... so enjoy your journey as much as you can ...I feel sometimes losing conrol of your life is best way to get it under control. let things fall in place by themselves. ...you are strong,brilliant and can handle your life.Stay with those thoughts and you will find good people today or later....
Just like the way you put this post and got so many answers And I am glad i came across your post that helped me clear those negative clouds hovering in my mind. Thanks from your new friend .

My younger brother, 31 years old, drank himself to death in April, 2011. He dropped out of high school, our dad died when he was 15, our mom did nothing but enable him. I didn't help, as I was the first child and the overachiever and stood solid as all that he'd never be.

I lettered 3 years in football, 2 years in basketball, was the lead in the school play, won state in speech & drama. I have 4 degrees, served 13 years in the military, traveled the world, was a master DI, and got a 6 figure salary with a defense contractor when I left the service. He... dropped out after his freshman year of high school and never held a job making more than $6/hour in his life.

He was lost. I tried to reach out to him for years, but the barrier was too thick and he wouldn't even talk to me.

After he died, I learned that he influenced a great number of people, and I'd have to say that more people mourned his loss, by a factor of about 10, than would mourn mine. It's unfortunate, or... fortunate.

The point is, OP, that it's not what you do.... material achievements and all that crap in my second paragraph mean exactly zero. It's the bonds you form with people, and your heart that matter the most. Be kind. Be giving. Be selfless.

Don't think of you, think of the person in line in front of you in walmart and ask them how their day is going. Smile at everyone. Go out of your way to genuinely ask that person at Taco Bell that gave you that double decker taco how, really, they're doing, make eye contact, and mean it. It takes some time to get into the groove, but, like everything worthwhile, if you work at kindness, you will be floored by the results.

I am new to ATS,i can't post a question until 20 replies.But i am desperate to ask a question since,i feel my life is drifting apart.please help.I am a short guy,constantly worried about looks,about what people will think of me and if everyone are judjing me?i usually worry or get pinned down to anything someone says to me harshly.I am in college and have no friends,in school i was popular and haD lot of friends since i was in a hostel and i speak to all of them over phones or facebook never in contact,since i am worried,what will they think of me or judge me,for i am out of hostel and can be who i am.in college too,i have axquaintances but i dont open up to anybody and always never try to make friends.and i worry that if i dont have friends i am a loser and a subject of mockery. i dont know what i am saying.please help!!i beg u all for a good solution!!

The Universe is your friend it has nothing but love to share with you.

I found that, prior to the age of 21, and after age 18, it was pretty cool being friends with like-others. But humans are also animals. In the wild, animals and birds become territorial and sometimes fight to the death over sex priveledges and nesting. In my late 20' all through my 30's, I experienced this with -prospective- 'friends': Women were highly jealous, insecure, and competetive, and men would hit on me, and covertly so, if they were married and living with someone. One stalked me on the telephone. During my inpatient stay in the VA hospital, cuz I'm a Veteran, they gender-mixed highly vulnerable fragile people on a floor. I became friends with a guy there, and he declared his romantic feelings for me. I said it's not mutual, and he left the grounds and committed suicide. He was having other (outside family conflicts over his SS) but I cried and cried and blamed myself. Then I was assigned a (Oh My God, really handsome, looked like Prince William) social worker who began visiting me at night to see how I was doing. Other Social Workers went spazmotic when they found out.

Today, the only friends I hang out with now, are my blood family. My surviving parent, and siblings. We are all 50's-to-70's, but it's like we are all a bunch of same-age friends. It's extremely cool and I appreciate it so much, I don't have adequete words.

reply to post by AProphet1233


I feel that way a lot myself. I would describe it as feeling "invisible". Anyway, I decided to do something about it. Being overlooked by society just means that you haven't done anything to be noticed yet, so spend your time being invisible and planning what you can personally do to impact the people around you. Spend time helping others out, in fact, help them so much that you become indispensable!!! People will start paying attention to you soon enough.

My issue is that I cannot even trust my closest friends, so even when I am surrounded by friends and aquaintences, I rareley if ever feel as if I belong - that being said, in leadership positions, I can be impersonal without sounding callous.

Imagine if I were to speak in a similar manner to which I type - I would be a "total weirdo" according to thier standards of what is "normal" - although I probably sound like a "square" to you.