posted on Aug, 26 2010 @ 12:07 PM
I write this with a heavy heart. I guess you would call this a message in a bottle. I really need to get this off my chest and get it out there. So if
you will give me your time and eyes for a brief minute or two, I would be ETERNALLY grateful.
I've been on the most mind boggling spiritual/mental experience for the past 2 years. I have experienced almost every single mental "disease"
known to man in my uphill battle against insanity and depression. What used to drive me insane is now just a walk in the park most of the time.
However, the rabbit hole seems to go deeper and deeper draining my ability to find common ground with some frame of reference. I already know from
the texts and testimonials of this world, that this is the wilderness that awaits any human being striving to find his/her purpose in the World.
Throughout what would seem like Thousands of lifetimes I have lived within my mind, taking different forks in the road, I have always found myself
back at the original question. "What am I supposed to do here?".
I agree with the teachings of the Christ, buddha in terms of their ability to reveal all truth, regardless of the cryptic appearance of their
teachings. The reason I agree so much with these ancient teachings is because it matches almost perfectly with my own walk in life. There's comfort
in exterior confirmation when you are in the deep wilderness of an aimless life.
So, I know that I was born a slave here. I know that those who can't see, don't see yet. I know there is a God and I know that there are few paths
of life that lead to the promise land, the heaven on Earth that we are ALL striving superficially to achieve. But being born in America, the wrong way
of living has been so ingrained into my being, I find it difficult to let go of my shackles. Yes, I know it is all fear, and one must seek to conquer
But, no matter where I look, I find myself in bondage with the Dollar. Everything I need to survive in this Country, requires me to whore myself for
worthless paper doing pointless work. To make matters worse, the jobs that used to give you a shred of dignity are quickly being replaced with
production-less institutionalized corporate graves. Look at all of the most sucessfull companies of today and you will find that they produce
absolutely NOTHING, and contribute absolutely NOTHING to the world (Google, facebook.. Dot coms). Not to mention these cancerous corporations that
have mastered the art of repackaging the same old crap and reselling it to us with prettier colors (Car companies, computer manufacturers, Apple,
Microsoft, Ford, Aircraft mfgs, Clothing companies, almost everything! is recycled junk released one version at a time). One begins to wander if he
is going to have to be in servitude to these types of industries in order to survive.
The deeper I have gone in my spiritual journey, the more I began to see the clear face of Satan himself and thus the realization of the Christ
conscience. I learned the importance of learning the true definition of happiness and joy, earlier in life. Because that is usually the thing you are
going to be chasing your entire life. If you were taught a lie that happiness is getting good grades and job reviews, promotions, money, cars,
popularity, toys, houses, ownership, you could spend your entire life empty and unfulfilled. Even the Elite are blind to the foolishness of it all ,
Satanic or otherwise.
That is where I find myself. I am fully awake from a complete Lie about everything I've been taught was right and correct. I have learned that Love
is the only true answer, but I'm painfully aware that in order to have it on Earth we have to wait on the masses of those who are still fighting and
I have also experienced the totem animal spirits of the Bear, a T-Rex type animal, Ape-like animal, Falcon and briefly an Eagle. I am currently being
visited by a Panther and can't seem to navigate myself out of this state of solitude and isolation...perhaps I am just beginning my journey.
Currently, I find myself trying to figure out a way to achieve the spiritual freedom that comes with unconditional love for EVERYTHING. To have no
want or need of anything whatsoever but Love. But like you, I have hatred, fear and pain in places deeper than my conscious mind can see. Thus the
long struggle and repetitive trials I am going through to dig it all out.
I realize that I have not only been a slave my entire life, in servitude to others for provision of my life's wants and needs, but that I am a
Prisoner in my own home. There are billions of people who are blindly contributing to the killing of freedom and all the crime, misery and emotional
problems that it creates.
There doesn't seem to be a way to wake all of them up, especially the cops, armed forces and all the other blind gun toting goons we foolishly put
our trust in.
It feels like we are too late to the party. We have been herded into a room, and there seems to be no way out because of the masses of people
constantly running in.
We are being disrespected and treated like cattle, yet we tolerate it because we want a paycheck. They dangled a big bag of fear under our feet by
crashing the economy, and now we are running faster than ever into the room. Blind, stupid and full of pride.
I have spent many weeks in the conclusion that I have been spectacularly set up to fail and ultimately blame myself without assistance from others
and I can't seem to find the freedom that's on the other side of that.
On top of all of that, I have become aware of alien intelligence, felt the affects of EMF and Soundwave technologies. Aware of 4th and 5th
dimensional travels, and the biggest enemy of them all... Lower Astral beings or Demons. This is all from my journeys in meditation and
contemplation. So on top of the self worthlessness we all have for ourselves, evident in the things we pursue, tangled in a system of money, faced
with poverty and endless servitude among a crowd of happy idiots, we have the massive satanic effort to destroy us through poison, bullets and bombs.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that we are TRULY in the end of days. So if that's the case...what's the point of my life? Am I
supposed to open a church or something? Or go out and feed the poor? :/ be homeless myself?