posted on Aug, 22 2010 @ 03:51 AM
I was told I was bi-polar manic depressive and it took me seeking out help to realize what it really was because I knew something wasn't right. I had
all the markers of someone who was bi-polar. The biggest sign was my spending. I would shop like crazy but I had the income to be able to do so, so in
my eyes it was no big deal but I always had buyers remorse. It was like shopping was my high and when I was done I realized I didn't need any of it.
I almost always returned everything the next day. I returned 400 dollars worth of clothes to one store. They were not happy but I knew I had every
right to return it.
It started with anxiety and panic attacks after a breakup that was abusive. I also hated the job I had which ironically enough I am back
there...Anyway I noticed changes in myself and sought help but it took a few years to get anyone to listen and not think I was just a pill junkie
looking for a fix. You would not believe what I would be told at the hospital when I would go in with full on panic attack. I had a ER doctor tell me
he didn't believe in mental health. He told me to go home and meditate (which is great) and then he told me that I was a scorpio and what I was
experiencing was normal. I was dumb founded. I am personally very spiritual but I didn't think he should be saying that to me at the hospital. It
was very frustrating so I started to research various mental illnesses and came across BP and instantly knew but I needed validation of it. I
literally cried and didn't feel so crazy anymore. When I finally found a doctor who would help me (I had no insurance) that is what he diagnosed me
as.. I was put on 800mg of seroquel a day. I was a ZOMBIE and the first time I took it I passed out in 10mins mid sentence. I had to fight the effects
of it at first so I could properly work and function. My motor skills and speak were highly affected. I fell asleep in the movie theater once and when
I woke I freaked so I called my bf to come get me. I didn't like what it was doing to me. I gained 32lbs, I am 5'2" and usually 110. I gained that
weight in a month. I have really bad upper digestive problems because of it now. The only thing I liked was that I slept 8hrs a night. I normally
sleep 4-5, 6 if I am lucky. I have very bad insomnia so sometimes I sleep 2-3 hrs. Well after much thought I took myself off of it against my doctor
at the times wishes. I told them I would rather find another way to deal with it than go through life in a coma. I again went back studying bi-polar
and manic depression. I looked at every site I could find. I haven't been on my medicine in 4 years and I couldn't be happier.
What worked for me was getting to know this "disease" which personally I don't really consider it a disease. I learned to recognize signs and
triggers as to what causes me to have an "episode" or go into a high manic state. I am completely different now and my friends and family have all
noticed it. I know people who are on seroquel and they are fine however. I personally have a low tolerance for pharmaceutical meds. I almost always
have adverse reactions. Other things helped but I can't discuss that on here due to the terms and conditions. I will say my doctor is fully aware and
supports it. I use to see a psychiatrist every month but I haven't done that in two years. I feel that my own determination to kick BPs butt was what
helped me. I didn't like who I was and I knew it wasn't me. I really believe that my abusive relationship is what triggered it. I was told I had a
form of post traumatic stress by counselors for women who have been in that situation. I usually don't talk about it but I do know what it is like to
have those feelings when you are bi-polar..
As for what you could do...
I would suggest maybe finding a hobby you can do around the house or outside that would keep you busy. Is there anything you enjoy? I found reading
and keeping a journal helps. I am able to vent and let it out in a journal without anyone yelling back. I use MS word and it's password protected so
nobody who is on my computer can view. Just make sure you never forget it, it can't be resent to you.
I found out the hard way. Took me forever to
figure my PW out lol
I am sorry about your friend and heartache. I too know how that can be as I have been there. As for your heart ache I just want to say it will get
better as will everything else. Just think positive, it really does help and I use to think it was silly to say "affirmations" in the morning. It
really does make me feel better to pat myself on the shoulder so to speak. About your friend the only thing I can say is to wait it out. If he is a
true friend he will come around. I won't ask the circumstances as they are none of my beeswax I have had a friend who I have known for 20 years and
she is currently mad at me. She has dont this before and we always just let it cool off and one day one of us calls. I can only say give it time
depending on the circumstances. I really do hope things work out for you.
I still have moments where I feel "it" starting to come on and that is when I snap out of it so to speak. I catch certain things and I immediately
stop but like I said this has taken me years to be able to do. I am not advocating people who are BP to stop their meds I am just telling my story
dealing with it. It really helped me to read about it in depth. I joined forums and talked to others who were BP.
Do you take anything now??
Sorry for the long post but this is a topic I enjoy because of my personal experience with it. I don't talk about it much but I felt like I should
Best of luck to you