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Crash of Thunder

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posted on Aug, 20 2010 @ 01:57 AM
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Well, here we go. I'm nervous like an elephant in a laboratory filled with mice. Lemme have it tho - I need to know if this is good, or even at best...okay. Enough talking, now with the pasting. Hope everyone enjoys


XXXXXXXXX

Crash of Thunder

Running amidst the crowd at the annual town fair, bare feet splashed in the wet grass. The young boy was happy, content, and exuberant. His friend was less enthused but maintained a weakening smile, her youthful cheeks giving from constant work. Every so often a drop of water ran down their cheeks and sometimes their arms and their legs. Both of them were wearing shorts and sleeveless white shirts on a warm summer’s night. During their run of joy and uncertainty raindrops started to fall once again. A crash of thunder and flash of lightening hit the ground in an immense moment of confusion. Without even stuttering they carried on their mission to the end. End of the line, end of the road, end of eternity is when they will stop spending their time together. There was nothing wrong anywhere things were perfect or so they would be at the end.

Suddenly a clearing up ahead, and everyone became dust. What had happened? Where did everyone go? It will not matter, it affects them not. In the moment they lived and lived for this moment only. They were alone – Barefoot and soaked. Lovers and haters, everything and nothing, all wrapped into the deep field of vision as seen by the galaxy and everything in it. With the world that had apparently vanished there remained nothing left in the world for them but to be together. Holding hands, conquering fear and uncertainty.

A couch. Sitting alone in the middle of the field. A couch decorated with vines and flowers. A couch, which looked so comfortable to the human eye, one cannot resist the temptation. They walked over to it, holding hands, looking for some explanation to why it’s here. Simultaneously reaching out with their hands opposite of the held ones they touched the cushion of feathers and pedals. Deviant lightening from miles away glimmered in the raindrops on the natural furniture. Again simultaneously they rested on the seats and cuddled together. She fell asleep while her friend kept watch for any clue as to what he ran to. All the way here he had an idea of what it was, though he was still uncertain at the finale. What does it mean? Why are we here? It was a run of a lifetime and from fear to joy to fear again and doubting the final product.

All of a sudden in the blink of an eye and a gasp of the breath the couch shot upwards. Up and up, up, and further up the seat rose to the sky. Thumped through the dark storm clouds and up to a sunny day hiding behind them. The sun was bright, the clouds from up top looked like mossy gardens. Lacking full understanding the couch stopped on the surface of the clouds. Both stepped off and walked through the garden. While they walked they smelt the beauty radiated from the new ground on which they stood. Continuing the walk they felt an immense joy never before felt! They could not wait to return to spread the word.

STOP!
Ahead, lay a mirror on the ground, reflecting to their eyes the blue sky from the opposite angle. Still holding hands they walked over to the piece of home decor turn garden decor. A quick peek down into it, they now stood immediately over top – For them to behold. Still baffled, though not as strongly, their dilapidated bodies in shambles from the crash just hours ago.

XXXXXXXXX

There you have it, again hope everyone enjoys. I read it over myself for the first time in a couple months, it doesn't seem too bad but that's just me. If you're confused about anything just ask.

edit to fix up the spacing and overall neatness

[edit on 8/20/2010 by philosearcher]




posted on Aug, 22 2010 @ 08:34 AM
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It is good descriptive writing and well written. I like it. But I really can't tell exactly what's going on or what happened to them.



posted on Aug, 24 2010 @ 02:17 PM
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I understand. Really, when writing it I kind of figured that would be the biggest problem with it. Basically, it just explains their journey of confusion right after the crash that killed them. They are just working their way through to the realization that they had been killed. It's like a wonderous thing that they died (the town fair and having a good time) but the lightening and and thunder and rain kind of throw an effect onto it that maybe something bad will happen/has happened. Then it's just confusing when they see the couch and sit on it and are thrown higher into the clouds, then they see in the mirror the crash that they had been in. The mirror, even as a lot of tales claim, is a portal through to the spirit world, so I guess that sort of works out there. So yeah, that's basically it.

I know that writers aren't necessarily supposed to explain their works so that the speculation can build and people can make it what they want. Well, people can still have it represent what they want but the intention I stapled to it is there incase anyone else gets confused.
Thank you too, Novise, for the crit.



posted on Aug, 24 2010 @ 02:24 PM
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I enjoyed this story very much, it was very descriptive and had such a mysterious undertone to it
thank you for having the guts to share this with us, i truly appreciate it my friend
if your a fan of short stories then you may like these that i posted a while back

www.abovetopsecret.com... - My post apocalyptic princess

www.abovetopsecret.com... - In a land of dreams and smoke

I have been applying for writer status recently so that i may contribute to the collaborative writings on this wonderful site, but to no avail as of yet. Maybe one of the MODS might see that ive said this and grant me my wish
I suppose the saying " You dont know if you dont ask " is true


Thanks again my friend
x




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