I am rather young for the most part. However, some people call me a child due to my looks while others think that I am five times as old as I should
be because of my mentality. These people see me differently for reasons that I can comprehend.
You know, I may be rumbling about random things, but I simply want to get this out of my heart... Hell, trying to entertain you guys with this stuff
might be like trying to get a jackpot on a slot machine....
There are not many people that I can talk to nowadays. In fact, I love being alone from time to time. I realize things about myself and others around
me on a daily basis.
Recently, I have begun to discover why I have not made many genuine friends lately. I am neither a teen nor an adult; I am a child or an elderly. It
is not I who do like others, it is that others do not like me.
I lived my childhood playing with others children, but I was mentally shocked by some incidents which I do not want to talk about. After those
incidents, I matured more rapidly than others per se.
It came to me in my early teens that life is short. I was and am still afraid of death and its inevitability. I was always philosophizing about
everything and was able to make a few ideals that I am still living with.
I don't ever gossip, unlike my peers. I have never hurt anyone's feelings by words or action. Even as a child, I don't remember myself calling
anyone bad names. My mom said I didn't cry much and my relatives say that I was easy to raise because I always sat there playing Legos. I was always
the type of kid who liked the outdoors and help others enthusiastically to see bright smiles. In return, I gained Allies. These people remember me for
the things I've done for them as a child. I always wonder how those friends are doing.
I was a foreigner. I came to Florida in fifth grade. Maybe it was because of the south or maybe it was because I was in a higher grade, but some kids
simply disliked me as if I didn't belong on Earth. I could understand bullying, but the type of hate I received disgusted me. Once again, there were
kids who were picked on and I stood beside them. Those kids soon became some of my BFFs.
In high school, my former friends and I were separated. I've met hundreds of new individuals through clubs and classes. Everyone was trying to be
cool, but I couldn't figure out which route I should have taken. My parents wanted me to strive for medical school and take the serious route. Most
of my peers, however, took the "cool" route.
I've tutored many major program (I was in a magnet program with rich people) students and they appreciated my help. Some students recommended me to
others. These kids were definitely trying to be a bit more successful than the others. I even thought these kids would do better than the children of
Then there were those who never appreciated your help; those who never smiled back at you. I've helped them with homework, but they ended up wanting
to copy me because it was the "non-nerdy" way to do it. I've sided with the victims of bullying, but only ended by getting laughed at by both
sides. Soon I became entrapped in this idea of being "cool" because it appeared that colleges like the "popular" kids involved in sports and
student government. Believe me, if you're not "popular" you won't be able to participate in any of those things. Then I thought maybe the rich and
popular were "realists" and their way was the way to success.
One time it hit me, in one of Eminem's songs he said "Edna always told me, Keep making that face and it'll get stuck like that." Tragically, I
stopped helping people who might "endanger" my reputation. Tragedy-to-be, I've lost possible "Allies" who will appreciate me for who I am.
The funny thing is, my bad reputation got worse like a credit score. My peers ignored me and I was left with my old friends. There were some smart and
popular kids who liked me, but couldn't, because of my reputation. I was no longer appreciated for what I love to do and I forfeited my way of life
to see if I could pull it through like the "smart and popular." I've learned that in this world, you either get into the game and try real hard or
It seems to me that the society of the current young generation poisons those who live with a vision. The vision is first blurred, then it is clear,
then it is shattered and trashed. Sometimes I see it as the Kristallnacht of happiness. Well, maybe it's been like a that for a while now
Seriously, will those kids stay closely as my friends and I? Will they regret their "realistic" way of life?
People on this website know that there is something wrong with how the world operates. Despite how we are more connected by technology and
transportation, we are broken spiritually.
Well, another year of college is starting, and I think that I would like to reattempt what I have started. College is an even worse place for what
party-goers would consider as "shenanigans," but I will try real hard. I regret the fact that I have wasted so much time in convincing myself that
what I have done was correct all along. I feel like Arther Schindler at the end of Schindler's List. I could have done more to save more of the
minority from the obscure obscenity just to see those smiles.