Dealing with anger / frustration

Hey all...

Lately i've been finding myself getting frustrated and angry over the littlest things. I've not exactly had an easy life, and this year has been particulary stressful (losing my job, home and dealing with the death of a friend and some family problems), but then again i know people have it a lot worse than me.

Without resorting to seeing a counsellor or shrink or doctor (mainly due to lack of money and my own anxieties at talking to complete strangers about personal issues), how do you guys suggest i deal with it?

Don't get me wrong, i'm not violent although i've had a bit of a violent up-bringing which has affected me, but i have a bad temper and have found myself taking my anger out on the wrong people either by being hurtful and sarcastic, or by shouting or sometimes insulting people...

I hate being this way...

Anybody ever get like this? Any tips?

I would have the same attitude about seeking professional help, I wouldn't discourage it but I know what you mean!

I'm normally a pretty chilled out guy, and by that I mean I bottle stuff up untill it explodes, literally. Once I lost a battle on a computer game and proceeded to smash the hell out of my keyboard (the musical kind), with a sword.. lol didn't half feel good but.. well you know haha!

Do you play an instrument? Playing Drums helps me chill out but even less physical instruments should help! Writing lyrics might help as well, even if you don't use them. I guess thats just poetry lol

I would recomend sport but I'll leave that for someone who actually does it IRL!

I also found meditation and yoga pretty relaxing. The yoga seemed ridiculous at first, I'm no where near bendy enough, but it did work for me! It doesn't have to be about opening your 3rd eye and calibrating your chakras either!!

Edit to add -

I suppose at some point you should look into the causes of your anger, and try to solve whatever problems there are, but thats life really, some things just suck!

[edit on 17-8-2010 by March of the Fire Ants]

Googling "deep breathing exercises" would be a good start. If you were to pay for help with stress, deep breathing is almost certainly one of the first things that would be suggested.

There are also herbal remedies available, such as St. Johns Wort and Valerian, to name a couple, which some people say are helpful with stress. Wal Mart often has these types of supplements for four bucks a bottle so they are inexpensive to try.

I hope this helps!

[edit on 8/18/10 by Hefficide]

I find running/walking a good way to clear your head.

If you're really stressed about something try going for a walk/run, it helps me

Wow u have gone thru a lot this year. A good way to relieve stress is to exercise. Try to do something every day, whether it be to take a brisk walk or if u have a bike or can get one from someone to use , take a ride. A half an hour to an hour of some kind of exercise You dont need to buy any fancy equipment just have a pair of sneakers. Exercise every day will definitely help you and make you feel better. It doenst have to be competitive or anything, just go at your own pace, the idea is to blow off that extra anger and steam. I know a lot of people stay away from therapists and all but if you can find a low cost one or free thru social services perhaps it might be a good idea to just "have someone to talk to" just tell them u dont want meds.........i told my counsellor I do not want any meds and she supports me in my decision, but again seeing a counsellor is up to you...it really depends, in any event the exercise will help u. Hope u try. Good luck always!

ps u asked if anyone else gets this way....for sure! I tend to flip out at the stupidist things, due to my present living situation...you are definitely not alone....

[edit on 18-8-2010 by ghostfoot]

Why would you not want to see someone about it? It may help. Sometimes talking to someone like a counsellor who is totally removed from your life can be helpful. I dont think you should see it as a sign of weakness.

After I was diagnosed with my illness I saw a counsellor and they really helped me through a lot of emotional issues that come with being diagnosed at such a young age. Issues that I couldn't talk to friends and family about in the same way. It really helped me understand my own emotions and the grieving process involved when you lose something or someone important to you.

You say you have recently lost a friend? Maybe this is causing the anger and frustration?

I thinki talking about things to someone, who is not connected to your family and friends would be useful. Get things off your chest to someone who will just listen and then you can reflect on what may be the problem

It sounds like you have had a rough ride, that has not been of your own making, there is nothing wrong for asking for a bit of help.



[edit on 18-8-2010 by woodwardjnr]

Thanks for the tips and friendly advice, much appreciated.

I think i might bite the bullet and see my university counsellor.

Also i plan to maybe take up martial arts again and quite possibly drum lessons, hopefully that will keep me fit and focused.

Thanks guys

Drum lessons are all well and good but the stress relieving part is rocking with a band, shouldn't take too long to reach a decent standard!! Good luck whatever you end up doing!!

this reminded me, juggling is also awesome for this and easy to pick up!

Originally posted by March of the Fire Ants

this reminded me, juggling is also awesome for this and easy to pick up!

Hehe self taught. I'm not brilliant but i can juggle three balls normally, and occasionaly three balls with one hand (which is tough). Not quite mastered (i.e never managed to succeed) the ball over the shoulder trick.

Originally posted by mr-lizard
Any tips?

I was just reading this and thought of you: www.urbandharma.org...

Awesome! I can't do 3 in one hand but I can do a few tricks. Mills Mess is probably the hardest I've learned but it's not as mad as it looks once you've got it!

I tried the ball over the shoulder one for ages but couldn't get it. I can do it the other way round though, behind my back and up and over.. That took A LOT of practice haha being unemployed was fun

Clubs are fun too but very hard, I can only just keep them going lol

reply to post by schrodingers dog


Schrodinger that is a brilliant read and partially illustrates the way i feel about society, torn between wanting the peace and yet wishing to show my anger towards the things that don't bring peace (which is a vicious circle).

The worst part is, when i realise this contadictory way of thinking (being a gemini, everything is duality and contradicting lol) it makes me take a step back and analyse myself.

So in a constant state of self analysis (or ego) I then happen to find things to get angry with again and then i wish peace, and then it repeats over and over.

This quote from what you linked me on this link;

www.urbandharma.org...

It wasn't that I could eradicate those qualities about myself I'd labeled as negative, while leaving the good stuff intact, like cutting off the rotten parts of a carrot left in the fridge too long and cooking the rest. I had to die completely. The source of anger, hate and fear was the same as the source of that collection of ideas and habits I had mistakenly called 'me' for most of my life.

This quote ties in with something that occured to me at the weekend at a friends house over a few drinks, we drew tarot cards for ourselves and i got the death card. I'm mature enough to realise that the death card doesn't mean physical death, but means the changing of ways, or habits or environments etc.

This for some reason, i believe (even at my most skeptical) could tie in with the need to kill my anger and pain, I can't keep venting or bottling it. I need to be rid of it completely, otherwise as i say i will constantly be in a cycle of conflicting moods / thoughts.

Thanks again for that link. I will take it upon myself to read that when i need it.

Regards.

Mr Lizard

Originally posted by woodwardjnr
Why would you not want to see someone about it? It may help. Sometimes talking to someone like a counsellor who is totally removed from your life can be helpful. I dont think you should see it as a sign of weakness.

Maybe it's my own ego refusing to fully admit to myself that someone can help me? Or maybe i'm too worried what i might find out?

You say you have recently lost a friend? Maybe this is causing the anger and frustration?

Nah i've had anger problems since i was a young 'un. I don't wanna go into too much detail, but lets just say the neighbourhood i grew up in was pretty rough...

I thinki talking about things to someone, who is not connected to your family and friends would be useful. Get things off your chest to someone who will just listen and then you can reflect on what may be the problem

I think that's why i chose to speak neutrally and anonymously on here

As here, i'm just an avatar (if that makes sense?)

It sounds like you have had a rough ride, that has not been of your own making, there is nothing wrong for asking for a bit of help.

Guess you're right. Thanks dude.

Originally posted by mr-lizard

Nah i've had anger problems since i was a young 'un. I don't wanna go into too much detail, but lets just say the neighbourhood i grew up in was pretty rough...

Well I had them too ... though not when I was really young, more between the ages of 18-21. I'm sure it is common to a lot of people.

During those 2-3 years I was in permanent anger, the most insignificant events would trigger rage and often physical and emotional violence onto others. The anger stemmed from residual emotional momentum of unresolved issues from an earlier age.

But one day, as I got out of my car to punch through the window of some unsuspecting soul who simply dared cut me off, a switch flipped inside me and suddenly dissolved all the anger.

A sudden realization that the people who's treatment of me were the source of my anger weren't the ones who bore the brunt of it. In part it was people who meant me no harm, but mostly ... mostly I was the one suffering for it.

I had carried that anger as an egoic self identification ... I was the 'wronged angry kid' and let my mind define me as such. The metaphor went like this: I was wearing a plaster for a broken bone that healed years ago because I had made that injury my identity.

But all of a sudden, in that moment, the whole thing seemed ludicrous and somewhat laughable ... so it dropped. And when I say dropped I mean completely dropped. I wasn't angry at those in my past, those at my then present, and haven't been deeply angry since.

It's rather nice.

Aaaanyhoot, all the above wasn't really to talk about myself more to point to the fact that most negative feelings we carry, including anger, are neither really ours nor is it necessary to shlep them about endlessly.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/26d854608ad7.gif[/atsimg]


[edit on 19 Aug 2010 by schrodingers dog]

wise words man.

Thankyou