TRUE authentic self. TRUE authentic feelings. TRUE authentic enlightenment.

Why post the details of my true authentic self on ATS, because for a few brief minutes while doing so it might keep me in my authenticity instead of folding this shirt right here, something I don't care about.

I am my truest self. No longer do I suppress my true feelings anymore. No person, new age guru, book, anything will tell me I'm wrong. And I'd hate to assert "I'M RIGHT" but I tend to go with the bottom line answers of things. I want the bottom line of truth, the bottom most line of everything. I have the most peace now with my achievement of enlightenment than ever before in my life. Me, 20's, F, 4 year degree.

Enlightenment in humans does not mean that you love everything. Well here goes.

Hate for God, Universe, Creation
It was painful being told I should (or even COULD) love God, the universe, or creation itself. I can't say in words here how much and how many hours of the day that I spend thinking and screaming how much I hate God (energy), the universe, the big bang, existence. It's all I can ever think about in the last 5 years. I cry like I am right now thinking that somewhere and somehow this universe came to be and this planet came to be. I get physically ill actually realizing I'm on something floating in a universe. It's a very sick feeling, I spend many hours over the last 5 years cursing the fact that from chaos ever arranged itself into this planet/life. I feel like my screaming is falling on def ears, there's no God to hear it, but it's me being authentic and that's the most beautiful feeling. How much I hate God (the energy/plasma which became life) is the realest feeling I've ever had in my life, even more so than true love with the lovers.

WHY?

A book, a person, or an educated guess? What to believe?
The ambiguity of reality, life, and creation (the who what where when how) is so sick and sad. There are as many theories on creation/reality as there are people in the world. Maybe some people think that's cute, I think it's sick. Facts SOOO important such as how we're here and what happens exactly when we die BE HIDDEN AND AMBIGUOUS IS SO SICK. Not definitively knowing the exact mechanics of creation I think is just as sick as the universe existing at all. Maybe some hate existing on a planet like that where mechanics of creation are not blatantly clear. I use the word "sick" perhaps because when I think about these things and creation itself I feel sick.

Leaving the earth
Sometimes is feels surreal that people are forced to be alive. Anybody should be able to leave this planet at any time for any reason. Anyone trying to force you to stay where you consider to be torturous is just forcing you to endure more torture. It's ridiculous that people just can't imagine why someone would want to die and then try to force their feelings on someone else. Higher self or not, THE LOWER SELF DID NOT AGREE TO GET MUTILATED/RAPED/TORTURED therefore lower self can leave whenever and why ever it wants.

Ascenders
Anything that is ingested and allows you to feel your true feelings and feel connection to the indescribable joy should be called "ascenders". It is sooo unbelievably sick and sad that anyone would outlaw ascenders. That's the biggest evidence that this planet is hell. I cry and cry and cry and to me its so sad that these things are kept from people as they are truly as close to a God anyone will get, your soul your own personal God. FROM THE BEGINNING OF TIME, PEOPLE HAVE MISTAKEN THEIR OWN SOUL FOR SOME OTHER GOD. Denying people of ascenders is to deny people of their connection to God. So instead people just memorize Bible verses since they're denied their own direct experience with soul through ascenders.

I ran out of space I'll be writing more....

Any feeling is better than no feeling is what I got out of this.

Why does everything need an answer? And if that were the case do you think language could possess the means to achieve it?

I just thought enlightenment was a declaration of clarity.

I'm also not even sure I understand what you mean by "hating God/Universe/existence" - aren't you apart of all of it? Does that mean you hate yourself? Is it exhilarating to hate yourself?

What would be a trip is that if all this was just our own doing. As if you chose this life, full knowing what you would experience, merely forgetting why you chose it.

Hmmm...well said and an in my personal understanding of what you wrote, I relate to this level of anger that rises to the point where I might wish existence...didn't exist. I don't feel it is correct to tell what it is about since we must find out for each of ourselves but I can make a guess or two. You've made it past the "gurus and metaphysics" point to being more open to letting things reveal themselves. I wish I could tell when the feelings would pass or how, but I haven't even gotten there yet, but I have a feeling they will and just to hold on until it does; It's a stop along the way. You are not alone. What lay beyond I don't think I can fathom at this point. Somewhere we sense a fundamental injustice that must be corrected and it may be related our allowing ourselves to be decieved in some way that served as a diversion from true self-knowledge.


[edit on 8/12/2010 by EnlightenUp]

I have to disagree with you on different points:

First YOU are surely NOT your true self! This what you percieve to be you is just the fraction that is called your ego!
And that describes much of your ranting thereafter.

You are very disconnected from the source and your saying to hate "the energy source - called god", the universe and else explains it very well! (As juveus has described very well)

Aren´t you a part of all this? As how you wrote this it sounds that you have decided for the dark side far way of the hyperbolic curve (see my thread "your spiritual revolution part I down in my sig)

I can understand your anger about all this stuff that is going on now and for the last cycle but will your opinion make it better?
Surely no!
I also can understand that you are tired of all the gurus and their teachings as it is only their ways to see the things and much of them are even commercialised, but then look for your own truth!
Go have a search inside you! There lay all the answers.

And if you get it to realize that YOU are not more than your EGO and there is much more to it you get on the right train!

Peace love and light
let u guide by higher i

Jim

Originally posted by JimIrie
You are very disconnected from the source and your saying to hate "the energy source - called god", the universe and else explains it very well! (As juveus has described very well)

Hate can be transmuted to love. This (real) stuff isn't some load of lofty-sounding feel-goodness that I get completely sick and tired of hearing from people ostensibly trying to enlighten others. It takes you through hell where, as I understand (but haven't quite experienced the fullfillment therof...yet), you are purged (usually said, in some fashion, of this so-called EGO).

Of course, does what I'm saying sound any less vacuous and banal than all the sweet-sounding "spiritual" nothings? Perhaps not. The committment to it lay within, that's it. So, I agree about finding your own answers but hiding from "negativity" is plain foolish and counterproductive. From a first-person perspective, it's not some amusement park ride when you know you are essentially safe and all will be ok; sometimes you must go-on thinking everything is falling to pieces and you might just die (in the perjorative sense).

Originally posted by EnlightenUp

Hate can be transmuted to love.

Can you explain me how that should work?


...people ostensibly trying to enlighten others.

Yeah and thats a big fault! I can not go and force someone to hear to me. If they ask for help i can answer. But i am not allowed to just throw the knowlege (or else ) on them until they suffer from it. That brings the bad back to me...


It takes you through hell where, you are purged.

Really only in form of a detoxification of your body. Thats really hell for some... But spiritual developing? Not really... more of heaven... Sure when you go more far than you are able to (or wanted to reach before YOU embodied this body...)

...hiding from "negativity" is plain foolish and counterproductive.

Yes! You should be aware of it but not embody it. The fear and anger will destroy you! But instead of hiding i would prefere to fight them one by one...
You should life a life as positive as possible and on this way erase this negativity!


... it's not some amusement park ride when you know you are essentially safe and all will be ok;...

Why not? Have fun and enjoy your life!

... sometimes you must go-on thinking everything is falling to pieces and you might just die (in the perjorative sense).

But this only applys for you if you have to develop your spirit onto a higher level. Sure i have had this more than once and everytime i came out of it much stronger and harder.
Yeah maybe all this crappy stuff that happend to me is one huge cataclysm why i have reached my level...?

But if i have reached the goal, why should i need that negativity anymore? eh?

Originally posted by JimIrie

Originally posted by EnlightenUp
Hate can be transmuted to love.

Can you explain me how that should work?

Yes, they opposite poles of something of the same nature, which when these things are recognized properly, allow mental alchemical tramsmutation. The sort of anger (and hate) we're dealing with in this instance actually comes from feeling a deep love and connection with the world and sensitivity to it that makes one vulnerable, one that is overwhelming nearly all of the time.

...people ostensibly trying to enlighten others.

Yeah and thats a big fault! I can not go and force someone to hear to me. If they ask for help i can answer. But i am not allowed to just throw the knowlege (or else ) on them until they suffer from it. That brings the bad back to me...

No you cannot force but B.S., you are allowed to speak about what you have learned. Things are effectively gibberish if the reader isn't ready to hear it anyway. Go ahead and hand a calculus textbook to someone that hasn't learned basic algebra. It might as well be a paperweight. Whatever I learn, I will not hide; it hides itself without any sort of focused efforts to conceal or omit. If anyone doesn't like what I would do that is purportedly "not allowed" regarding dissemination of knowledge, well, oh well. I am a "free software" type, both literally and figuratively; I feel at liberty to divulge and share any gifts I have received.

It takes you through hell where, you are purged.

... Sure when you go more far than you are able to (or wanted to reach before YOU embodied this body...)

I have experienced esoteric moments, fleeting ones, where I was absolutely extatic. You could consider the purging a spiritual and karmic "detoxification". I haven't heard anyone seeming honest that claimed it was a straight shot and you got a free pass. Are you implying it's some sort of extra-credit-related suffering?

You should life a life as positive as possible and on this way erase this negativity!

There's a difference I sense between erasing it and putting a fresh coat of paint on it. It can slowly eat you alive if you haven't honestly dealt with it, much like the rust continues to eat away at the metal, regardless of glossing-over it, if it isn't properly cleaned and prepped.

... it's not some amusement park ride when you know you are essentially safe and all will be ok;...

Why not? Have fun and enjoy your life!

Indeed. Why not? I think that's the point in dealing with personal demons.

But this only applys for you if you have to develop your spirit onto a higher level.

But if i have reached the goal, why should i need that negativity anymore? eh?

That's what I'm wondering, is there really a goal where you can sit back on a spiritual summit and reminisce about "those times before"? Do all challenges suddenly end or do you just view them differently after progressing in certain ways? Why are you still here if you have completed the level? If only to assist others, I certainly consider that noble. Anyone declaring they've "made it" does raise some flags for me however.

The bottom line is this.



[edit on 12-8-2010 by jsettica]

reply to post by jsettica


Thanks for being an example. Anyways, if I'm, in true form, immutable and nothing here matters, then why am I here? Choosing anything would not be of any benefit to me. Choosing would be impossible. Choosing requires a transmutation of configuration or structure at the very least.

Assume I was just bored with all this infinite timelessness. Well, if I could relieve that by entering into delusion, I'm not immutable, nor by being able to delude myself or even become bored in the first place.

Windows are dressed to transmute them.

when people speak about how they truly feel they become something else. look at all these people with depression how many of them bottle it up and never let anyone else know until they either geuss or become comfortable enough to speak about it.

when they finally speak and say what they truly feel the are one step closer to true personal freedom.

and the first way to find what how truly feel is to think.

when humans have lost the ability to think they are without worth.

examine your lives and think about how you truly feel about them.

to enlighten yourself you must think. what how and why. the three W's to answering questions.thats my method. use whatever method you feel suits you the most.

ask what you want to learn, what is needed along that path and then why its important.

reply to post by EnlightenUp


I just woke up from a vivid nightmare, if someone were to ask me how long was I in it I would have to say 10 years, pain, hate, torture, more pain, helplesness, that is how I can describe this nightmare.

I just woke up so the nightmare its still fresh in my memory, if there is one thing that I learned from the nightmare is that even though I felt like dying every day for the duration of this torture, it didnt happen because deep inside I knew it was a dream.
I am very powerfull, maybe not all powerfull (im not in control of all the details, but I have lets call them super powers; I do) its my nightmare, its up to I to create a different dream if I dont like the nightmare. And when I want to stop dreaming because its too surreal or to beautifull, I has the choice to wake up and deal with the "mundane" day to day suffering.

I dont have space for hate, but I can percieve it in my vecinity and I recognize it as ignorance, and then I think, its my ignorance, and that gives me the strength to keep accepting, understanding and connecting with the things I feel hate, until there is very little I can hate without also feeling compassion, and love for.

I also know time will pass and I will forget everything I learned from the nightmare.

Sounds like you have a problem with existence. By you being alive at all, you are subjected to a lot of why's and why not's. What makes you think you didn't choose to exist? To be able to exist at all and be able to openly voice your feelings with others says lots. Its your time now, this is your world. You didn't feel the same yesterday, and you won't tomorrow. It just is.

You know, personally, I find that true authentic enlightenment can get to be a bit boring sometimes. The clear white light, the inexpressable adamantine perfection, boundless oceanic compassion, and all that sort of thing. Don't get me wrong -- it has its place, to be sure. But all the time? Come on, live a little.

Maybe it's just me, but I have to say, as a guilty pleasure, I enjoy a little endarkenment from time to time. Just to mix things up. You know -- stuff like a few quintillion rounds of seemingly meaningless incarnation and samsaric struggle in an utterly baffling, unknowable cosmos composed of only a handful of detectable dimensions, for example. Just to pass the time. Think of it as one gigantic crossword puzzle on the longest, sleepiest Sunday afternoon ever.

I mean, its not like we've got anything else pressing to do with all that eternity on our hands, now is it?







[edit on 8/13/10 by silent thunder]

reply to post by silent thunder


Endarkenment?

I am reminded that anything which you cannot escape because there is nowhere and nowhen else to be because it is All is equally and paradoxically absolute freedom and an absolute prison. It is one of those "extremes meet" things that boils my blood.

Live or die? Yes!

Freedom or captivity? Yes!

Originally posted by EnlightenUp
reply to post by silent thunder

 

Endarkenment?

I am reminded that anything which you cannot escape because there is nowhere and nowhen else to be because it is All is equally and paradoxically absolute freedom and an absolute prison. It is one of those "extremes meet" things that boils my blood.

Live or die? Yes!

Freedom or captivity? Yes!

Yes.

And always, a sense of humor helps to ease the ontological pangs...

Originally posted by silent thunder
Yes.

And always, a sense of humor helps to ease the ontological pangs...

Yeah, the gestation pangs of a tiny Jesus. Should I have the baby or scamble its brains in a late-term abortion? He kicks like a zedonk and he might grow up to be a terrorist.

Originally posted by EnlightenUp

Originally posted by silent thunder
Yes.

And always, a sense of humor helps to ease the ontological pangs...

Yeah, the gestation pangs of a tiny Jesus. Should I have the baby or scamble its brains in a late-term abortion? He kicks like a zedonk and he might grow up to be a terrorist.

You crack me up, man. Crazy wisdom.

To answer your question, I'd say just let nature take its course, but then again, nobody listens to me. And why should they? After all, nature takes its course whether we want it to or not.

Originally posted by silent thunder
To answer your question, I'd say just let nature take its course, but then again, nobody listens to me. And why should they? After all, nature takes its course whether we want it to or not.

Nature did. The zebras and donkeys tore down the fence separating them and created an unexpected union. Later that same day, I was abducted by greys and a xenotransplantation procedure of the blastocyst performed on their vessel. When I awoke, I was posting on ATS.

The truth will set you free - follow the truth.

And that means do not believe anyone.

Believe in yourself. And good luck on that journey.

Originally posted by EnlightenUp
Nature did. The zebras and donkeys tore down the fence separating them and created an unexpected union. Later that same day, I was abducted by greys and a xenotransplantation procedure of the blastocyst performed on their vessel. When I awoke, I was posting on ATS.

And all that before breakfast, no less!