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a fat woman in a wheelchair: Primary Narcissism

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posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 12:04 AM
Maybe.. Just maybe now...

She may have at one time been on the road to a better fitness level, and heard one "Fat Joke" too many and it destroyed her motivation to continue..

I have always been a "Big Guy" and even in the Marines had to get a Body Fat percentage rating to stay out of the Physical Fitness Platoon. Always had a "thick" waist and was considered "FAT".. Then after I retired the first time, put on some weight, actually quite a bit. I am on the road to getting better, but you know what? Even in the Marines, at 5% body fat, the way I am built, I got the fat jokes from the skinny crowd.

There is nothing more disheartening then to hear jokes about something as personal as ones appearance and it is a HUGE reason to stop trying to get better..

People, even friends, are childish about anyone's weight problem. It is really funny to make fun of someone about their accent, where they grew up or even when they make a mistake, but this is something entirely different. This is hurtful and can completely destroy any persons motivation for getting in shape. One or two jokes may seem funny, but it never stops there. When people start making fun of someone for being fat, it is like a snowball effect; everyone has to "get in on it" and it is very very personally painful.

I have struggled with weight issues my entire life, yes even in the Marines, and I can personally attest that nothing will destroy your motivation to improve yourself, more than having your friends make fun of you constantly..

It is a vicious circle.. Instead of your friends complimenting you on any progress you may have made, they want to be with the "in crowd" and make fun. This is emotionally destructive and most fat people, (experience here) eat to make themselves feel better. Or go on a starvation diet which is even more harmful..

While I have the type of personality that I can understand the childish nature of these insults, not everyone can and it makes the situation even worse. The subject eats more to make the insults more bearable, goes back out into public, gets more insults, eats more etc etc...

It's the comments from friends that are the worse.. The very people you expect to understand, or perhaps motivate you, are at times the most hurtful.

God forbid you have some extra pounds AND a good job and successful relationship.. Then jealously kicks in the the insults are even more horrible and insulting..

I guess what I am getting at is the old adage.. "Walk a mile in their shoes"..

I probably would not be posting this, but after a few drinks, I just thought the truth was needed..


posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 12:08 AM
reply to post by tgidkp

Sounds great to me, back to the comfort of momma's safe loving arms.
No bills or concerns, they call this a mental disorder?
I have known women who live this way, we call them trophy wives.

Sugar Daddy will fix everything.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 12:09 AM
reply to post by IandEye

Age = wisdom only works on TV. What are you, the Chairman of the grownups club?

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 12:32 AM

Originally posted by semperfortis
God forbid you have some extra pounds AND a good job and successful relationship.. Then jealously kicks in the the insults are even more horrible and insulting..

Actually, you know what? And now that I'm back on the PC I can actually explain a little better - I feel for big people. Like I also said, I am not skinny in any way and when you said about having a good job and a successful relationship...I have a perfect example. Furthermore, some of you might find this funny...and at the time and even now, I tend to laugh at it because if I didn't it is the kind of thing that could possibly take a decent chunk out of you.

At my last job, I sat in a tent for eight hours with the same 10-15 people the whole time. You hear things. Sometimes you hear things you'd rather not hear but ok, at the time (and even now) I float right around 275-285 pounds. The kid I worked with said "Isn't it demoralizing when you see a fat guy dating a skinny girl? Like a guy even around 285 with even a relatively good looking girl is just not right." He stopped...looked at me and apologized (which was nice, I have to admit) but if I wouldn't have been there, no apology would've been present and even at that, I know that he still meant it. Oh, and I have a slender girlfriend and we've been together for almost four years (no marriage or anything but still) and at the time the job I had was going strong. SO...basically, exactly what you said but I was just a "demoralizing fat guy."

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 12:44 AM
reply to post by tgidkp

t is easy to judge in this case, isn't it? even people that have nefarious or evil intentions (Hitler) are at least attempting to accomplish something. but this woman in the wheelchair has lost the ability to be at cause of anything.

I don't see anyone judging anyone around here except you. You have judged this woman by saying she has "lost the ability to be at cause of anything." Do you know her, or are you the woman in this photo? How do you know what she does with her life?

Unless you have personally psycho-analyzed this woman, you have no idea whether she is experiencing "primary narcissism" or not.

My question to you is, don't you think your post is an example of one of the biggest problems in our society today? Don't we spend too much time dissecting the behavior of others instead of focusing inward to make ourselves better people?

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 01:06 AM
reply to post by NightGypsy

That is a good point and usually the cause of some that are trying to get themselves on track that are derailed with people that often have no clue of their plight or emotionally and/or physical issues.

I wasn't always a plus size woman until I had children, and I was always attracted to large men, and was often pulled to the side, which comments like, "you can do better than that", or "are you sure you want him to come with us".

I have found that people that have to overcome adversity are usually the kindest of people, with hearts, thoughts and feelings that maybe sometimes are more sensitive than others.

If people were to be more understanding and less judgmental, than maybe that woman in the photo wouldn't even need that chair. Beauty comes from within.

Your height, your weight, your color, have nothing to do with whats in your heart.

So for those of US, that may have either discriminated or are actually in this position, please disreguard the OP. This is not your problem, but the problem of those who cannot see their own faults, so choose to try to find those of others.

Peace to you all...

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 01:43 AM

i mean really. WOW!

in the past two years i myself have gone down from 240 to 170 pounds. there is nothing more in this whole world that i am am afraid of than becoming FAT again. i know what it is like and i have my own set of psychological problems that go along with it.

but this thread is not about that.

this thread is about the point that we get to.....THAT WE ALL GET which we all just say "f*** it".

and just like the (Secondary) narcissist, out of the effect of ugly self-obsession, we shut the whole program down.


crawl back into the womb.

we all do it. i dont care how awesome of a person you are. you hate yourself. everyone hates themselves.

this is the woman in the wheelchair. this is primary narcissism. it is you.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 02:05 AM
reply to post by tgidkp

My impression is that you are the narcissist, looking for kudos from us about your obscure little theory, derived from reading too many books.

The majority of so called fat people are probably just suffering from a depression which they wont address and it manifests itself in over-eating comfort foods.

Also, in attempting to prove your theory in this thread, did you get permission to use that woman's photograph and post it on the internet, or did you just decide it was more important for you to use it over and above her right to privacy? Just wondering... you being so clever and all.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 02:05 AM
reply to post by tgidkp

First Id like to say that if you would have worded this thread differently or had been more or less on the non-judgmental side that maybe some would have understood more or less what you were saying, including me, who has written twice on this thread.

If this was something that you had been through and were trying to "communicate" with those that had maybe understood or had been in a similar situation, demonizing and posting a picture of a woman who obviously had a weight problem, was possibly your fist mistake.

Asking people to "identify" a flaw within themselves, while bashing them is not a way to ask people to open up about their experiences, but to maybe force them to go deeper into a hole.

Maybe what you had gone through had changed you in a way that you have not yet noticed.

So IMO, you should maybe "reevaluate yourself", before asking others to do the same.

Peace to you...

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 02:07 AM

Originally posted by RRokkyy
reply to post by tgidkp

.....You cannot become Happy. You can only be Happy......

too bad that little gem got buried in all of this muck.

people feel GREAT! about feeling sorry for themselves (i do not disclude myself), as has been exampled from this thread.

my entire OP could be replaced by your simple words quoted above.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 02:13 AM

Originally posted by CitizenNum287119327
reply to post by tgidkp

.....The majority of so called fat people....

holy effing crap folks! this thread is NOT about FAT PEOPLE!

it is about how we ALL secretly crawl back into our lonely caves at the day's end when we are tired of dealing with the expectations of daily life.


posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 02:34 AM
reply to post by tgidkp

she has her excuse. whats yours?

She has her excuse for what? Do you know this woman? Have you talked to her? What does she need an excuse for?
Cool ride she's got by the way.
As for my excuse? I've got no excuse. That applies to my life in general.

my brother, who is a physical therapist, told me a story recently:

After reading what your 'brother' said? How unprofessional is that!? Telling stories about your clients out of the office? For shame. What's his excuse?

it is easy to judge in this case, isn't it? even people that have nefarious or evil intentions (Hitler) are at least attempting to accomplish something. but this woman in the wheelchair has lost the ability to be at cause of anything.

How do you know that? You don't. You've no idea. You're USING this woman, a complete stranger (and if she'd not and you do know her you should be triply ashamed of yourself) for your own nefarious reasons - to try and manipulate public opinion.

so sad.

Yes, the opinion presented in this thread is sad. Talk about narcissistic. I WANT people to applaud my thread. I WANT to manipulate opinions. I WANT to USE this woman as an EXAMPLE. And so the story goes.

How would you like it is someone took a picture of you, and something the public could consider a 'fault' - maybe you've a large belly, or a crooked nose, maybe you've got squinty little pig eyes or you're balding?
Yes, let's take a picture of you and post it with a lead-in saying 'How Sad'. Bitter pill to swallow that yes?

in Psychology, we often make reference to Narcissism. what we usually are talking about is Secondary Narcissism.

'We' this and 'We' that. So you're in the field of psychology?

but what this woman is experiencing is called Primary Narcissism.

You have no more idea if that is what this woman is experiencing than you know how many teeth I have in my head.

it is the type of feeling in which you wish to return to the womb. you wish to back away from the Evil Curses of the World, and curl up into a ball and go back to sucking off of mother's teat.

Can't have it both ways, be back in the womb and breast feed, but hey, you got to use the word 'teat' in a sentence so it's all good right...

YOU are the fat woman in the wheelchair. when you go to bed at night, after stuffing yourself with your selfish delights and enduring the tenuous effects of daily life, you secretly wish to go back to that place (the womb) where you are safe and warm and cared for without any effort to your own being. most times, only those whom we are closest to are actually witness to this alter-persona.

You must be talking to the mirror.
Me? I relish life with a PASSION!
All of it - the good the bad the ugly the JOY of it!
I look forward to the next day, breaking out of bed as early as possible to enjoy the oh so short time of living life I've been given.
I wish I could sleep less!
And believe you me - I had enough of my mother and her 'womb' at 7 months! I wanted out, and fast!
And no molly-coddling back to the fetus position for me! I choose to cover my bum - not curl up and expose it.

we are scared and infantile at are core.

Nee-ner nee-ner neeeee-ner! Am not!

do you judge this woman?

No, and neither should you. If you hadn't you wouldn't have used her picture to try and 'prove' a point.
That's someone's mother, sister, lover, friend, daughter.
If I caught you using a picture of my loved one in a public forum for your own narcissistic reasons, I'd show you just how infantile I could be.

lets hear yours:

Yeah, let's hear yours


Edit = code

[edit on 8-8-2010 by silo13]

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 02:36 AM
I am over weight and give me a couple years i to may be in a chair.

Without knowing what medical conditions this lady has she is being judged by many as lazy,
That is total BS

In my case i have peripheral neuropathy to the point i don't feel much in my feet.

If you have ever had your foot fall asleep on you and tried to walk think about walking on two feet that are asleep.

I also have neurosarcoidosis, sarcoidosis, metabolic syndrome, heart attack with CABGx5, fibromyalgia, and diabetes
I still walk but its very hard,

Autoimmune diseases are a killer.

I use to be a VOL firefighter/EMT and sarcoidosis and its co morbid disorders are a occupational hazard. i also am ex Navy another occupational area for sarcoidosis

People that don't know me just see a fat guy.

In the US with the numbers of people that abuse pain meds they do not need its hard to get pain meds for those that do need them.
with many doctors its a lot less problem to get a scrip for a motorized wheel chair then to get long term pain meds.
The only thing that is keeping me out of a wheelchair in i live in a state that allows a Herb for chronic pain.

in my days as a EMT i found more people that were over weight because of other medical problems that those that were over weight just from over eating.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:17 AM
You can't win responding to this thread. If you feel she is at fault you hate obese people. If you think she isn't at fault then you pity her.
She will get out of that chair one day. That much I know to be true.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:29 AM
reply to post by ANNED

So sorry to hear of your illness ANNED. I can sympathize with you about the pain meds issue. I have some type of chronic inflammation of my spinal cord which causes a lot of pain plus myelopathy. I complained of pain for over a year before they finally gave me enough to provide any relief. I the meantime I went from 150lbs. (with very little fat) to 121lbs. The weight loss was the only reason they believed me!
It's a terrible situation in the US that patients in severe pain cannot get relief. The DEA has doctors scared to prescribe them at all. Once again government interference is hurting people more than they can ever know.
I wish you the best ANNED. May healing come your way.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:44 AM
Masterbatory self-satisfaction? Speak for yourself. I was looking at your avatar and saw the words "not sad and angry anymore". Are you lying to yourself? If you are not sad and angry, why the misogny? Sure the lady has problems, but are you really sure you don't have an equally serious problem yourself? Think about this: some people have problems that manifest externally (maybe in her last life she was a concentration camp survivor or someone who died of starvation) where everyone can see them. Others appear to be normal on the outside but have problems on the inside where you can't see them. Why is one better or worse than the other? I salute you for your Military Service, because Freedom is not free. Otherwise, maybe you look like that on the inside.

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:49 AM
iandeye im happy for you,your an example of the good people that just cant be defeated by disease,if only more people were like you,i dont need stupid peels or medicine,i can be healthy if i WANT

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:51 AM

To judge a book by its cover is the reason why I disassociate myself from so many - NoRegretsEver

I agree with no regrets.

Not everyone is narcissistic.

Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others. - Source:

But most people do judge on first impressions and equate fat with being lazy and over eating. And while it is no longer socially acceptable to show malace towards blacks, hispanics or other ethnic races, it's perfectly acceptable to pick on white men and fat people.

God, grow up - look beyond the physical shell we are just renting for this adventure.

Do I want to crawl back up in my mother's womb. No, I lost her at the age of 10.

I just wish I could hear her voice or feel the touch of her hand just once more.

I do think we currently live in a narcissism society. People for the most part only think of themselves. Very few people are empathetic to the misfortune of others.

Only when something affects them do most people react. While something unfortunate is happening to someone else, everyone else looks away and pretends it's not happening.

Case in point:

On Tuesday September 11, 2001, at least 35,615 of our brother and sisters died from the worst possible death, starvation. Somewhere around 85% of these starvation deaths occur in children 5 years of age or younger. Why are we letting at least 30,273 of the most beautiful children die the worst possible death everyday? Every 2.43 seconds another one of our fellow brothers and sisters dies of starvation. Starvation doesn't just happen on Tuesday September 11, 2001, it happens everyday, 365 days per year, 24 hours per day, it never stops.


[edit on 8-8-2010 by ofhumandescent]

posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:53 AM
Reply to post by Novise

why yes, thanks. you are invited to join. ironically you'll have to lose those self-assured 'facts' like old people carry around.

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posted on Aug, 8 2010 @ 08:54 AM
Reply to post by tgidkp

we don't ALL do that. you should seriously seek help if you think everyone is as weak as you bub. that's called NARCISSISM please- get over yourself. I sure as hell have.

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