reply to post by EnlightenUp
fine you win. game over. I didn't really want to play with you in the first place in all honesty... Anyway I was only playing with myself again
wasn't I. we all self medicate in our own ways... i play with words, and ideas, through habit, because i lack(lacked until recently) a world of
Chronic stress is a very odd sensation. More like "non-sensation" mostly, but sometimes very intense, unbearable shivvering, feeling cold inside
when its actually very warm, and severe agitation, making it almost impossible to relax for even a few moments. Im not looking for sympathy, just
letting you kow, that i suffer, and my suffering clearly fuels a lot of bull# unfortunate enough to reach these boards. I am sorry about this. I would
like things to be different from now on. Old habbits die hard. But are easier to overcome through consistent good practise. Which i simply do not do
in most areas of my life.
clearly you are pissed off with me, my style, content/ contributions to these forums full stop. Full stop? .. well i guess the question is can i
change... its hard but i know what i do that annoys people. I can't self-regulate as well when im passionate about something. but i try to say what i
think is "right" most of the time. The process of learning how to say things in a way that allows for a less dogmatic, more open, in all more casual
approach is also something i have been trying to do more recently. I dont know, im just a kid, only turned 18 in july....... its funny how naive i was
when first joining and still am in many ways..
I think my main problem was being far too critical heartless to "people" and society in general. My insecurities relied on my ability to depreciate
others and others points of view, which is sooo wrong! I guess i develop what you could call... a "skeptic/dogmatic neurosis" - certainly online
anyway. But now im realsing the importance, and the joys! of appreciating and valueing others, no matter what they contribute to a thread, or normal
conversation. This is my development... im sorry for being so profound to the point where i couldn't be ignored.. its just my nature.. dont stress
over me, ima little tiny fish, in a huge ocean.. dont worry about what i say, please dont worry! my eloquence is a result of my ignorance. Ask any one
of the resident grammer nazi here what they think of my posts. theyll tell you straight up how bad my grammer is. Im intillectually unstimulated in
life. This is one of my only outlets. SO WRONG, i know, but i promise to change this.
I do genuinely feel im getting better recently so if i dont get banned because of this confession/apology expect good things of me in future. And once
again im sorry for all headaches and unnecessary profoundness present in most of what i write here. Its rarely on point, rarely facilitates thread
continuation and rarely is it ever something i know i would truly say if my soul had a chance to freely express itself, alone without stress breathing
down my neck all the time.
I hope we can still be friends after this, but I will understand if you decide we can't.