Teen Pregnancy. "Can't happen to me".

Originally posted by intrepid


That's where it was. He wouldn't even talk to her. Easy for him, he lives 2 hours drive away(6 by bus), right? No effing way. I drove her yesterday to talk to this chump. I don't know how the conversation went down. She didn't want me to meet him. She was afraid of what I might do. But he now knows that he has a commitment here and he damn well better not just cut her off.

Why would you drive this far, and not let the parents in on all of this? They are parents, too, even if you are a surrogate father for this child.

He might deny her, and unless he can support this child, his parents will have to contribute.

What you might want to do to him is one thing, but let his parents at him!

Pound on the door of his parents, and that of the home of her mother, too!

While you might think you are protecting this girl, a mediation needs to be set up for all parties involved.

You have already put your foot in the door, so to speak, by getting involved, so you might as well open it all the way.

Caring for this girl is one thing, even though you are a great parent, so make sure you get the parents of all parties involved.

Absolutely sound advice


I had the talk with my daughter when she was 12 and again at 13.
She lives with her mom about 5 hours away from me, I wanted to make sure that she "knew'. I also talked to my ex about it, to be sure that she had also talked to our daughter.

My girl turned 18 last weekend and now I'm more scared than ever. However, we tried to teach her right from wrong, shared personal stories and situations and hopefully have given her enough knowledge and ammunition to make the right decisions in her life.

Interesting posts, and here is what I would advise to you:
As noble as it is for you to try to take care of this girl, she is going to need a lawyer, and a doctor. Her mother is going to need to know and you are going to have to take this to the courts for the young man, as he has to take responsiblity for his actions. I can not say yes or no on abortion, as it is not something to bring up, but the health of the young mother to be is something that has to be something to look at. If she is that emotionally unstable, then professional help needs to be. Yes the prior poster is correct, her mother, the young man and his parents all need to be informed and told about the situation. The last thing that this child needs is stress, and she is going to have that the further along that she goes.

reply to post by intrepid


I haven't had a chance to read through all of this thread, however, I did feel the need to reply.

I got pregnant and had my son at a very young age: 18. I must say, at the time, I knew it could happen to me, but the thrill of doing something that I knew my parents would hate (even though I loved them very much), was too much to pass up. When I finally did find out I was pregnant, I was devastated. Not the least bit happy. I was a senior in highschool and the father of the baby and I had only been together for about two months. It.was.tragic for a teenager.

I wouldn't change a thing though. I have no regrets. The father of my son and I are still together, years later, and we are a little happy family; though back then, that wasn't really the plan (I don't think we had a plan back then :puz.

My son is my world, and I'm glad I decided to keep him, though several thoughts went through my head when that little blue line showed up on the pee stick.

She is 16 and you don't even know her boyfriend?

Now she is preggers, wow, Why don't you at least attempt doing your job?

You obviously should not have had children, you're daughter is too young to understand, don't blame her.

[edit on 4-8-2010 by Rthaothal]

Originally posted by Rthaothal
She is 16 and you don't even know her boyfriend?

Now she is preggers, wow, Why don't you at least attempt doing your job?

You obviously should not have had children, you're daughter is too young to understand, don't blame her.

A piece of advice my friend. At least read the OP before contributing. It's not MY daughter, it's a friend of my daughters. Her mother is a complete douche and her step father is, well, less than upstanding.

I don't blame "Becky". She's had NO support for years and looked for love where she shouldn't have.

I see where a lot of you are coming from but I don't think I can talk with her mother. I seriously dislike her as a parent and as an individual. I blame HER for this. If she had support at home she wouldn't need surrogate parents.

reply to post by intrepid



Much as you don't like her Mom, she is her Mom, and will at least need to be informed.

You are not the biological parent of this girl, whether or not the Mom and step father are douches.

Be the one to intermidiate. Really, just for your own benefit, and hers.

You are a father in her eyes, so to speak as a surrogate one, but you will never replace her parents.

Do the right thing, and invite all parties involved over for tea, with a discussion on the issue. Then you will have a clear picture of where everybody stands, your household is neutral, and everyone can move forward from there.

You will know, how far you have to be involved in all of this. Have you ever been to Lamaze classes?

Sorry to be so rude, but she is clearly not so "innocent and sweet" if she chooses to hang around someone who would abandon her.

This is a common theme amongst teen pregnancies. The young girls go out of their way to be with certain scum because they get a thrill out of it, or who knows why. If the girls wanted to be with someone nice, responsible, and sweet, they would do so. Clearly they're not interested in that.

Both parties are wrong in this one. She knew exactly what she was doing, in my opinion. Calling out a dirtbag for being a dirtbag is kind of a non-issue. The issue should be, why was she hanging around dirtbags who would abandon her.. ?

Originally posted by Blanca Rose
Much as you don't like her Mom, she is her Mom, and will at least need to be informed.

Be the one to intermidiate. Really, just for your own benefit, and hers.

I understand. I just know she's going to go ballistic on several issues. The fact that she's pregnant, the fact that others knew before she did. It's not going to be pretty. I know this woman.

Have you ever been to Lamaze classes?

Yup, I have 3 kids but I have to draw a line somewhere.

reply to post by intrepid


Well, that is the blessing in that the girl let you know, before her Mom. If you know she is going to go ballistic, hold the meeting where you tell her, in a restaurant, or some other place, where she won't be able to, unless she is a complete retard. Or, in your home, with other witnesses.

She won't be able to pull anything, and made it known that if she does, leaving with the daughter, that you are privy to it all, and will make waves, if needed.

I feel for ya, here. I always told my kids that if they made me a grandmother before I turned 50, I'd kill 'em.

They have listened well! LOL, my oldest tells me he will never have a little soul sucker and he's 30!

I was a single parent, and had a dead beat ex, and my kids saw me struggle.

This girl has a rough road ahead of her, and while your moral support is acceptional, she needs to fess up to the douche bag parents, and so does the young man involved.

Originally posted by scorps
Great Advice!

I am 19 turning 20, and A kid would be the last thing I would want. I dont even want to date for the fear that a committment would possibly muck up my future. Selfish I know. I know many young girls in my town of 3000 that have children and quite a few who have had abortions. Non of them are happy with initial decision. Thanks!

not selfish, SMART!