Well....I guess this is it.

reply to post by brilab45


Yeah, I do like the ladies, but what is it the bumper sticker says?

"I'm straight but not narrow"

or something like that?

Anyway, glad you're okay. See ya 'round the boards.


TheAssoc.

reply to post by brilab45


You apologize? Are you kidding? Having diabetes is noting to laugh at but that is actually great news compared to what you and the rest of us thought. I am glad to hear that the expected news has changed and that you will be able to continue posting on ATS.

I can't help you with the question on how to give up. I'm not sure that people actually do give up completely. All I can do is offer you a dream I had that changed my perspective.

My dream started in a crowded shopping mall. There were people everywhere. I was on the top floor of the mall, looking over the railing at all the people walking by below. In the middle of the crowd of people on the first floor I saw something strange and frightening. There was a man, no different than anyone else. He was kind of short, his hair was blond and it was thinning on top. He was average looking, around thirty years old and had a little of a pot belly. He was the type of person who would walk past you in a crowd and you would never notice. He was completely average in every possible way except one. Too me, he was a ghost, a transparent image that hid from the public who he really was and I could see through the screen.

I recognized him immediately as being Death himself. He was built like a wall. About eight feet tall and maybe six feet wide at the shoulders. He was a solid, packed, muscular shadowing hulk. He didn't wear any clothes even though he appeared to be wearing a robe The robe was actually a part of him. His head was normal or at least what you would expect to be normal on a being of that size but his face was not human. He had normal dark brown eyes that seemed to be in an angry expression. His lips were two thin lines that reached back along his jaw to just below where ears would be. The lips seemed to be gray against his shadowy black skin. He had no ears or nose but there was an impression of them kind of like the ears and nose of someone with a stocking stretched over their head.

As soon as I realized who he was he jerked his head upward and stared into my face. I was horrified and immediately started running. I ran down a corridor and found that parts of the mall were under construction. I cut past the barriers and hid in another hall that led off from the first. I knew I was well hidden and that no one could see me and I waited for what seemed to be a long time. Finally I got enough nerve to look around the corner and see if it was clear and I found him towering above me looking down into my face. I knew that he was there for me. Hopelessly I asked if I was going
to die. His lips parted an in one of the most calming voices he told me that he was not there for me but that no one else had ever seen him. I was fascinating to him.

We walked through the mall and watched people. We carried on a conversation that I could not remember when I woke. I do not remember him leaving, just that I was alone on a bench in the mall, watching people walk past.

I have always remembered that dream. The thing that was most vivid in the dream was that Death was not a bad guy in the least. Death was actually one of the nicest and most caring beings that I could ever imagine.

Since the dream I have had no fear of death and I actually look forward to seeing him again. I feel like I have actually met him.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to die anytime soon and like every one I fear the pain of dieing. I just feel that death isn't anything to be afraid of.

My advice is not to give up, just accept that there is a series of events that will happen and this is just another step in the journey.

The best to you and your loved ones and congratulations on a bit of good news.

Edit :

It seems that I should read the entire thread next time. Sill me.
Good to read you are still in good health...

I could have deleted what I posted but maybe... I'll miss out the next good bye note as well.
If that happens it won't feel so bad not being able to say goodbye.

Glad to read I can still expect to be seeing you around here.




Hey Brian.

I've really enjoyed our ( short ) conversations together, and it hurts me that I do not have the possibility to say goodbye. Since you logged off.

I'd like to wish you a safe beautiful journey and I hope it will be one, free of the usual problems one has to endure at the very start of their last trip. Who knows... This new journey could be the first of many...

Good luck.

See you on the other side...

~ Nick.



[edit on 8/7/2010 by Sinter Klaas]

I really hope our support helps to get you through your difficult times. I am relieved that things weren't as bad as you feared, but I do understand that it's still serious.

I know all about that feeling of wanting to go home. I've had to reconcile myself to staying longer than I wanted to, but I've used the time to try and learn. It seems to me you're in the master class.

Stay strong.

Brian you were a great friend to me. I wish you the best on the other side. Thank you for all the talks we had and making me feel better when I needed a friend.