I am writing for help in understanding myself and the path of my life. I apologize in advance for this may be a bit boring but I want to be through in hopes that my detail will shed light into my past and future. I also apologize if I am seeking the wrong kind of help as I am here merely because of suspicion and I have no concrete proof for any of my fears.
I believe but am not sure, that I am a space alien abductee. For a variety of reasons, although I admit I never recall having seen a UFO up close or an alien.
Family History: **************************************************
I have deep history of mental illness on both sides of my family. My mother’s father and grandfather both claimed to have had interactions with aliens and UFOs. In addition, all the men on my mother’s side of the family have had severe mental illness and issues with schizophrenia and dementia. Women on my father’s side of the family have all been sharply intelligent and driven individuals but all died in advanced states of mental illness (such as schizophrenia and dementia). So I, by no means, doubt that I could possibly just be totally crazy or paranoid.
With that being said the women on my mother’s side of the family (coming from her mother’s side) have all had very strange psychic type abilities. Some of which I have inherited. Strange stuff like sensing distress in family members and friends and then being able to locate them without being notified of their location or issue, seeing danger before it presents itself, or detecting upcoming unexpected guests/phonecalls/etc. I personally can do most of these things (when sober). For example when my grandmother on my father’s side was dying they took her to a hospice and no one contacted me. I was at work but new instantly. I got up and told my supervisor that I had to leave because my grandmother was dying and I got in my car and somehow knew to drive to the hospice. My aunt was the only other person there at the time. My grandmother turned her head to look at me as I sat beside her and tears that I suppose built up around her eyes as she stared at the ceiling poured out of her eyes and she died. The whole thing transpired in less than 5 minutes after my arrival. Had I been moments later I would have missed it. She was holding a stuffed moose I bought her. It was horrifying. I do not think she knew who I was because she had advanced dementia, but she loved soft things and she knew I would bring her such things so I suppose she at least appreciated me.
The men on my father’s side of the family have all been VERY successful men of industry. Architects, CPAs, major event planners, etc.

My Life: **************************************************
I don’t ever remember being normal. Even in kindergarden, 1st and 2nd grade I was a loner and would spend my time without friends and felt that I could not connect with people. There was no reason behind this. I was a thin, athletic, pretty, blonde haired girl. I enjoyed playing and talking (albeit mostly with adults) I liked art and music. I was not poor and was always dressed well. I had neat toys, all things you would think would be interesting to other children. When I was 5 my parents had my younger sister. She had various health issues and was in and out of doctors and rarely ever slept.

CONTINUED >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I always remember being afraid of three things: Aliens/UFOs, the Dark, and Heights. I don’t remember lots of details. My memory is absolute crap and has always been. I can remember things I need for business, and tasks with absolute perfection but when it has anything to do with myself or my life it is a struggle to remember much.
I have always loved animals, and when I was 7 I was out in the front yard playing when a collie dog that looked like lassie pranced into my yard. My mother was getting me something to drink in the kitchen. I ran up to the dog to pet it and it took my face into its mouth and started thrashing. My mother was on her way back out and ran to the dog and beat him off of me. Turned out the dog was rabid and had been released by a vet in the country because he did not want to put him down for some reason and the dog had made it into my neighborhood. I felt no pain. The dog had torn completely through my cheek. I remember pushing my fingers into my mouth and looking in and hand mirror laughing as my parents stood by horrified trying to figure out what to do.
We lived in a small town and had a small hospital but no emergency room. My parents contacted our family doctor who met us at his office, gave me rabies shots in my stomach, and used his wife’s embroidery thread to stitch up my face. This later turned out to be a huge ordeal and I ended up having plastic surgery to repair the damage about 7 weeks later. Now all I have is a faint scar along my jawline.
Two weeks after this happened to me (the dog attack) my mother was taking my sister and I shopping my sister was in her car seat and the car doors were locked. I was in the front seat and she was in the back. My sister was developing slowly due to her variety of medical issues. She could not talk or walk and was still crawling. However, somehow she managed unbuckle the car seat from the safety belt in the car, unlock the car door, and pull the car door handle. She could not however push the door open, but as soon as we rounded a corner she (and her carseat) went flying out of the car. She survived but broke both of her arms.
To help you imagine the scene. Now my parents had me with over 300 stitches across both of my cheeks and my sister with both arms in casts.
When I was about 8 my fear of aliens/UFOs, the dark and heights seemed to heighten. I remember one time somehow getting stuck in the living room behind the couch and crying emphatically for my mother for what seemed like 30 minutes and when she came running in there she asked what was wrong and when I told her aliens she slapped me across my face and told me to get ahold of myself and put me in bed. I don’t know why I was behind the couch or why I was scared of aliens. I just was.
When I turned 9 my blonde hair turned brown, deep brown, except for a 1 inch square of hair above my left ear which still to this day is blonde.

When I was 11 I came across a copy of the Marquis De Sade’s 120 Days of Sodom at the library and read it cover to cover. I felt nothing, some parts I found humorous but I was never disgusted or shocked as I should have been. When I told others about the stories in the book they treated me like a sick freak.

CONTINUED >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

There were several other alien “breakdowns” like the one I had when I was 8. Eventually my mother decided that I should see a child psychologist. I saw various child psychologists until I was 13. They all said that my fears were because of the dog attack and realizing at too young of an age that I could not be protected by my parents. However I was not afraid of dogs, and I had remembered these fears from earlier in my life. Finally when I was 13 I convinced my parents to stop making me see the psychologists and to let me go a while and see how things went.
When I was 14 I started blacking out. I remember reading or listening to music and then losing track of hours without progressing in my book what have you.
When I was 14 I woke up one morning with a pain in my big toe, it hurt so bad I limped. I thought it would go away and dealt with it for a couple of weeks before making an appointment with a podiatrist. He felt something in my flesh but only cut of the top layers and after three painful appointments I couldn’t handle it anymore. At this point he was just removing the scab and getting nowhere. I had a science kit that came with a scalpel. I took the scalpel and some iodine and started cutting at my toe. Blood was gushing out but somehow I felt no pain. I dug a half inch semi circle area out of my big to when I finally popped out the object. It was like a shard of glass with some metal in it’s center. I showed my mother and we decided that I must have stepped on it somehow and it just randomly started bother me and she threw it away.
One morning, when I was 16, I woke up with a dime sized lump under my flesh under my arm near my left breast (by this I mean it did not protrude like a pimple, it was in my flesh but could be felt with a finger). The lump was painful, I dealt with it for about 6 months and kept thinking it would go away but it only became more painful. Finally I got on an emergency waiting list for our local dermatologist to have it removed then I woke up the next day and it was gone.
When I was 17 I got really really sick. The doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and I was eventually diagnosed with pneumonia after several regiments of anti-biotics did nothing. At this time in my life I was suffering severe depression. I had also lost a ton of weight and was 20 pounds lighter than I had ever been before. Finally I went to see a new doctor who gave me a full body exam in which she found a lump in my abdomen. She did a sonogram and told me I was pregnant. I was horrified because I knew I had never had sex. I hadn’t even been naked or near nude in the presence of a penis. She said the baby was still-born and horribly deformed. She told me it had likely been there for months and would have to be surgically removed. I had to go to a bigger specialty hospital that performed necessary surgical abortions in another city to have it removed. I had to make up a story about being raped to help my parents understand. I still don’t understand how this happened. I am an ultra-sound sleeper so I guess it’s possible I could have been raped by someone maybe when spending the night with a friend. I don’t know. I really felt nothing in regards to this emotionally and never gave it deep thought. Which is strange because most women who lose children or have abortions have horrible feelings about the situation. I just didn’t care. I just wanted it dealt with and I moved on. I have always been this way.
When I turned 18 I moved thousands of miles away to go to college. I was convinced that my hometown was the source of my misery. As an adult I struggled with my sexuality. Going from being a complete whore to not wanting to be touched and actually getting petrified with fear at the thought of sexual contact with someone I knew well. I could sex up a stranger with no problem but was horrified at being intimate with a boyfriend of more than a week.

CONTINUED >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Then I started to get strange spots on my skin that were purpleish and scaley looking. When I went to the doctors at my college they related it to stress and sent me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist put me on Zoloft and paxil and sent me on my way. When that did nothing they increased the dosages over the months until I could barely think and for the most part just stayed in my room at my dorm. The psychiatrist called the dean at my school and recommended I be sent home. Being a smaller private college the dean came and personally informed me that I was expelled and that she was calling my family.
When I got back I had a minor earache in my left ear. My parents had me start seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist and I was on 4 to 5 anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for about 3 years. When I was 19 I started to get nose bleeds. Finally one day while trying to stop a nose bleed I had pressed my finger up my nose to press on the inner nose to stop the bleeding. I found a bump. I decided to pull it out. I had to scrape it out with my nail cutting into my flesh. When I got it out it was a clear looking tiny bead with a white center. I showed my mom who told me it was a salt deposit and that she gets them in the flesh around her eyes and we threw it away.
When I was about 21 and had stopped taking my meds and moved out on my own. My earache had slowly been getting more painful all this time. I had been to several doctors who found nothing wrong and thought I was crazy. I was living in an apartment complex on the bottom floor. My apartment complex was the second nicest apartment complex in town. My apartment had a little patio with a 10 foot tall solid wood fence surrounding it. I remember one night (not remembering what happened before in the evening that night) where I started to see lights coming in the windows of my apartment and it felt like the apartment was vibrating. I grabbed my cell phone and ran into the hallway. I was headed for the door, but adjacent to the door was the door to my patio. I could hear something prying and knocking at the patio, which scared the # of me. I could hear pieces being removed. I was petrified with fear. I called 911, I begged for someone to come and was crying hysterically. I heard something big rip off my patio door and a few moments later the patio door itself was removed. The vertical blinds were banging wildly in the wind. I was absolutely horrified. The woman on the phone kept assuring someone was coming. I heard footsteps coming toward the hallway amidst the sound of the vertical blinds banging and then all the sound and lights stopped. Then I heard a loud banging on the front door and the 911 woman told me it should be the officer I had requested. I ran to the door and opened it to find the police office. He examined my patio. He looked and saw the screen door and glass back door removed and placed side by side on the grass on the other side of my 10 foot tall solid wood fence and told me it “must have been the wind” he waited there for maintenance to come and fix it then left. That night I went to Wal-Mart and bought a drill and screwed all my windows and the patio door closed. That was the last night in my life that I slept in a house alone. I had my boyfriend at the time move in with me after that and he came to stay the night with me that night. The next morning when I woke up my earache of 3 years was gone but my peripheral vision in my left eye was gone.
The next 6 years went by without much event. I changed out boyfriends and moved around a lot. I had several more lumps show up all which I left un-investigated and still remain today. One again in the same place under my left arm near my left breast, one on my right breast, and one above my right ass cheek.

CONTINUED >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When I was 27 my blackouts started to intensify. I was blacking out while walking or in the middle of tasks. One day I was walking and fell and broke both my elbows. I do not remember the pain being remarkable but knew I had broken something and went to the hospital. They put me in fiberglass removable casts and sent me to a bone doctor for weekly visits. He said they were bad breaks and I would never regain full flexion or tension in my elbows. Seeing as I hadn’t visited a doctor in 6 years I didn’t really want to hear his crap. On the visit for our 5th week he told me the following week he would remove my casts. Instead I went home and took them off and started to pick up my favorite hobby again: target shooting. With exercise at home and no physical therapy I regained full flexion and tension in my arms and they were fine. I decided I should see a doctor about my blackouts and I went to various vision, neurological, and infectious disease specialists and they all came up empty handed. I had MRIs, CAT scans, blood tests, xrays, neurological tests, field of vision tests, all which confirmed that I had slow response times, no peripheral vision in my left eye and could not explain my blackouts.
I had a very intense job. I was working 7 days a week with only 1 day off a month. Monday through Saturday I would work 13 hour days and Sunday I would work a 7 hour day. I thought my problems were related to my job so in April I quit my job. It was too much and they were screwing with my pay it’s a long story but I left.
I still to this day am horrified of heights. I get night terrors and usually don’t sleep until I pass out from exhaustion at 4AM in the morning. Most nights I get 4 hours of sleep max. The dark horrifies me. I see things and hear things in it. When I read about, look at images of, or think about UFOs or aliens I cant sleep and become horrified. I recently started reading a book by John E Mack called Abductions that an ATS user recommended to another ATS user and it has really resonated with me.
Which brings me to why I am here. In addition to the black outs, now I am seeing blobs of color in my vision at times. These developed after a month of solid rest. I am convinced, despite the doctors saying that nothing is wrong that I am going blind. I am a very strong person and I never talk about or really think about my experiences but I cannot fathom having to live in a world of darkness with my fears. I need to confront the events of my past and find some way to not fear them so that when I am stuck in the darkness I am not consumed by my mind and made to go insane. If I am currently insane, I am a fully functional insane person. Outside of this compilation of words here I have mentioned none of this to anyone including my current fiancé of 5 years who is currently sleeping in another room because of my emotional and sexual problems as of late. I am on the verge of losing everything because I cannot deal with my past experiences and I need help.
Can someone here recommend a hypnotist or abduction psychologist who can help me pro-bono? I am currently unemployed and have very little funds to work with. Any help is greatly appreciated. If I have posted here in error or if my story seems stupid or insane I am sorry. Please don’t ridicule me, it was hard to put this all together.


END <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

long story short...you are either... what you "think" you are...or a masterfully written program to illicit the tl;dr response from the ignorant...the choice is yours

[edit on 26-7-2010 by up up and away]

Im afraid you'll need regression hypnotherapy to get to the subconcious event or concern that is the underlying problem,forget the psychologist you might need a psychiatrist as your deep seated fears are manifesting in a viscious circle of lack of sleep,night terrors phobias and fears Im afraid to say your possibly on the way to spiralling out of control and there are serious issues you have to address such as your relationship with your partner and others,take comfort that a great deal of humanity has dealt with bigger demons and problems than your own and come out the other side ok.

Do all regression hypnotherapists deal with abduction thought? I have done some searching and am struggling to find professionals who want to openly admit their involvement with abduction.

Well that makes them a bit easier to locate. But what I also fear is being told that I recalled an abduction event, therefore I must be crazy.

Originally posted by kinkbauble
Do all regression hypnotherapists deal with abduction thought? I have done some searching and am struggling to find professionals who want to openly admit their involvement with abduction.

Dolores Cannon is who you should see about that.

A couple of posters up suggested it is either this or that - when presented with two options - they are both wrong.

Mind control came straight to mind when reading your very interesting story - Trance formation of America is a book about that - it's full on - but you have a good grip on things 'horrific' by the sounds of things.
Do any of your family have anything to do with the Military - or government? That is the norm of the connection between MK and the 'victim'?

Some ET 'abduction' is black ops - usually from what I have read , appear after a 'real' ET experience (these are usually positive) - but the black op is there to install fear and anger to the 'legit contact' - usually to steer you away from (what I believe) why you chose to come here, and what you came to do...

you sound strong and not 'crazy' at all to me - but there is something 'amiss'.

Hope this helps

i suggest you seek some medical/mental health help. and by that i don't mean to cause offence. this is something that's really affecting your life and most probably others around you in one way or another. seek the advise of a professional. asking for help on a conspiracy website may just make things worse. good luck

I would start by getting into contact with, and emailing a shorter version of your story to local psychiatrists, hypnotherapists, or anyone you think might be able to help.

I'm sure some of them do Pro-Bono work, or would take your case for the sheer challenge or excitment of it.

Either way, your gonna have to put yourself out there a little.

Originally posted by watchZEITGEISTnow

Originally posted by kinkbauble
Do all regression hypnotherapists deal with abduction thought? I have done some searching and am struggling to find professionals who want to openly admit their involvement with abduction.

Dolores Cannon is who you should see about that.

A couple of posters up suggested it is either this or that - when presented with two options - they are both wrong.

Mind control came straight to mind when reading your very interesting story - Trance formation of America is a book about that - it's full on - but you have a good grip on things 'horrific' by the sounds of things.
Do any of your family have anything to do with the Military - or government? That is the norm of the connection between MK and the 'victim'?

Some ET 'abduction' is black ops - usually from what I have read , appear after a 'real' ET experience (these are usually positive) - but the black op is there to install fear and anger to the 'legit contact' - usually to steer you away from (what I believe) why you chose to come here, and what you came to do...

you sound strong and not 'crazy' at all to me - but there is something 'amiss'.

Hope this helps

I have had various family members in the Military. My Grandfather was a big deal in the Air Force. My Great Uncle worked at area 51 and I remember as a child him constantly telling me to "believe" but that he couldn't tell me more. I have various other low ranking relatives in the military. My Ex's father was a government transporter and warned us about 9-11 the week before. While I was dating my Ex and for about 6 months after we stopped speaking I had a tail. Whenever I got a new friend I would always drive them out into the country then park and walk to the center of a caliche pit to prove I was being tailed because the tail would get out of his car and follow us but always stay a few hundred feet away. I used to screw around with port scanning and copying of random open files behind port tcp 9000, which used to be the US government ports, for fun when I was in my early 20s. Since then I think the port is now used for some other BS as the gobment got smart and stopped sticking all their intranet crap behind a single relatively open TCP port. But I stopped all that after the event with the cop and a few weeks after that my house was raided and I was framed and later acquitted of some crap its a long story. I am still in the process of getting those charges expunged from my record and that was 7 years ago. According to my lawyer though I am a few months away from having a perfectly clean record (seeing as that is my only charge for anything ever). I am excited. Anywho so you say its likely government something?