I have a problem - I'm shy, and single.

reply to post by Esrom Escutcheon Esquire


Sheesh, you've given me a bit to think about here.
I think that 'snail on crutches' is the funniest way of putting it!

I can do 'snail on crutches'...
believe me, when I say back to my place for coffee I mean coffee, not 'coffee'! That's probably half my problem! jks :shk:
Speaking of the male 'member' ahemahem... mind reading would sure be a handy skill to have just to weed 'em out sort of thing!

And, yes, I'm just going to have to ask... better bite the bullet you think?

Rings not really an issue so much, just keep them off your left ring finger really. As far as meeting significant other material guys I'd say stay out of the clubs if your going out for drinks look for a lively bar. It gives you better chances of being able to observe and filter your options.

Don't be afraid to say something to someone you want to talk to, really men really do like when the ladies come to them and start a conversation even if it turns out to be nothing you will have done wonders for his self esteem and most usually wont send you away embarrassed.

Do be aware of what your "range" is as you perceive it, but also understand that your self view may in fact be completely lower than it should be. Not so long ago I found out mine was way off.

Don't go out with a full gaggle of your friends one or two at the absolute most, trying to approach a woman with a small army right behind her judging your every word can be quite intimidating.

Let your friends and family set you up. Who better to find you someone than your nearest and dearest? Granted some of them may not have the best judgment when it comes to that situation, but they are not likely to pull out the she likes this type list. Most of the time they are going to be looking at a whole different list of qualifications. And really when you do go on the date clear your mind and just relax and worry about whether or not your having a good time.

reply to post by Jovi1

Yes Jovi, some good input here, many thanks!
I'm completely past clubbing - darts at the local watering hole and a live gig (usually watching friends) is the extent of my social posturing...
Maybe I need to stop thinking too hard about it, a bit of self confidence will do me good and of course I'm sure the guys I'm approaching are going to be nice about it.
By the way, ummm, ALL my friends are male, there's no fear of a pack of women climbing out of the handbag every time I sidle up to a bloke LOL!
They're about as useful as a bag of tomatoes when it comes to picking up. :shk:

My rather meagre supply of girlfriends have tried to influence my choices in the past - and you are absolutely correct - they've had some very different ideas about my ideal partner, definitely given me some great new perspectives on what I should consider, but nothings worked out...

How come everyone seems to have this stuff figured out already??

reply to post by wagtail


Really I don't have it all figured out I wont even lie about it. I do understand how attraction works, and am quite capable of using that and a natural ability to read body language to help me out.

That being said your asking advice on how to get a quality man, and well being male I simply tell you my process for assessing my chances for a favorable outcome. When I do get shot down I examine what I did wrong and why and then condition myself not to do it again.

Oh one more thing since you mentioned all your friends were guys, same thing applies as with a group of female friends even more. You have to be mindful of how you are interacting with them while your out on the prowl because you could very easily give the mistaken impression that you are with one of them, and that will also discourage alot of men because they are not likely to risk a confrontation when they are out looking for a good time.

My advice there would be if you notice one your perhaps interested in appears to be interested in you, either go over and talk to him or when you go to the restroom have one of your guy friends give him the lowdown that hes just a friend and its cool he talks to you. I have had to do that on a few occasions for a friend myself before usually it works.

reply to post by Jovi1


You're a champ mate, thanks for the pertinent advice...
in fact I should really thank everyone on here who chipped in without any put downs!
So, that's just life I guess - never give up and don't settle! LOL

Well it looks to me like you need some confidence. Confidence works on men just as it does on women.

You need to realize that the worst thing that could possibly happen is they could say no... That's it. That's all. Not so bad....

reply to post by DaMod


Confidence?
I think you are probably correct.
Hmmm...
You know, sometimes I think that boys are more scared of me then I am of them!!!
I've stopped worrying too much though, all in good time - I'd rather quality not quantity.
Thanks
Wag.

Maybe you could have a chat with this guy.



www.belowtopsecret.com...

reply to post by Kram09


Cheers Kram09,

looks like he and I may have some issues in common definitely,

Thanks!
Wag.

I still think your "coupled up" friends would be jumping at the chance to hook you up...they kind of live for that...

Just be sure they know that the choice is with YOU, not them, whether or not something clicks...but certainly expands your opportunities to meet others. No rule saying you have to hit it off with each prospect. Just engaging in activities with friends can be a great way to put yourself out there...and becoming friends with another is often the best way to kick off a relationship anyhow...

reply to post by Gazrok


Yeh, coupled up friends are extremely active at the moment -
unfortunately there is only one guy they have in mind, my best mate...
and that is never going to happen!

Besides, friends first has been the only way I ever operate - and it isn't working for me that well to be honest.
I'm just wondering how to break 'the mold'.

You know, I've never been one for the bad boys. All the nice guys are either taken or gay!

reply to post by wagtail


So, what's the problem with your best bud? (Just curious)...

reply to post by wagtail


the thing is and this is something that "nice" guys dont seem to get is it is ok to be somewhat crude and forward they dont expect you to be the knight in perfect shiney armor they would prefer it to be a little dented and rusty if you catch my meaning here.

Be a man not a doormat.

Opps sorry forgot who was asking what advice here for a moment but the same theory applies. dont be afraid to be a a little aggressive and forward. Believe it or not guys do like to be chased by women. Maybe you push the "friends first" angle a bit too hard.

If your not being a little flirty your not showing interest to be honest. You do have to show some interest otherwise you get put in the friends zone. just because your flirting does not mean you want to hop into bed that moment, it just shows interest in getting to that point.

[edit on 9/2/2010 by Jovi1]

reply to post by Gazrok


Look, there's nothing wrong with the guy, we just aren't cut out for romance -
it would be almost incestuous to be honest (maybe in a good way) LOL! jks

We work together and roomied for 5yrs - believe me if it was gonna happen it would've happened by now!

reply to post by Jovi1


Hehe, I'm not looking for a knight in shining armour - I'm looking for a bloke wrapped in tin-foil riding a BMX!
(who let's me dinky on the handlebars home from the pub).

All the nice guys are either taken or gay!

Hey! I'm going thru the same thing over here in WA, and are neither taken or gay. I understand how hard it can be to meet people sometimes. After my last relationship finished, I found myself isolated from a lot of people, and haven't broken out of that mould yet. I hope you find luck over your side of Oz.

Cheers
Shane

reply to post by shamus78


Thanks, I know I'm not the only one out there...
I guess all good things take time, but I'm definitely trying to utilise the tips I've been given by people on here so - here's hoping! Haha!
cheers
Wag.

I AGREE, TAKE OFF UR RINGS.. OR ATLEAST DONT HAVE ANY ON UR RING FINGERR. LOL. CUZ THATS ONLY FOR PPL WHO ARE MARRIEDD. KEEP A FLIRTY ATTITUDEE...

reply to post by wagtail


Hi wagtail-

I like your idea of a "sign" that you are single it would make asking someone out that much easier. I have ran into that issue before as well. Myself, I try to talk with as many of the women that work around as possible to see if we have stuff in common and if they have the same morals that i'm looking for in a relationship. Usually just asking a simple question of "how was your weekend" usually (but not always) tells you if they are married, single or in a relationship. If they are in a relationship no big deal I always like to meet new people and make new friends, and who knows maybe they have a friend that may be perfect for you.

We work together and roomied for 5yrs - believe me if it was gonna happen it would've happened by now!

My wife and I were best friends for years, prior to one day just kind of deciding to take it to the next step. It was a far easier transition than one might think (though one heck of a marathon, that first day.... )