Traditional Values - Your Thoughts?

As far as im concerned no one should ever get married all it really is is a legal way for someone else to come into your life and legally screw you over financially. Then after they are done raping your backside they get to leave without ever having to give any consideration to the mess they helped make, and you have no other recourse than to pay a lawyer a kings ransom spend years in court fighting about it and then if you are really lucky you might be able to convince a judge that they should be responsible for their half of the mess.

So I guess by default no you shouldn't wait to have sex until you get married, because there is no good reason these days to get married.

ATS is a place where you'll find a lot of folks have no experience with arranged marriages, and who aren't members of a culture that uses marriage and family as a building-block for community.

For those who see no value in arranged marriage, I will say simply that in community composed of extended families, there is an emphasis on the new partner becoming integrated into the web of family connections they receive from their spouse. They have a stake in the couples' success, and are expected to help if the couple has problems--marital, financial, medical, etc. An arranged marriage increases the likelihood that your new in-laws will come to bat for you when you have a crisis, and not just say "We never liked him anyway."

Like every other social system, it all depends on how much power the bride has. In cultures where the main wife holds a great deal of economic and political power, she can veto the arranged marriage (this can be seen several times in the book of Genesis). In cultures where the woman is seen as having little worth, she cannot say no and usually comes with a dowry, which is literally a payment to the grooms family for taking on another mouth to feed.

Just like in the west, women (and men!) who have no economic power live more or less as slaves....

As to the other question, of saving oneself for marriage, I must say that I did not, but my wife did. If I could go back in time and change the past, it is one thing I'd change---I'd have waited.

Again, the west is composed of societies where the value is placed on getting as much as you can as fast as possible. The idea that anyone would willingly forgo pleasure seems downright communistical, and flies in the face of obese consumerism that is the de facto religion of secular democracies.

I honestly enjoyed traveling to my bride's family and asking for permission to marry her; my family (who I expected to raise holy hell about it) played right along and had the time of their lives.

I think one of the reasons for lower divorce rates in traditional societies is that both partners know they can always fall back on family---but that they also risk the censure of family if they are seen as being the spouse who is "at fault." You hold your tongue when you remember her brothers' temper, and she holds hers when she thinks her mother may side with you.

reply to post by BlackPoison94


I Believe in true love. I don't condem arranged marriage, many are very successful, though it is not love that brought you together and does appear to be for practicle reasons instead. I do understand it is a engrained multi generational and cultural tradition, that is so engrained in the pysche of certain Cultures that is never likely to change.
I do Believe both partners and lovers should be Virgins until marriage. I don't Believe that it is a sin against a religious aspect, but a sin against the soul energy of your partner.You bring a Life long energy attachment of the other/s to the marriage which is very harmful and distructive.
I am a western male with these values and proud of it. My Culture values nothing no more. Giving your personal space and body to someone, is the most personal and special thing one can do. Yet in my Culture it is not love but sex and it's nothing but a bit of meaningless fun. If it is so meaningless , then surely you should be above it? A womans womb to me is sacred ground were all of us come from and your Children are born. It is not an amusement park for small minds and weak, egotistical , self centered, childish behaviour.

guess it depends on the tradition..pretty general, vague question. with symptoms of add keeping ones interest is difficult. grief is one stimuli i suppose. lets see...if ones tradition is to violate , then i suppose that traditions values dont mean a whole lot. on the other hand if ones tradition is to simply exist..then those values are great.

When I was younger (I like to think i am still fairly young) I was repulsed by the idea of arranged marriage. But I have learned that love does not always come first, and if it does, it can come and go, and sometimes you have to find it again. That being said, I think arranged marriages can be just as much of a "romance" Or love story as any other relationship.