posted on Jul, 23 2010 @ 06:33 PM
It's rare that I'm in a situation where I'm really not sure which actions would be the best to take -- usually the trouble lies in actually taking
those actions. I'm generally a very logical person, and to my own detriment often choose the logical answer over the answer that 'my heart' wants.
So, here's what happened...I'd really appreciate to hear from someone who has been in a serious relationship.
A little background....Go back 2 years and 3 months. I was 21 years old, and had just gotten my heart broken for the first time -- she was the first
girl I ever kissed, fooled around with, had sex with...loved. I will call her Lenore (not her real name.) She dumped me because she was afraid of
our future -- she was afraid she'd wind up settling down and was too young for how serious we were about each other. We were seriously in love --
that sickening kind that just overcomes you and doesn't allow you to think about anything else, but I digress. After we broke up, we didn't speak
for 2 entire years. I'm a stubborn guy, and as bad as I was hurt, I never once called her, emailed her, or tried to contact her in any way.
Fast forward to a month and a half ago. I've had 2 more serious relationships since her. Sitting in my room, I remember how well we knew each other
-- I keep almost everyone I know at a distance, and nobody's ever known me the way she did. I'm not one to brag, but I am confident in my
abilities, and I will say confidently that I'm a pretty intelligent person (As are most of the people on this board as I've come to find out.) I
would say her and I probably fall right about in the same range as far as our IQs go, and more than that, we're both extremely perceptive. This is
something that's been EXTREMELY hard to find in a girlfriend, and even the two that I dated after Lenore never quite matched up. So anyway, I was
(am?) completely over Lenore, and being that it's been two years since the breakup and we were good friends BEFORE we started dating, I decided to
send her an email. She responded very enthusiastically. I won't bore you with details, but we emailed back and forth quite a bit and decided to
meet up. We talked a lot about the breakup -- she told me how hard it was on her (seems as though it was almost as hard or harder on her as it was on
me, which I have to admit made me feel pretty good, because it took me at least 6 months to get over her.) We met up 3 times and it was very good
catching up again...I felt like I'd reclaimed an old and very important friend -- no awkward feelings or anything like that. However....fast forward
again to 3 nights ago...
We decided to have drinks at this place around the corner form Lenore's parents' house. She was house sitting for them while they were away. We
finished our drinks and headed over to her parents' house to drink some more. At this point, I can honestly say that I wasn't intending for
ANYTHING to happen. It did. We jumped in the pool with our clothes on and were swimming around for a while. I was only mildly intoxicated (I still
had all my wits about me and whatnot) and she was even less buzzed than me, and suddenly we were making out. I can't even really say who initiated
it for sure, but there we were...making out in the swimming pool. Well, eventually this made its way into her room, and I wound up sleeping over (I
think you can infer what else happened.)
I am NOT a one-night stand guy. In fact, if you consider this a one-night stand, it was the first I've ever had. I am extremely picky when it comes
to the women I date -- I absolutely cannot date someone I don't connect with, and I don't connect with very many people on that level. I really
don't know what to do here. I was fine yesterday and the day before, and it didn't feel like it was going to bother me much, but it's kind of
getting at me today -- we haven't talked since other than exchanging some comments on Facebook. It was really strange, though...it wasn't like how
I picture a one-night-stand going. When we were kissing, she kept telling me that I am exactly as she remembers me, and I'm what she's been trying
to find in other guys all of this time. We didn't just sleep together in the strict sense of the phrase -- we were down right cuddling...kissing
each other every now and then. She fell asleep with her head on my chest and her arms around me. Even in the morning we stayed in bed for an hour or
longer just laying together. Eventually she asked me if I wanted to talk about it...I said not really. She asked me if I was expecting anything, and
I told her I wasn't -- which is the truth. She told me that she really doesn't have anything to give, and that she's not in a place in her life
right now to have a relationship. I was perfectly fine with all of this. Then I just kind of got dressed and left....and that was it.
There is one more factor that makes the whole ordeal even more confusing. She has told me repeatedly about this guy... He currently lives in another
state, but it's the state that she is probably moving to in 6 months or so, and they have plans to start seeing each other when she finally moves out
there. She made it clear even from the beginning that he's not her boyfriend, but she said that she has very strong feelings for him and feels like
her and him are 'meant to be' (NOT a phrase I've ever used or one I've ever heard her use, either.) She's also visiting him in a month and a
half... I sort of feel like I wronged this guy even though they're not officially in a relationship...I have a hunch that they've been more serious
about planning to meet up than she's let on to me.
So, what it all boils down to...
I definitely don't want a relationship with her again. As great a person is she is and as great the connection between us is, I know that it would
end the exact same way as it did last time. I also think I'm just too damaged from what she did the first time to ever let myself fall in love with
her again. But still...I feel like something should be done? This is what I mean when I say I don't know what to do -- should we meet up again and
talk about it? Should we just ignore each other? Should I send her an email and ask her how she feels about the situation? I'm really lost here.
I would love to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation....anyone?