My Friend Who Committed Suicide (Important Read)

Many admirable posts on this thread and I'm dazzled by the amount of help offered and wisdoms shared and I thank each of you.

Some of you asked me to come over and address in what way do I think my friend's suicide involved with the world of conspiracy and ATS.

Now I spotted many times someone misreading me or misinterpreting me, and I simply can't quote and correct each of those, as this is quite a long thread. I just advice to read my OP carefully.

As I stated my friend didn't visit Above Top Secret. I believe he thought a forum was actually not the original source of information. I don't know if he discussed online with anyone, I just know he investigated a lot of the subjects mentioned in the OP.

It's fairly safe for a person with open eyes and good mental balance to investigate conspiracy theories.
For a close-minded, impossible.
For a psychotic person or one that suffers of certain mental illnesses, complexes etc, it can trigger the illness to flourish!

As for the health eating; there's nothing bad about it, on the contrary. But if it becomes obsessive, even that can be an indication of something changing in the mind.

Originally posted by dragonsmusic
Exactly. Non-conspiracy related tragedy, with all respect to the Op. peace.

Don't you think it is a conspiracy-related tragedy, as my friend's obsessive belief in seemingly every possible conspiracy theory was the sole most radical symptom of his mental illness? It is a part of certain mental illnesses to start believing in all these stories / suspecting you're being lied to. You study evidence of a conspiracy, then pretty much just decide to believe!

Originally posted by MasterKaman
Obviously we are all going over to the other side soon enough, so the only difference we can make is the Way we go

I see, but of course the way we Live is beyond everything.

Originally posted by purplepixie
sometimes I imagine that if someone came to me and said "You can die right now and not feel anything at all", I might actually take them up on their offer just to see what it's like.I'm not depressed, I like my life

I think the same sometimes, but I think its a normal stress reaction (all the responsibilities would suddenly end) and also somekind of defence against one of human's basic conflicts which is being tied up to a mortal body, and the depression that follows (especially when being alone) when your body reminds you of that for example with pain.

Originally posted by snowlord
Too much is too bad! exploring these kinda anonymity should be limited to certain extent not more than what our brain can handle else it will swallow us as OP said

I remember several times when we'd discussed some spiritually radical issues for a few hours, I felt exhausted after that. My contribution to the discussions were limited next to him as he would unleash all the information he'd studied during the past 2-4 weeks, and with my free time for this being limited and the fact I'm interested in 'it' but he was obsessed. He liked my perspectives and visions and some of the stuff I'd come up with.

Extending your consciousness too much at a time can be harsh on the mind. Many times I said "I think this is about it for today, it's been so deep I'm almost feeling sick."

The UFO's were in a way my favourite subject, very interesting and with all that evidence, but he would still know more about it, and told me I should not get "jammed" on this one subject as its 100% clear they are reality, and its important to move to a 'more spiritual' study.

[edit on 18-7-2010 by Jonas86]

reply to post by Jonas86


Your friend was weak. He was unable to bear the weight of the truth or at least of a more objective reality. He should have stayed ignorant, for his own sake... If you cannot bear "a" truth you wouldn't like, just don't search for it, or else you will end disappointed, depressed and mad (or even suicidal). Anyway the truth will catch up with you, eventually...

So I've read this post, and I feel really bad for the guy. As I was reading this, I've realized I've been thinking about some of the same things your friend was thinking. It's really just been happening recently. I have trouble sleeping now days without drinking, having friends stay the night, or just hanging out with friends. I go out to have fun, and I try to respect everyone and do things for others. I think about others before I think of myself. Some people tell me I should think more about myself, but something inside me just tells me to keep being the way you are. But everyday I think about the afterlife. Will I wake up in heaven? Will I wake up in hell? Will I wake up in another life? Will I be on a spaceship? Will I just go to the outside of my body and just watch everything go down and not be able to do anything? I've been thinking about this stuff almost everyday. I'll go a long time without thinking about it, and then I watch a movie and see someone die and it brings it back up. So lately I've been thinking that someone is trying to talk to me, like I'm supposed to look into something. You know how you sometimes just feel like your supposed to do something? You know thinking God wants your assistants. So I think I might research a little and try to find some things out. Put some stuff together. But I'll be sure to have a stronger will than most people and keep my head straight the whole time. But yeah I feel kinda weird trying to talk about this stuff, but sometimes all I need to do is reach out to anything and hope for the best.

I was about to ask if your friend was on some hardcore drugs. Maybe he was a crackhead? (that have a loose grip on reailty but probally wouldnt kill themsevles cause they wouldnt be able to get high or something)

In a sence your friend had a point, life is a sea of conscience, you die you are reconnected, to something i call the nexus, but yes having a firm steady grip on sanity, is what seperates you from a logical mind, and a "logical" mind, the differnce, is one is sane and the other just thinks they are.

But in all seriousness your friend sounds like he was on some #ed up "trips", maybe just smoking so much pot he stopped drawing the line "okay thats real, and that is way too out there for me to know"

ConclusionL you only know what your brain is telling you, and if your brain is saying you hear wacky tripped out voices in your head, then clearly you have a probelm,your not telepathic (unless a doctor says your brain is beyond his understaing then maybe) but if you just hear voices, think with logic, not with what you fansity, think logically "hey maybe i have a probelm and should remain at the mental health care"

Of course i suppose it is hard to judge one's self so keep an open mind on your mental status.

Finally yes there is a more vast relam of conscience, but we cant just end our lives and go there. thats cheating, we have to live our lives till we die of disease old age or simply killed off in lifes game. So be patent, and if there really is nothing, then you wont know or care, and really isnt that bliss on all its own?

Originally posted by Anthony1138
I was about to ask if your friend was on some hardcore drugs. Maybe he was a crackhead?

But in all seriousness your friend sounds like he was on some #ed up "trips", maybe just smoking so much pot he stopped drawing the line

Like I stated before he'd never touched a regular cigarette and only once I saw him drunk.

Is it so hard for you to understand there are a great deal of people losing their grip on sanity even without being crackpots?

Originally posted by Anthony1138
if there really is nothing, then you wont know or care, and really isnt that bliss on all its own?

How can you enjoy 'not being'? All "there will ever be" is the final moment of suffering, if nothing comes after this.

[edit on 18-7-2010 by Jonas86]

People can't handle the truth sometimes. this place is harsh and cruel and sometimes I wonder if this place is a living hell. We distract ourselves with jobs, sex, drugs, and everyday life. Then on top of that we cover it up with lies. when we discover the truth some people can't handle it and shoot themselves like your friend. I can't say he is in a better place now because of his act. I myself question why I keep going knowing how humanity is and its path to self destruction. We can't even fix racism for crying out loud. Maybe it might be to see Nibiru or an Anunnaki before my times up.

reply to post by Jonas86

This world is difficult to 'take' for awakened souls. What you have to realize is that we are here to bring spirit to matter. Not escape matter, no 'matter' how f'n dim it gets here, and it gets dim.

I had many issues during my spiritual awakening that dangled the temptation of ending it all. I think it is somewhat normal when you begin to realize you have been living a lie. Everything you've been told and taught are lies.

It takes a hell of a lot of strength to live in both worlds. I understand your friends predicament, as I have felt that excruciating pain. I have two kids, which did factor in and maybe keep me here wondering why I am still here.... well I found out why I am still here.

Yes, we are all part of an ocean of consciousness. We are here to add to that consciousness with our every day experiences.

Your friend is reviewing his life now, or already has. He is okay. He is probably thinking, 'ah heck, it wasn't that bad' ... but being here in the thick of these heavy, unbearable vibrations, is torture when you KNOW the TRUTH.

I'm sure he is near you at times, sending you positive energies to let you know he is just fine.

I am sorry for the loss you have had. But know, all is as is should be.

There is a great danger in thinking incorrectly other then what others (the majority may think of you). There is such a thing as having an open mind which is a good thing but some people have graduated to wide open. These people will literally believe anything and lose the ability to analyse Scientifically the facts presented. This is an illness, if you are one of those who are very wide open you suffer from an illness. Best way to fix that illness is to take a break out of studying such things and associate with those who are well grounded.

Thought is an energy, unhealthy or abnormal thinking patterns will result in chemical changes within your body which will then result in physical changes...yes you can get physically get sick by thinking incorrectly.

Do you have excessive mental chatter? Are you double minded (cant get anything done because your mind keeps changing its direction of focus)?.
Do you have disturbed sleep/dreams? Has your breathing patterns changed? Has your posture changed? If you stick your tong out does it tremor and you are unable to keep it still?

Too much alternative crackpot thinking will have negative effects on your health

Sorry about your friend.

You describe your friend as extremely intelligent. This is actually fairly common in people of exceptional intelligence.

I don't know if he was knew he was descending into mental illness, or had a psychotic break, but it is fairly common.

Our friend committed suicide 3 years ago on Independence Day, nothing like making a statement to everyone. He had a wonderful life full of friends and a great family. I know how you feel OP, takes time to get through, makes you wonder about life and death, etc. I could not grasp it either at first, none of us could.

I have actually realized over these last few years that it really is not about being mentally ill or not being diagnosed with any of those issues. It is about what the person inside wants, needs, it is all about our personalitys, our selfs only. Perhaps sometimes people have higher expectations then others for life issues that is all. That they cannot or do not want to live in such a world full of deceit and bull. That to accept it will only lessen themselves in some ways and they refuse to let that happen.

That they would prefer to go as they choose on their own terms when they are ready to as whole as they can be inside. In a way it is a preservation issue yet it is an ending. Two opposites all in one which makes it harder on us all to understand.

I would say this about your friend, he learned alot was on top of things as you wrote, probably smarter then most people, took it to heart and soul and realized alot of it is true. He could not nor did want to join in and be blinded as with most people. He chose to leave and personally I do not think it is a mental disability to choose when we want to die nor if we want to live with the most evil agendas going on in the world daily.

Yes maybe you could have gotten him into sports more but he still would know all the things he knew and may have ended up being disgusted with the world and doing it anyhow. You have lost a friend and with his beliefs you will meet with him again and when you do he will know that you cared alot.

I felt for years so hurt, still do inside and I do miss the person soooo much and could not understand any of it. Then I realized that we are all capable of doing this at points in our life, yes we all are. That we also have a right to feel and make decisions about what we want and our time to go, I would want that if I was very ill physically and many would also. I know that for many of us we feel disgusted about our world and do not want to spend time with anyone that displays certain qualities. I do not think placing him into a mental ward and giving him drugs would make him any happier, might make others feel better but most likely not him. If he was your good friend then cherish your memories, he would want that and you to be happy.

You can write to me on here if you like, not sure if you agree with any of this but that is what I pulled out of what we are going through on the same subject.

reply to post by Jonas86


Im sorry to hear about your friend, and i hope time eases your pain my friend.

And how he had actually cried when he realized it was true.

This should have told you that he was too emotional when dealing with these types of things. Seing as this "conspiracy" is one of the softer conspiracy´s there are out there. Going deeper into the rabbit hole, clearly disturbed his mind.

But there is no way you could have known, what he would eventually do as he told you what you needed to hear.

Hope times will be brighter for you.

Does anyone know how I can Edit my OP? It seems on this forum there is an expiration time for editing your post. I was asked by a family member to remove a certain information from the post. Thanks.

reply to post by Jonas86


Contact the staff and request an edit here:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Originally posted by Archirvion
I have been in the army,worked as a psychologist and now as a scientist for the Us government.

As a psychologist what's your take on this?

And I am curious exactly what scientific field you specialize in...I am asking as one scientist to another?

-----------------------------------------

To the OP, sorry for your loss, I knew someone close who committed suicide and it took me a while to understand what triggered the event.

I think in your friends case the information he obtained (or assumed he obtained) may have simply been a trigger to a much deeper underlying problem, the scars of which he probably carried for some time.

I have studied psychology on a limited scale but as observational person I have found there have been many variables at play, some a culmination of events over a persons lifetime that become triggers.

The mind can end up in a repetitive loop where some underlying guilt causes the person mental (and sometimes physical) pain, causing the person to become a victim of this internalized grief.

The guilt never lets this person overcome their issues, instead acting as event that causes the mind to fall deeper into a cyclic and repetitive state where any progress the person makes is negated by the sudden or gradual appearance of this guilt (or pain if its not so specific).

Your friend may have found some solitude when he started to take interest in the esoteric information he started to study (everything on sites like ATS is esoteric in nature) however this only masked his internalized issues.

At some point he may have become deeply disappointed, frustrated or terrified by the information he had gathered (due to his underlying issues or simply because of the way he was processing that information) that his temporary solitude came crashing down leaving him in a state of total despair.

These are only my assumptions, some rationalized from my own battles with depression over the years and from what I have learned as a person/scientist/observer.

As for UFO's? I have theory that most are unmanned drones but this is for another thread maybe.

Hope you find the answers you are looking for.

[edit on 18-7-2010 by old_god]

Have you considered that maybe your friend didnt kill himself?

I don't want to make this messier than it already is - but... its something thats coming to me and I dont want to elaborate here and take away from the great posts already presented. You might want to question your own feelings and intuition and what even made you want to share all of this. Grief is a good enough reason, and Im not being sarcastic, Im just saying you might want to look into your own deep intuition or better yet open to communication from your friend if you feel you can do that. Either someone was there when it happened or no one was. If someone was there consult your intuition on that also.

You have the power - use it and if he did kill himself then maybe by consulting your own power you will know what you want to do next!

I had someone very close to me die recently and it was a bad situation , supposedly, in a hospital. From what I was getting she was in confusion after she died - not really knowing she was dead yet but everything was blurry and she couldnt see - she had bad eyesight at the time of her death and this continured to the spirtual . I had "felt" this happening and was tormented by it , then two days after she died, around 5am when I was in between sleep and awake, I reached out spiritually to her and helped guide her to her husband who had passed many years before and with whom she was in contact with every day while she was alive. Once I helped to connect them (saw others there too) everything lifted -she could see - and was out of the confusion and pain she ended this lifetime with. Ironically she also came into this lifetime with that same confusion and pain as she was almost strangled to death by her own umbilical chord at birth. It was something that effected her for a life time and was actually "working" it out at the time of her death.

I dont do drugs or drink too much and all of that. LIFE is way bigger and more connected that what we see. EVERYTHING IS IMPORTANT. And this is just A VERY SMALL BIT OF WHAT WE ARE CAPABLE OF. WE ARE ALL JESUS AND GOD, TOGEHTER AND INDIVIDUALLY. Its fun - lighten up and enjoy your great power - and dont listen to "slave" talk or thoughts. though that is hard not to do - i struggle with it every day - its in our genetics at this point for a long time - the "slave" genes so to speak.

Anyway, maybe its time for you to "lighten" and enlighten if you havent already. And though this may seem like the worst time and the "heaviest" time of your life your soul might be presenting you with a perfect opportunity. And there just might be something fishy going on with your friend and you know - just look

I also may be completely wrong -- its just my own intuition - but your the one who knows.



[edit on 18-7-2010 by lilygotsilly]

Originally posted by KilIuminati
sorry your friend is in hell

How are trolls like this allowed to post here? There was also a post earlier on this thread stating "Sorry OP, I heard you were gay!" Isn't the ban policy quite strict here? Even if that statement really comes from some fundamentalist's world of belief, at least he could elaborate it.

Not important, and it was too long.

You could just be making up stuff too. That sounded way too poetic, especially with some of those details. "looked like a skeleton" Oh give me a break, unless the guy was severely anorexic.

Anything for stars and flags...

Originally posted by glitchinmymatrix
Not important, and it was too long.

You could just be making up stuff too. That sounded way too poetic, especially with some of those details. "looked like a skeleton" Oh give me a break, unless the guy was severely anorexic.

Anything for stars and flags...

Sorry I have to disagree: it was very important to people who browse these sites; many recognized similar symptoms to themselves. I could've made it longer and more in detail if I wanted.
Don't you think it's quite common to refer to anorexic people as skeleton-like.
I don't have to reply to the "making stuff up" accusation. I'm not here for anyone's attention. I'd expect some more maturity, but I guess there will always be individuals like you who don't even read carefully before flaming.

[edit on 19-7-2010 by Jonas86]

reply to post by glitchinmymatrix


LOL If I would of wrote it it would of never been that high with stars and flags. I think I pissed that many people off.