My Friend Who Committed Suicide (Important Read)

To the OP:

Firstly, like everyone else, I'd like to say sorry for your loss; hopefully your friend is now in a better place and isn't suffering any longer.

Like a few others in this thread your story rings particularly true to me as it describes a very similiar situation I'm in myself. I have a best friend who I haven't seen properly during the last two years as he was moved location to go study at university however he's back locally now and in fact I saw him only yesterday.

Me and my mate discuss a wide variety of topics such as Quantum Mechanics, Meditation, UFO's, Zero Point Energy, Zen, Psychology etc etc at times we have felt so enlightened during our talks that we could be described as being high on life and to an observer it would look like we had consumed a variety of illegal substances.

Anyways, I love the guy and our conversations together, he went through a bad patch a few years ago when his mother died but now he's back on track and feeling connected with life and nature.

In fact he's at his university graduation ceremony now as we speak!

So its great to now that he's back on form however the problem is that I've recently gone the other way. I'd never commit suicide (no offence to your friend) as personally I see it as a bit of a cowardly way out but I can honestly understand why some people do.

Recently, I've felt more and more disconnected with life and reality. It's hard to explain but the symptoms of Depersonalization disorder sum it up quite well, I feel like I'm simply going through the motions and not living life, like life at the minute is like a film I'm watching.

Coupled with the fact I'm drinking too much at the minute, I'm not in a very good way mentally right now.

I'm not blaming the occult or the topics on ATS for the way I'm feeling, in fact I'd say they had nothing to do with it but strangely enough I have found myself on ATS more this week after feeling this way so as you can imagine it was pretty strange and ironic to read your thread (which only re-enforces my feelings of false reality)

At the end of the day I think some people can just snap, the saying goes that you can be too clever for your own good. I don't know exactly what was going on in your friends mind but I can offer how I'm feeling personally at the minute, pretty confused and disconnected for no real reason.

I think everyone needs to take a step back in life every now and again, not just away from ATS but away from everything, to completely relax and not worry about jobs, finances etc

It's easier said than done (I'm contradicting myself in a sense because I find that I can barely ever switch off) but I think it would be beneficial to everyone.

[edit on 17/7/10 by Death_Kron]

I love you and I love every single being on the Earth and beyond a lot.

When you seek enlightenment what you often find are dark forces that you didn’t expect would be there. You can pretend that you have the capability in yourself to deal with them, but you don’t. It grieves me deeply to think of how many young people listen to the voice telling them to kill themselves. That voice is the voice of a liar and a murderer.

Thank you for sharing your story. I would not be able to do the same. Sorry about your friend. When someone goes through an "awakening" sometimes the result is depression, a mental breakdown or ridicule from others.

That is a sad story,but when dealing with conspiracies and the
unknown it can get so overwhelming that even i have scared
myself to the point of losing my mind over feeling like i know
so much and people must know how corrupt and rotten this
society has become.

it's times like these where you have to take a step back from
the paranormal/conspiracies etc or they will swallow you up.

i remember myself a few years ago i went from being a very
outgoing person then i started getting obsessed on the UFO
scene again, i got all the books i could and hit all the sites i
could.in the end i just turned into a mess.totally withdrawn
from all my previous surroundings even friends.

that's when i had a good hard look at myself and put the books
down and quit thinking about all the cranky stuff all together.
i had to have a break.it's like information overload.

now i dont take life to seriously, I have got back into my stride
and view these topics as a form of light entertainment, a
Hobie if you like,but i know longer put them 1st.
i too could of easley ended up like your poor friend.

like it says on the tin"the dangers in investigating conspiracies
etc etc should be taken into account"have an open mind but not
so open that your brain falls out.

i'm very sorry for your loss, although most things have been mentioned here of the reasons why he did it, i just wanted to give me thoughts.
have you ever read the book of the strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? i'm sure you have at least heard of it. but a character, named Dr Lanyon witnesses the transformation of jekyll/hyde, he loses weight and then later dies of "shock", maybe your friend came across something truly remarkable, or maybe he just got tangled in the web of reality and fantasy and could no longer stay stuck.

The relationship between Consciousness and Reality is very strange. It might be hard sometimes to know where the boundaries are between these two ineffable entities that govern our perception...or are products of...or something in between. Obsession is destructive to the psyche and especially to one's ability to split this particularly fine hair. Learn to take a step back. Examine and test your beliefs always and in as many different ways as you can discover. It will be enlightening and fulfilling. It will open up the world again.

Please don't jump.

[edit on 17-7-2010 by czerro]

Some of us have reasons to want to leave this world as soon as possible.

Suicide is harsh, Why not let nature take its course?

Eventually our bodies will return to the earth, and our spiritual energy will be free to flow back into the universe.

Leaving on my own terms when the time comes will be simple. I will simply walk away and let nature take its course. I don't see that as suicide.

Before my departure I have a lot of things to do, and on my way out I will give this world a nice middle finger while waving goodbye.

I'll take enough supplies to last for several days, and hike out into the desert southwest, as far away from civilisation as possible and simply let nature take its course.

I will fight to live for as long as I can, so it isn't suicide, and who knows maybe I'll survive long enough to grow older and wiser before I die.

I will be free, either way, before I die and that is well worth the sacrifices I will make.

In the end, we all have to die. I can choose where I want to be, but I believe it is wrong to choose the exact moment, and place.

Live free, die content.

reply to post by stealthyaroura


Yes, a plug for the OP. The nonsense you just spewed is an agenda. More and more I have lost respect for the OP's story and now truly doubt his friend ever existed.



[edit on 17-7-2010 by Unity_99]

My heartfelt condolences to you for the loss of your friend. I prayed for your friend's spirit, for healing, so that he may go on into the spirit world unfettered.
I too, suffer from a mental illness, it's called schizo-affective disorder. It has many components, depression, mania, hallucinations, and delusions to name some. I used to manage it with medication. The side effects bothered me so much, that I stopped taking it. Today I use my Native American spiritual beliefs to manage my illness. I pray a lot. I attend ceremonies. I tried going to peyote meetings. I went for about two years. It wasn't my path. I tried Christianity, studied the Bible for years. About the only relevant thing I learned, is that if you stay on the narrow path everything will turn out alright. So i decided to just stick to my Native American beliefs, it explains so much, The Creator(Son-kwa-ia-ti-son) put my people on this planet to protect and preserve all life. I work toward that lofty ideal a little bit each day, that's all any one can do. Good luck on your journey. I pray you will have a safe one.

Not to downplay the trajety of the story presented, and my condolences for the departed and those close to the family,
but as I read through this thread, a handfull of replies seemed to refer to their mental states as if contemplating suicide, as well as using this site as a catalyst.

Now, reading between the lines, I submit that some posts are intended to draw on peoples emotion and get them to use this forum as some sort of confessional, or alternatively, that this is actually a setup by trolls concocting that ATS is a problem, maybe to further the agenda of certain groups senselessly uttering that conspiracy theorists are psychotic and sites such as ATS are breeding grounds of tragic consequence.

I'm just going to say that the reality of it is, this site has no authority over psyche or mental state, and as tragic as this story is, the drama generated in response, at least in some percentage, is like a Jerry Springer segment rather than reality or fact.

It's like saying people are going crazy because of ATS.

Come on now, there is a huge difference between an emotional story and psychological disfunction.

I know deeply the emotion of survivors regret, but I am not some heaven's gate cult zombie.

Give me a break. If someone said "my friend did it after listening to a Black Sabbath song",
most would think it a ploy of drama rather than a break from reality.

That's all I have gotten so far from this thread. A drama unfolding by those who wish to tie sites like this to causing insanity. Nexy thing you know, ATS will be a cause of carbon emissions that is destroying the world.

That's so much crap, I know I'll find a shetland pony in here somewhere.

More credible is that "Yes we can" backwards says "Thank you satan".

Does this mean that a certain campain has caused a hive-mind of satan worshipers?
Of course it does, doesn't it?

[edit on 17-7-2010 by imd12c4funn]

I had a friend (ex-girlfriend) commit suicide not long after we broke up. Its wasnt my fault, I know that. However, it took me a couple of years to get over the loss and come to terms with it. I actually drove a lot of people out of my life because of it.
I didnt take any medication or see a phych about it, but I suppose it might have helped me deal with it all faster. I just went day by day and eventually came to terms with it. Sadly, its something that I still think about from time to time and it still makes me sad.

I feel for your loss and share in your pain. I wish you the best on your journey through this time.

God bless you son. I thank you very much for sharing this story with us, it was so well written that i caught myself shedding some tears. I am now an old man\not that old, but i really do understand where your friend is coming from.

I have been in the army,worked as a psychologist and now as a scientist for the Us government.

The path he was on, is absolutely amazing, BUT it might be too much information for the "random public person". He obviously was a very intelligent person, but handling the information he got himself to find actually require a 3\5 year "school" of relating to the information professionally and at the same time keeping your feet on the ground.

Without the practice of that and learning how to deal with the information you will at most times end up depressed like your friend.

I work with something called Extra terrestrials, i do not know what your friend told you. But they do exist, they are no longer a theory,even though it might still be that for the public. But time is changing and the government is trying slowly to make people understand that it as real as it can get.

We humans are an extra terrestrial race also. I will show you a video of people who has been working with the same as me.


Extra Terrestrials--

*www.youtube.com...

Show sponsored by the governments of the world.

*www.youtube.com...

If you still want to know more about other grasping topics listen to Michio kaku,he is the einstein of the year 2000. Use youtube


Thank you very very much of sharing your story. God bless.

You know, I saw this story on the board and ignored it a few times.
But ultimately this morning I decided to read it, I'm glad I did.
This story definitely hits a certain human element. I have never dealt with suicide, not personally anyways.
Though I do feel that a few years ago I could have slipped of the edge. Weird enough, it was a year after I came to the conclusion 911 was crock of garbage. After that I continuously just researched and researched. I learned all the corruption. The freemasons, the illuminati, the NWO. I really got into it, I nearly went insane. I believed almost anything I read. I hadn't developed my 'Better judgment skills'. Though, I went through a soul searching experience when I was 18. I actually took a day off school, just to visit a bunch of diiferent churches and temples. Ultimately I ended up at a hindu temple, my mind was blown by its beauty,(its the one in toronto if you are interested). Out of curiosity, I asked if I could speak to someone, and low and behold, the next thing I knew I was speaking to a monk in a confined room with couches and chairs. I spent 3 hours with a man named Nichovidicus ( Ironically my name is Nicholas). He went on to explain the universe from such a profound angle. He took my questions and answered them throughly. That day changed my life, I didn't look at it from the same angle any more. I put all the pieces together, I open my third eye.

Ever since then I have been determined in pretty much all I do. I went from being a 55% average for most highschool to leaving with 82%.
Though I often think about what would have happened if I had indeed fallen off the edge.

We have just gone through thread after thread of what I call agents, trying to turn people off looking up, and knowing about the ET/UFO issues. We have just gone through threads talking about the codex alimentarius and also a new one talkign about the US authorities seizing farms and all healthy food co-ops, whole foods, non GM, with all kinds of drummed up cases where they commit crimes against civilians and then turn it around as a reason to act and shut down peoples right to decide for themselves. We just read about them declaring healthy diets, and interest in nutrition being declared a mental illness. Now this thread is saying, his friend committed suicide because he was into conspiracies, and named the ones they want to shut down mostly (their overall agendas and bloodlines, ets/ufology/ healthy food).

Stop sending condolesences he hasnt' earned them. Being awake to the world around you empowers you and makes you stronger and able to help. It never ever causes suicide, unless they have "suicided" you on their agenda. If someone commits suicide from this, its a mental condition. For me the thing that upsets me is the news. I wonder how many commit suicide or crimes from cnn?? Hmmm.....

Note his words he is blaming the conspriacy info.

OP: So, I'm so very sorry for this loss it must be hard. I need to ask you some questions. Do you see conspiracies as the thing that created the mental disorder, chemical inbalance, or did his chemical inbalance lead him to opening his eys (oops, I mean to following all this crazy talk online).

Depending on your answer, what do you think should be done about those who research and do better jobs at digging for answers than cnn and msn and all the news media combined (oops, I meant the crazies researching all this paranoia?)

Do you think they should be locked up indefinitely for their own good and fed meds?

Sounds like NWO to me (oops I mean, um.... I STAND BY WHAT I SAID!)



[edit on 17-7-2010 by Unity_99]

Some mental care station and what a supporting family, even lying about his death. So the guy didn't do well but it took just one day at that care station in the hands of professionals and he succesfully commits suicide.

Having been there myself, I confessed to my family my "spiritual contacts" were going bad and I needed their support for a while. Before I knew it I was being pressured into going to a closed institution where they would make me better. I resorted to the freedom of religion to evade forced medicine, being put in a mental institution, even electroshock was proposed to me! Looking back, while I was down and out (psychosis) being forced into an institition by my own family would make me try to escape as well but I was lucky despite having to go through that.

reply to post by Dragonfly79


Read my post above and dont feed trolls personal information. He hasnt earned that. Nor come back on to face concerns over his OP. I have many concerns over his OP. I think he should be on and explaining his viewpoints more.

[edit on 17-7-2010 by Unity_99]

I read this story with my GF and we both sat and cried for awhile. Both of us have lost friends, family, and a few to suicide (and it never gets easier).

There's nothing I can say or do to make the situation better, but take heart that if your friend is right - and we are truly drops of consciousness floating in a cosmic sea of consciousness (as is my belief as well), then he has returned to an ocean of understanding that will give him answers somehow.

Our condolences, and thank you so much for sharing this thread.

[Edited for my fat fingered spelling]

[edit on 17-7-2010 by EnkiCarbone]

reply to post by EnkiCarbone


There is a lot to cry over in this world, the news always did that so I couldnt sleep at night, I had to hold candles to all the victims of the heartless political agendas, and also the trauma victims , the crimes of the people. Ie. the boy who killed his foster family with an axe. Many many nights holding candles for all of them and him too. The Gulf War , and the kurdish people who tried to walk out with only a few of their belongs and precious children and the world didnt let them have refuge anywhere and on the news we watched all the children die of starvation.

Rwanda, when 100,000 machetes were brought in from china, and one of the few symbols of middle class in Africa was massacred, (I think the others may have wanted equality too) and we were told this was tribal wars.

Yeah I cried alot, can hardly cry any more.

Also we've lost friends and my family too, but NOT to being awake and aware about teh world.

The OP needs to come on and address WHY he links seeing clearly and conspiracies to mental illness and suicide. Why he even added health food into the mix as a further sign/symptom to his mental illness.

He hasnt yet.

So Im saving my tears.

Sorry to hear of your friend! It is hard to say why for sure.

One thing I find fishy is that his parents took him to mental health treatment. I wonder if they gave him some supposed anti-depressant type drug at least while he was in there. Those are known to cause suicidal tendencies. And the fact hat he commited suicide after being in there makes me suspicious.

One thing people need to remember is not to become in a hurry or obsessed with seeking further light and knowledge. We are all at a certain stage of our eternal life evolution and can only understand or handle certain things according to that stage. It will all come eventually after many lives.

Suicides tend to come right back so they can work through what caused them to to commit suicide. The soul sends them back into similar circumstances till they learn what they need and learn and not to commit suicide.