posted on Jul, 15 2010 @ 11:49 PM
PART 3 (continued from above)
The female who had accompanied me all this way guided me over to one clump of maybe 10-20 people. She was then introducing me to this little group.
"Now say hello to our new member." Everyone in the circle dutifully stopped what they had been doing and looked at me and said
At this point I realized something that made my skin crawl. Each person in the group had a "double." That is, each person was standing next to an
exactly identical version of themselves! This was absolutely petrifying because it was so unusual. The people themselves were pretty unremarkable, of
various ages and non-descript appearances, but there would be one man, and then and identical man next to him, then a woman, with an exact
doppelganger next to her, etc. It was like an encounter group of identical twins.
"Now go stand next to your partner," the woman urged me. I knew what was coming next and it terrified me. I, too, had a "twin" here and I was
going to be forced to confront him. I looked at the floor. Under NO CONDITION did I want to look at this person. "Go on, shoo," she said with some
exasperation. "Go find your partner!" There seemed to be no point in putting it off.
I looked at the group and suddenly I saw my "identical twin." This was me! Another me. I went over and stood next to…this other version of myself.
But while I was filthy and dressed in a ragged hospital garment, this other self was much more put together. Wearing nice slacks, pale blue Oxford
shirt, belt, hair neatly combed. He didn’t seem too surprised to see me. "Hello," he said. Just like everyone else. I sat down next to him.
The group now began to pick up with the activity they had been undergoing before I joined. Everyone was slowly chanting in a long, drawn-out way. But
they/we weren’t chanting it in complete unison; it was more like the chanting was somehow rippling around the circle in a slow wave. I joined in the
chant without effort, seeming to know exactly when to say it and when to keep quiet. Again, the odd feeling of intersubjectivity returned, but not as
chaotic as it had been the last time. Once again, it was as if none of us had firm egos, and we were all sliding into each other, slipping loosely out
of ourselves. A frightening sense of lack of control washed over me once more, but this time it was tainted with an even darker fear. Because although
I had no control myself, somebody or something had a kind of control over the situation…there was a pattern here. Our most basic sense of self was
being uncoupled and unmoored, but not left to expand naturally in a transcendental way…rather, it was being manipulated, combed into these rippling
Then the game changed slightly. Rather than chanting as a group, we stopped and each person had to insult the person next to them in a sharp, very
harsh and accusing way. Nobody gave explicit instructions but there was absolutely no doubt that this was what was expected of us. Now it was my turn
and the sickening thing was that I had to look at my doppelganger in the eyes and shout an insult at him. There was a strong sense that if I failed to
do this I would be tortured most severely. So I did it. I looked at "my other self" in the eye screamed an insult at him. Then I turned to the
person on the other side of me (a stranger this time) and did the same thing. The pattern moved on.
I now had the glimmerings of an understanding of what was being done here. I was being trained to hate myself (though the doppelganger) and also to
hate another random person (through the person next to me). This form of manipulation was of the blackest sort of evil. "They" (whoever was
controlling this) were reaching into us, unmooring our sense of self, and somehow shaping us in a hateful, aggressive direction. I had no idea of what
"their" ultimate aims were, but the malevolence and sheer daunting scope of the situation started to impress itself on me.
Suddenly, my doppelganger spoke to me. "Pretty frightening, isn’t it?," he said. I could tell he was a more "processed" version of myself, who
had undergone this "training regimin" for a longer period…he seemed less rattled by the whole thing than me, but also more hollowed-out and blank
as a human…the process of depersonalization had become more advanced. But was this also me? Which one was I? This was utterly depraved and there was
no way out.
Then the other person, the stranger on my left who I had insulted earlier, also spoke to me in a low, insistent tone. Or maybe it was telepathy. "But
you can’t resist it or refuse. Otherwise they’ll bring the injections and the shock machines out, and that’s even worse. Far worse. For
everyone. The pain is inconceivable. So you have to go along with it or we will all suffer."
I was trapped, confused, unable to respond to this situation. The game shifted again and we were all standing up, doing some kind of dance towards and
away from each other. Then the scene faded rather abruptly, breaking down into a patchwork of random pattern-style hallucinations. I had returned to
Nothing else like this ever happened to me before or since.