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Letters I’ve Written, Never Meaning To Send ?

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posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:27 PM
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Letters I’ve Written, Never Meaning To Send ?


Some of you music fans will get that title. I’m not even sure that it’s the correct
Title for my thread, but read on, you’ll see where I’m going with this.

The subject is : Death.

I’ve been thinking about it recently. I’m not necessarily afraid of dying or how I will die.
I guess I need to say it like this: Being alive, thinking about life, I get scared and sad, thinking that some day, I will no longer exist. Does that make sense?

So, thinking along those lines, I was thinking I want my friends and family to know, what I was thinking.

I’ve decided that I’m going to write letters to my family and friends. These are to be handed out to them after my death.

These letters will be given to, my Daughter, my wife, my ex-wife, my father (if he’s still around), both of my brothers, A dear friend from my childhood, some friends that I have now and some others who I have known during my life.

What will the letters contain? Well, things I want to say, but either can’t in person or things that maybe would be better said after I’m gone, things that I can share with that one person, who needs to know and should be the only one to know.

For instance, the letter to my daughter, I want to tell her about some things that happened before she was born, things I felt when she was little and especially about when her mother and I divorced, I just want to clear the air. I think if I did it now, it could cause hard feelings, not only in the situation with my daughter, but with a couple of other people in my life.

Does doing it this way make me a coward or less of a man? Maybe I am avoiding conversations that need to be had, should I go to these people now and share my thoughts with them? I actually confused about it.

Another part of me thinks this is really a great idea. I can write and write and share my thoughts and feelings from over the years right up until my death. These will be keepsakes that my family and friends can have and re-read whenever they want to. I guess in my mind, it would keep a part of me alive.

So, that’s it, the big plan.

What do you think?




posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:37 PM
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I think you have had a great idea!

When your people will receive those letters, I am 100% sure it will help them "let you go".

I also think that you should directly tell the people that are more likely to die before you what they would've received after your death.


Good luck,
Deep

S + F



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:37 PM
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Sounds like a great plan.

The Moody Blues "Nights in White Satin" is a classic, and touches me as it was my first slow dance at a seventh grade dance.

We never seem to be able to truly open up with family, mine are all gone now. But I am never alone as I carry them in my heart, and I am also glad thay missed these crazy times. I never had children, but empathize about your daughter, you should open up to her now while you have the time.

Peace



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:45 PM
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I don't think it makes you less a man at all.
I will ask you though...do you think it is healthy to withhold your TRUE feelings.
Sometimes the road less travelled is the road with more knowledge.
Obviously you don't want to ruffle feathers but is it healthy to not be real about what you really feel??

I have been ruffling a few feathers in my life talking about things that others don't want to talk about at all and I feel liberated by the truth of being honest about things.
Some have walked out of my life but thats ok...I choose not to live in a false manner by IGNORING(root word is ignore and also the root word of ignorance.)

In the end I am not bothered if they walked out or not.
If they can't stick around for the long haul then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
The things that are meant to be are now and today.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:46 PM
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reply to post by DrumsRfun
 


Good points.

I think part of it is I would just rather leave something behind, something tangible. Know what I mean?



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:47 PM
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reply to post by elevatedone
 


As long as the air gets cleared and there is no hidden baggage in the end then its a good plan.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 02:50 PM
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reply to post by DrumsRfun
 


Exactly.


I'll share this.

My Wife's letter, after I'm gone, I want her to know the love I felt for her.
Now I tell her every day and try to show her in everything I do. Sometimes though, I feel it just isn't enough.

By writing it down one last time, she'll be able to take that letter and read it over and over again, if she wants to.

Or on second thought, would that make it tougher to let me go ?



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:02 PM
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I have toyed around with the idea of keeping a journal for just the same purpose.
I started one a couple of years ago, but my life was in such a messy state of affairs (as some here know well) that it just didn't make good future reading material for my children or anyone else.
Now that my life is returning to some level of normal and happiness, it would be a good time to pick up my book again and start writing.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:03 PM
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Originally posted by elevatedone
reply to post by DrumsRfun
 


Exactly.


I'll share this.

My Wife's letter, after I'm gone, I want her to know the love I felt for her.
Now I tell her every day and try to show her in everything I do. Sometimes though, I feel it just isn't enough.

By writing it down one last time, she'll be able to take that letter and read it over and over again, if she wants to.

Or on second thought, would that make it tougher to let me go ?


On the contrary..I believe she would cherish it, and almost NEED it.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:08 PM
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Originally posted by elevatedone
reply to post by DrumsRfun
 


Exactly.


I'll share this.

My Wife's letter, after I'm gone, I want her to know the love I felt for her.
Now I tell her every day and try to show her in everything I do. Sometimes though, I feel it just isn't enough.

Or on second thought, would that make it tougher to let me go ?


I don't know your wife so its hard to say if it would be tougher to let you go but,I will say that I would assume she would already know this HANDS DOWN,by the sound of how you already treat her.
I think the route you are taking is great.


Maybe a letter is a good idea.
Closure is always needed and sometimes not so easy for some.
I think it would depend on how strong the person is.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:09 PM
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I applaud your thinking.

This is the exact type of thing we should be learning in schools.. Human nature and emotions (amongst other things on a similar line)

The more we are able to understand ourselves and those around us, the more we will be able to speak openly and freely with the knowledge that everything said is meant with good intent.

I am sure we all have very similar dilemmas over the years..should I , shouldn't I say something..

Damned if you do, damned if you don't...

It is a sad state of affairs when we can only speak out from the grave.
In my life, I have met and been involved with many people and, yes, i have made the odd mistake or two..or three..and I would love to be able to meet with anyone i have ever wronged and put things straight.

The problem with this is that most of them have matured at the same rate as I have, so they will probably understand and accept things anyway..so there may be no need for me to put things right, but I still feel compelled to have my say. It's more of a release of deep thoughts and feelings.

Perhaps this is why certain religious practices allows confession. It frees your mind of any burdens.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:14 PM
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Write the letters. See how they make you feel.
Keep them.
If later you decide for whatever reason you want to change your mind, you can.
Being kind to someone and wanting them to understand how you feel is never a bad idea.

eta: I think as life rolls along, it becomes easier to do this kind of thing, to say these things. My father said things to me before he died, that I would never have imagined. So keep the letters, but you might find as the time draws near, they are not needed, because the things you want them to know, you have told them.

But if there should be an accident, or untimely demise, then, there they are.

(Good grief, I hope it's a long time away. We don't need to lose another member anytime soon.! I've had enough of that.)

[edit on 7/14/2010 by ladyinwaiting]



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:15 PM
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Great idea...

The only problem is if you explain things 'after' you should have explained when you were alive (you sited writing your daughter about divorcing her mother) - well - it could lead to more pain than good.

Plus, you're not there to answer any questions your revelations might spawn. And being a MOD I'm sure you see your fill of how what people write and what they mean sometimes can be two very different things.

All in all I think it's a fabulous idea - I'd just caution you to be very careful (as I'm sure you would be without my caution) on just what you explain and how much detail you go into...

peace



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:16 PM
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reply to post by elevatedone
 


A wonderful thread title and thread... (also loved 'Tuesday Afternoon...')

I have already included in an envelope containing my will, letters to my ex wife (we're still friends), daughter and son. All I hope positive and even humorous, thanking them for being them, reminding them of certain events or characteristics etc... and still tryng to give guidance.

Sure, they are still alive to-day and bit by bit I try and let them know but as they are on life's harsh treadmill, not sure if they have time to fully understand.

Death certainly provides an opportunity to stop, read and (hopefully) understand.

Peace!



[edit on 14-7-2010 by The Wave]



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:18 PM
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When I had cancer, I wrote letters to everyone to be delivered upon my death. When I went into remission, I burned those letters. I then went to each of those who would have received a letter from me and let them know how I felt. Facing my own death gave me a perspective that I otherwise would never had. I know that I am loved and my family knows that I love them. For me, that's all that matters.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:21 PM
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reply to post by ladyinwaiting
 


You see, this is one of the problems with writing such letters.

Say, for example, you wrote one tonight... then you find yourself still alive in ten years time but now your level of knowledge and understanding has increased considerably.. your ten year old letter may read like a 6 year old wrote it, but not only that, your entire perception on situations may have changed and you may have a far better vocabulary in order to write something more to the point, with far deeper meaning.

You could write a few lines once a month, or a couple of times a year in each letter.. This way you keep up to date with your thoughts and thinking and your ability to express.

I would find it odd to get a twenty year old "sorry" letter from someone that had just passed on but I have had daily contact with for the last three years and with whom all words that could be spoken, have been spoken.. i would understand though and it would be kinda nice to have something like a letter to remember them by.

But then, what am i gonna do with said letter once I pass on? Have a box of letters from random people to pass on to those I leave behind?



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:24 PM
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reply to post by Extralien
 


Like my will I review it and the letters at least once a year amd revise them as required.

Basically though some of the fundamental substance doesn't change (although my estate always seems to - downwards!)

Peace!



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:25 PM
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reply to post by The Wave
 


Yes, yes and yes. Thats part of what I forgot to say.

There are things I would put in each letter to remind that particular person of who I was and how I want them to remember me and humor would be a huge part of it.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:36 PM
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reply to post by elevatedone
 


My parents passed away back in Feb of 2006. You can read the story by clicking on the 1st place button in my siggy. We did not have traditional funerals for them but homegoing celbrations. My sister and I compiled videos with pictures and music to present at the end of each of their services. I still have my copies and they are great when ever I go to missing them. It is truley an eye opener to have a service with laughter and celbration of the life of the person being honored. You mihgt want to consider having one of these made for your own service while you are still with us.



posted on Jul, 14 2010 @ 03:39 PM
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reply to post by darkelf
 


Excellent.

I've already told my wife, I don't want a traditional funeral.

I want a party. Family, friends, listening to music and watching the Steelers play.


I'd really like the idea of pictures and videos to be shown and let them all remember the good times, mainly me laughing and being silly as I usually am.



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