Homeless or Helpless?

I have over many years now, noted that the same homeless people have been in this area for a long time now. A lot of new faces in the homeless crowd lately too. I have known a few of them, those I know all wound up in their situation for the same reasons, either drugs or alcohol and the things they do to get them, like stealing from their own families, then they can't even go back to the only people they really have ties to.

I passed my little brother this morning. He is now one of them. He is riding a bike with a big basket strapped to the back, all his belongings in that basket. He is dirty, broke, hungry, and high as hell on meth.

My heart is broken, but I am so mad at him for doing this to himself.

So many of the homeless can share his story, the main problem is they won't , or can't help themselves. They way I see it, someone that far gone on drugs or drinking IS mentally ill, if even temporarily, they are ill. They need help. But how do you help them?

I feel I can trust my brother to have him stay at my home, but, everyone else who has tried, he stole from them.

Have any of you ever dealt with a homeless family member with success in turning their life around? What could be some pointers? I already know that just asking him into the house isn't a good idea, done that, he eats, bathes, and leaves till he hits bottom again.

Sorry Mods if this doesn't fit this category, not sure what else to do with it.

You can't, they gotta wanna help themselves. You more or less can show them you care but outside of that you would be putting yourself in danger by sticking your neck out any further. Meth-heads do not care who they steal from, friend or foe. It is my opinion that if you became homeless that there are ways out of it, but if you bring drugs into the mix that further complicates it.

reply to post by The Endtime Warrior


At this point, I know he would rather be like he is now, than have anyone trying to stop his drug use. Just like the homeless that come by the hotel in the middle of the night asking for coffee, I feel sorry for them, but I know I can't even trust them to allow them in the service area, they will steal everything around there, done that too.

Is your brother a minor?

reply to post by space cadet


I speak from experience too, although my cousin is not homeless in the "traditional" sense in that he usually crashes at other people's homes. He stayed with my family when I was younger and he ripped us off. Of course we didnt' know he was abusing coc aine at the time, but after finding that out we tend to keep our distance.

reply to post by LadySkadi


No, he is 50 this year. I call him my little brother out of pure habit, he is the younger of my 2 brothers, he is actually older than me.

Over the years I have watched him go through using coc aine, powder form, snorting, into intravenous use, also MDA and various pills, then crack coc aine, then meth. The meth is powerful, not like any other drug he has ever done. He used to 'burn out' and go get help after awhile, turn himself into a drug rehab and stay awhile, get out and start over, always turning back to drugs. But since he met meth, he has not gone for any type of help, and is delusional about what he thinks it does for him. He defends it to the end.

reply to post by space cadet


Ah. I understand. It sounds like it has been a long struggle for him, you and the rest of the family. Unfortunately, (as you may well understand) there is not much *you can do, it really has to be him. If it's truly affecting your life (emotionally or otherwise) perhaps the best thing *you can do is seek support for yourself. Others that have or are going through similar situations. Strength in numbers, sort of thing. Sorry that it's not more useful and direct suggestions for your brother, but I suspect you already know what must be done for him and where that must come from. If there is no way to forcibly get him to rehab, then the chances he will choose to go on his own, are slim to none. Meth will own him. What you must do, is care for your own peace of mind.

reply to post by space cadet


Drug addiction is a form of self medication.
You have no right to take away their medicine.
And you cant expect them to function without it.

Its a disease created by the government.

The only way to help them is to give them a home and
the drugs they need. This is financially impractical for
most of us.

So they are screwed. Its called benign neglect.

reply to post by RRokkyy


Lol. Victim much?
Your post is ridiculous.

reply to post by space cadet

What could be some pointers?

All I can offer you the the suggestion that you don't expect him to change. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But it's not up to you. If you show him kindness, so be it. But don't show him kindness expecting that he'll change. That's not kindness.

It's extortion.

leaves till he hits bottom again.

...this might not be a very easy idea to accept, but it's possible that he may actually be comfortable in his present situation. Different things bother different people...differently. You may look on and see him as being in an awful, horrible situation...but what if he is looking on others who feel compelled to wake up at the same time every day, feel compelled to dress up in uncomfortable clothes and work a job they hate just so they can barely survive...what if he is looking on those people as being in the worse situation?

My heart is broken, but I am so mad at him for doing this to himself.

Why does it hurt you? As you say, he did this to himself. Is it possible that it hurts him less to be in his situation than it hurts you to see him in it? Trying to compell, or manipulate him into changing for your own personal comfort might not be what he wants.

Allow him to make his own choices.

EDIT:
Probably the greatest kindness you can offer him is acceptance.


[edit on 10-7-2010 by LordBucket]

reply to post by RRokkyy


The government has nothing to do with his drug abuse. He did it on his own. And no, he didn't start with pot and work his way up, he went straight for the coke.

He didn't learn from the government how to make meth, he learned on his own. He didn't buy it from the government, he bought it from illegal mexicans. Now he makes his own.

I don't understand your contribution to this thread, it makes no sense.

Hey Space Cadet,

I have missed your wonderful posts. Unfortunately, this one is quite serious.

Until your close family member hits rock bottom, the game continues. Intervention is the only way to regain your relationships with addictive personalities.

I'm sorry your are going through this, but it will continue until your relative seeks help, you are stuck as being the person that says "NO".

Encourage and try hard to change the situation. Bless you and good luck.

reply to post by space cadet


From seing alot of my friends and dealing with similar addictions myself i can tell you once people go so far as disregarding everything for there next "high"
there is nothing you can do for him. There are many methods in wich people choose, non stop care, in wich they rely on you and dissapoint you each time when they fall off the wagon. Tough love, in wich you risk loosing your brother for ever. This is really just a issue people tend to address differently and you might get alot of responses telling you how you should deal with him.

But my personal experiance and this is what i have seen with everyone around me. Is that alot of people have to reach the bottom before they can rise up and see life differently. Selfcontrol is a keyfactor when dealing with addiction, and there is no reasoning with a man clouded by the high he is in. He must find the longing for better life and freedom from the affliction he has. For being able to change yourself, you must want to change your ways.

But again that is just what i have observed.
What suits one might not suite others as we are all different.

Good luck with deciding what path you choose, as i know how hard it is to watch a person in wich you care deeply about fall into the pit of abyss.

reply to post by LordBucket


I don't try to extort from him, I don't lay out any expectations for him. I just give him food if he's hungry, allow him to bathe and get some rest.

There is a lot of truth though to what you are saying in regards to how some people are. He is, I think, institutionalized. He was in jail for years for a burglary. Our mother passed away just days before he was released.
That was over 10 years ago. He just hasn't ever found a place. He doesn't 'fit in' anywhere. As a meth cook, he is a rock star among his customers.

reply to post by space cadet

As a meth cook, he is a rock star among his customers.

I bet it feels better to be a rockstar amongst meth addicts than to be a washed up, lonely old man amonsgt successful family and business people.

My little sister is super smart and ended up on the same road of drugs and no place to call home. Because of her there was no way that I would even consider wasting one second trying hard core drugs.

Even though she contracted Hepatitis C from sharing needles, she was still smart enough to go back to school (Pharmacy school too which is somewhat ironic) but she ended screwing up the first job she got once done and ended owing them money for not fulfilling her contract.

I do not know where she is now, but I imagine she is not well. So sad because she is way more book smart than I am, but I was always more street smart. I sometimes wonder if it was because our mother favored her too much.

reply to post by LadySkadi


Thanks.
And thanks for the star!

reply to post by space cadet
Hiya Space. It sounds to me like you're already doing the right things. Your brother has an itch he can't scratch, but it's not unknown for some people to recover from the life. If he recovers, the simple fact that you never stopped being there for him will be recognised.

You can let him into your home, but his needs for the meth already outweigh his needs for food and water. When they have greater priority than life's essentials, loyalty or honesty turn a blind eye.

With drug dependency, I believe that there's a relationship between mental and physical dependency. People who escape the life are less mentally dependent on whatever drug. For others who've 'sold their souls' and have full mental dependence, it's a bleak prospect...homelessness, death or prison.

If your brother's more physically dependent, just keep on being there because one day he'll kick the habit.

nvm.

[edit on 11-7-2010 by LadySkadi]

Originally posted by space cadet
reply to post by RRokkyy

 

The government has nothing to do with his drug abuse. He did it on his own. And no, he didn't start with pot and work his way up, he went straight for the coke.

He didn't learn from the government how to make meth, he learned on his own. He didn't buy it from the government, he bought it from illegal mexicans. Now he makes his own.

I don't understand your contribution to this thread, it makes no sense.

One night partying as a stoned black man in Foggy Bottoms Louisiana is better than your entire life.
Hope that explains it.