Installing husband !

INSTALLING HUSBAND !A woman writes to the IT Technical support.....

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ______

___ _______
REPLY

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: I thoughtyoulovedme. html and try to downloadTears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1 .
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software
to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam! !

lmao

I remember this one
I got it in an e-mail quite some time ago
and laughed then
but had to laugh again now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

here's ya another one

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

****** The Husband Store *****

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going..

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak..

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

reply to post by beckybecky


A tad one sided...

Marriage is the best form of contraceptive....

BTW S&F for the laugh...

I hope there is a male counter somewhere

There are several versions of the male side. In fact, this is the first time I've read the female version (and it's hilarious! ).

Here's a man's version:

Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 : )
Dear Tech Support team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!

Thanks,
“A Troubled User”

———————————————————-
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.
It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this.

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.

Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, weep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install GoodLookingSecretary 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

[edit on 7-7-2010 by Saint Exupery]

reply to post by Saint Exupery

Sarees? What is that? Is that an Indian thing? I would have said flowers instead, like the female version!

But it's nice to see there's a version for each sex.

reply to post by Arbitrageur


Hah! Serves me right for not proofing it.

I was in a hurry, so I just googled "Wife 1.0" and picked one at random. A cursory glance suggested I'd gotten the british version (a reference to cricket), but indeed, it looks like I got the indian version - a sari is the traditional indian womens' dress. It's nice to see the joke has such international appeal!

reply to post by beckybecky


The patch to fix this is running app Sex 2.0 at least once a week. Then, Husband 1.0 should run just fine. Failure to run this app could result in a virus called Affair 3.5.....

Originally posted by Gazrok
The patch to fix this is running app Sex 2.0 at least once a week. Then, Husband 1.0 should run just fine. Failure to run this app could result in a virus called Affair 3.5.....

Affair 3.5 can also lead to infection of Fortune 0.5

For full cover, I also recommend Meals 1.0 and Roleplay 8.0

[edit on 14/7/2010 by Dark Ghost]