I feel like i'm changing.

I know I'm not going crazy, but there are situations where I make myself seem like it. Not a day goes by where I have these random flash backs of painfully embarrassing memories from back when I was in high school. I catch myself trying to change the scenario by saying what SHOULD have been said when thinking of the memory. I end up saying # out loud. My self esteem has reached an all time low and at one point, I thought I was suffering from Social Anxiety but that isn't the case. I went to a bar with some family a few days ago and just kept saying the stupidest #. I couldn't help it. I try so hard not to make myself look like an idiot, and when I am talking, I get this feeling that everybody thinks i'm crazy, or that i'm a complete ditz. Basically, it seems as if i'm always being judged on anything I say. I feel like I may turn into a hermit and just keep myself away from people for fear of embarrassment, but know with every bit of myself that something needs to change.

There are times when I believe I may be going crazy, but then there are days where I know nothing is wrong and that i'm about to have an amazing day. It's on and off and for the most part, unsettling, disappointing, and very tiresome. Is there anybody that can relate to me? I talk to a select group of people about certain things. The law of attraction and being positive for one. Then, there are times where I get TOO into it and either freak the person out or have them gawk at me. I wasn't this much of an idiot, I have random spurts of it. Can someone please ... give me some type of guidance?



[edit on 25-6-2010 by Simply J]

First off, how old are you? Is kind of sounds like you're going through early adulthood insecurities, which is pretty common. If you're insecure and thinking people are judging you, they will. I've been there.

It simply sounds like you're an introvert living in an extroverted world. Keep your beliefs to those who are open to them. If they don't want anything to do with it, what of it? Don't worry much about what people think about you. As long as you have a good set of morals/ethics, you'll be fine. If something is really a miss, someone will let you know.

You may also want to look into your diet. Eating a crap junk food diet for years will deteriorate your intellectual potential, and perhaps make you anxious and spout out random nonsense. I know eating a whole foods diet really helped me out.

It takes a lot of courage to reach out, and to admit things that are less than ideal about ourselves, so please, let me commend you for that.

I think we all have times like that, awkward, "inappropriate," just plain uncomfortable.

The advice about the diet, and the time of life you are in are spot on, imo.

It may sound silly and elemental, but up your water and vitamin intake, for sure. Especially C and B complex. It will really help with anxiety. (personal experience)

reply to post by unityemissions


I'm 21. I guess you have some good points on the whole introvert extrovert situation. Thing is, I don't want to stay in this ... sheltered situation. I'm trying to change that about myself and it's just a mess right now. Ty for your input. Some times it's easier said then done, but I will keep pushing myself, even if my body would rather curl into a ball or retreat. =P

You said that you feel like you are changing - as humans we change thru out our entire lives - its normal. You may be going thru a period of adjustment or of finding your true self and are more aware of what you say and do in front of others. And yes people will judge you, let them - just stay with your ethics and practice good morals. Some of us relate better to animals then people, I found that out for myself not too many years ago and it has made me happier to devote my time and energy to them. The advice regarding a good diet is sound. If you drink, watch your alcohol intake, it is a depressant. May things improve for you soon, thank you for your bravery of sharing with us.

reply to post by Simply J


I have a few suggestions.

Depression and Powerlessness


Oprah & Eckhart Tolle cure Anxiety Depression www.guardianrelease.com


Tips for Getting Out Of Depression


I'm no expert, but being a former Security Officer, who dealt with psyche patients, if you feel you are a threat to yourself or others, go to the hospital.

Ask them about being Baker Acted.

It's a Florida law and I'm not sure where you are but it might help you.

Quote from Wikipedia : Florida Mental Health Act

The Florida Mental Health Act of 1971 (commonly known as the "Baker Act") is a Florida statute allowing for involuntary examination of an individual.

It was originally enacted, at least in part, because of widespread instances of elder abuse, in which one or more family members would have another family member committed in order to gain control over their estate prior to their death.

Once committed, it was difficult for many of the patients to obtain representation, and they became warehoused until their death.

The Florida State Hospital at Chattahoochee, Florida was notorious for housing many such patients.

The Baker Act allows for involuntary examination (what some call emergency or involuntary commitment).

It can be initiated by judges, law enforcement officials, physicians or mental health professionals.

There must be evidence that the person has a mental illness (as defined in the Baker Act) and
is a harm to self, harm to others, or self neglectful (as defined in the Baker Act).

Examinations may last up to 72 hours and occur in over 100 Florida Department of Children and Families-designated receiving facilities statewide.

Again, I'm not a professional, but I recognize the signs and symptoms of depression.

Seek help with people offline.

Depending upon your area usually the phone book has free-counseling numbers.

It might do you a world of good to seek help from people who are professionals.

reply to post by Simply J


Listen to your body and mind, friend. They will tell you all you need to know. If you feel like you want to crawl into a ball, then there's some issues which need to be addressed when the time is right.

I think the above poster mentioning b-vitamins and vit-c had good advice. I went through a rough patch, and the only thing that got me passed the hump was the two of those, along with a zinc supplement.

I'm 27, and had a lot of social issues growing up. It wasn't really until a couple of years ago that I started getting out, going to bars, and actually feeling relaxed. Before that I was always really tense, thoughts going a million miles an hour, and although my personality is one of balance, at times it was too intense to bare the experiences and I'd spout out random things, too.

The truth is that our environment is pretty messed up these days, and it's affecting everyone differently. Some people are extra sensitive to things, and are having extra difficulties. I mean, most people are taking some sort of pharmaceutical or drinking daily or taking sleeping pills or puffing on something fanciful to get by. If you're going at this sober, you're much stronger than you think!

To be honest, everyone's crazy these days. We say it so often as if it's supposed to be the norm, but I'm not so sure it's always been to this extent and universal. The fact that you can admit to being a little crazy means you're in fact normal! That's not to say you don't have things that can't be improved on time. I just mean. . take it a little easier on yourself. You seem to have a good heart, and are young. We both are. What I've learned is . . we've got a LOT of time to figure things out. It's okay.

I know some aspiring artists who seriously stay in their apartment for a solid month with no contact except going to work. Some people just experience too much, and/or are so incredibly sensitive. It's just how they are. I used to spend most of my time alone because I was so . . backed up in thought, and highly sensitive. It's cool if you need to decompress at times. Balance is all you need to establish. Now that my nerves have calmed, I can handle social interactions for several hours without any real stresses, but this took a long time to work up to.

Just allow yourself to grow.

Hey man, I kind of went through you are talking about, maybe not quite as bad, but still bad.

Anyways, what it all comes down to, is you are letting what other people think of you get to you. This is what I figured out was wrong with me. Then I confronted the issue.

Who gives two flying fingers what anyone thinks of you or me? I know I'm good person, a good friend, and I have a lot to offer people. If they don't see this then I know I don't even want to hang around that person anyways.

But it all boils down to is you are letting other people's thoughts control you.

I began meditating after I became aware of the problem. You've become aware of it, which is the first step. Now, during the day, take note of when you notice yourself thinking about what the other person is going to think about, know what I mean? So take notes through out the day, stay aware, and during meditation, meditate upon it. Ask, why do I care what they think? Why am I letting their thoughts get to me? Other people's thoughts have no power over you unless you give it power.

So every night, I meditate for 15 minutes and just analyze maybe a situation that happened that day. Just look at it from every different angle in your mind. Keep looking at it until you realize it has no power over you.

Slowly and surely you will begin to taste freedom. Freedom from other people's thoughts and it is a very great thing.

P.S. I was a very shy person, I didn't like meeting people, I often analyzed everything I said when in a social situation, trying not to sound stupid and what not. Now, I am out going, I like meeting people, I like conversing with others because I am no longer afraid of what they might think of me. Sometimes I say something stupid, and I don't care. I laugh, you must be able to laugh at yourself.

For example, you have this hot girl in your class, you have always wanted to talk to her, but you don't. You make an excuse for one reason or another because honestly, your scared. Maybe you don't admit it, but you're scared. What must you do? Talk to that girl! Strike up a conversation! What are you so afraid of? Maybe she'll think your weird? Maybe you say something stupid? If she thinks your weird, so what! Maybe you say something stupid, so what? Then you are right back to where you started. But, think of the possibilities if you are successful!!

You must free yourself from that fear of another person's thoughts. You must not be afraid of failure.

Thanks OP for raising this very important point. I think that we should stop over analyzing ourselves and our responses in social situations. The reason is that over analysis or excessive contemplation could interfere with our subconscious processing and thereby hinder our natural and best response.

reply to post by Simply J


Kudos for sharing!

A personal question for you, do you smoke Mary Jane, or use other drugs?

MJ can make you feel socially awkward, or reclusive.

I must say, I didn't expect this turn out. You all have my thanks for showing a genuine concern to your fellow human being. =]. To the one guy with the you tube links, ty for the help but I'm not falling into a depression, that I am very certain. I have a bunch of brothers that would keep me way to occupied for that. Lol.

Also, I use to be friends with Mary Jane but have currently moved away from that. I was on it for a bit, but something changed. When I took it, I would become extremely paranoid and if anything, it heightened the problems that I outlined in my opening post. Once again, everybody thank you so much for your help and concern.

- To Doped and Emission.

You guys have some very insightful words. It's true, my life is revolving around the thoughts of others and I need to find a way to change that. My mind and body is just so caught into it, that even when I try and tell myself not to care, I still don't trigger the responses i'd like. Thanks for the helpful words. I have a lot of work to do still.

[edit on 26-6-2010 by Simply J]