posted on Jun, 13 2004 @ 08:51 AM
Hello to everyone, this is my first post ever on ats and so I would really like you all to forgive me if I fail to fulfill any written and/or
unwritten law here on the forums. That said, on to my existential questions full of lame bs.
Now, what I have been going through n the past days is an abnormal sensation regarding my life to have some sort of "expiration date" and real close
limitation. Not that this is uncommon or that it is "abnormal", but when it actually comes to me to think about my life ending within a week from
today, well, I kind of get anxious and tend to be quite nervous. And even though I realize it is absolutely STUPID and relatively primitive, I cannot
handle any of it. This whole story about the meteors/asteroids/comets/whatever-they-are things about coming down on us seriously scared the # out of
me, and not because the world as we know it is about to end (btw, it'd just be human society as we know it that would end, and NOT the world), not
because of my own life is about to end, but because, putting it rather simply and in a primitive form, I am too young to die. I have my objectives in
life, and I want to accomplish them all before I die. I want to be able to look back into my actions and my life and be able to consider myself a
complete person. While this is rather obvious, I have considered, with this story, for the first time in my whole life, that I could actually die in
five minutes. That makes the 17 years of my life basically useless, since I have completed about 0.1% of what I want to do. The question that came to
my mind was [kinda quoting Fight Club here eh]
If I were to die NOW, what would I have wanted to do to be able to consider myself a complete person??
And that, seriously scared the # out of me. I personally am not afraid of death, but I seriously am afraid of not being able to live, which apparently
could sound the same, but is actually basically opposite. The one reason, for which I actually considered the possibility (and still do) of this whole
AB stuff being actually "true" is that it would be damn stupid not to face the actual facts. What I mean here, is that the approach that 99% of the
people who read all that stuff was "Heck, it's all a big mass of bs, he's a wacko and really needs to get some social life.", which could actually
be fine, if it weren't for the fact that it often is cowardry that leads to that kind of reaction. (Heck, I hope I spelled all of that correctly)
While this whole ats community is full of open minded pople and good thinkers, I seriously would like you all to consider that being open minded can
(and the AB thing is proof of what I'm saying), in some cases, be a double ended sword, by making you think about what really IS plausible and/or
possible, but also making you take bs in a manner that is way too serious. At least this is kinda happening to me right now. I can't really sleep
well, and whenever I meet with my pals I tend to take all discussions to existential questions, and that really has stopped me enjoying my life and
friendships. Just to think about it, I was offered yesterday to go spend a week on a small island near wehere I live (sicily, italy) on the 20th. # I
guess I won't cos I am quite positive that I'll want to spend that day with my "rather-split-up" family.
P.S. - Please forgive any grammar errors, spelling mistakes etc, because English is not my native language.
[edit on 13/6/2004 by k33l]
[edit on 13/6/2004 by k33l]