posted on Jun, 12 2010 @ 03:43 PM
29/F/California/Single/at times professional in small increments
Education: constantly truant from grade school. Bachelors Business, cheap state U, hated it, never went to class, but was on Dean's list, didn't
dorm so I had no fun and loathed all the b@stards who did.
Family: none, never met mom, met dad twice, was raised and abused by single alcoholic impoverished relative although as I said I have no family.
Hobbies: Nothing, hated reading, no sports, few friends, mainly sucked up anything Hollywood & TV as that was far easier than drowning in my own daily
suffering. My hobby was fantasizing about how my peers had fun happy lives.
Trauma: Very serious childhood physical/emotional abuse & torture, poverty, homelessness, sadness, constant childhood attempts at suicide.
Effects: I fully fantasize about very bad things and it makes me feel better inside, like the worst things you can think of. Not beastiality or
cannibalism, thats just gross. But just the same physical violence I was exposed to like wanting to sock someone in the mouth. Unmentionables, mean
things. Especially crushing whole worlds, planets, galaxies *BOOM* I'm sorry. It's just the effects of allllllll of this hell onto one person. I was
so beautiful and innocent even while being systematically tortured, but that blind innocent adolescent joy does not last forever.
Sex/Relationships: Loved sex 16-23yo, until around then I discovered the truth about the scum world and began to physically feel the pain of other
humans on the planet. Sex could do nothing to sooth that. Began seeing sex as what it was, not sacred whatsoever, not protected from disease, not
unifying, and just part of reproduction of the planet using an engineered body. Went from 3 times a day to once a year. Oh ya, they call that chronic
depression. Great. Ya being in love a few times was great, but nobody does anything for me anymore been many years. That whole thing is just over for
now. It just dawned on me recently that men murder and rape at the same time, HELLO VERRRY TWISTED. Yet Kendra gets to have a beautiful sex life, good
Sleep : Holy F I haven't had a good nite sleep my whole life. I've been falling asleep at 2am and having to wake up at 7am for my entire life. Then
I'm tired the whole day clumsy can't think and I only feel SECURE SAFE AND AWAKE WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN. Sun has always grossed me out made me
sluggish sad disoriented
DREAMS: My dreams have effectively destroyed my life. Too scary.
*From 4yo dreams every night every single night TERRIFYING about break-in's and being shot, being shot like every night and feeling the bullet in the
dream, being chased, being beaten, being killed, being tortured, being raped, being bitten. These are my first dreams. And still reoccurring.
*Then a little bit older, TERRORIZING TERRIFYING dreams of falling, climbing up ladders and falling, falling of mountains, swimming in the middle of
the ocean, cars falling off mountains, cars falling into water. Being in buildings that fall. Just very bizarre scenes and landscape. Mud, swamps,
water. And still reoccurring.
*A little bit older around 9 is when hell really sets in and to this day I have the most terrifying dreams of UFO's. Never seen an alien but
reoccurring dreams of going to my window to see MASSIVE UFO FORMATIONS. Hundreds of UFO's in the sky, they have finally invaded, and they are doing
star and figure formations in the sky and spelling out messages. Although I can't remember the messages. Then the UFO's are shining a HUGE light
through my window and I hide in my house because I know if the light shines on me I will be dead or captured or something. So I hide from the light.
This happens constantly from 9yo.
*Now I have a mixture of all of these dreams constantly. EXCEPT NOW I ALSO HAVE APOCALYPTIC dreams of meteors, AND GALACTIC MILE-HIGH WAVES OF WATER
coming straight towards me and crashing into me. Very few fun and beautiful dreams.
[edit on 12-6-2010 by MyProblemWithEvil]