The nice Guy can finish First Thanks ATS

Am I a nice guy ? yes I am But after reading the why do woman dump nice guys thread I began to realize what I have always known.

So let me begin with just a smig of back round. I was raised up through foster homes and went through ten different homes from the age of 11 months till the age of 11.
Was put back with my real father and step mother at that age but the family life was just as bad as the foster homes were.

So I grew up not wanting cars and trucks for xmass but wanting a family it became a obsession to have some one i could love who would love me back .
This may seam like a good obsession but trust me when i say no obsession is good.
anyway after 28 years i got marred got that family I wanted so badly .
Now rember this was all that matter to me my WHOLE life it was truly an obsession.

Well things happened and at 41 the family came apart despite my best effort to save it .The problem is In all my years I never prepared my self for failer nor learned how to be any thing but the overly nice guy who comes across as needed.
I come across as needed because I am needed I need to feel loved I need to feel wanted I need to feel theres something more then just my self .
This extrudes from every pour of my body any one who talks with me more then 30 seconds could see it .

so You woman who see the needed were right. Now that I can see this problem but still want to be a nice guy I ask my self is there a way to be a nice guy without being a needed guy and the answer is yes there is for all nice guys .
First thing we need to do is stop acting needed or in my case being needed lol.
There are a million woman out there guys shes not your last hope STOP acting like she is.

Does this mean you have to act like you dont want a woman?NO notice the word WANT not NEED theres a difference every one wants a woman or men but most DON'T NEED a woman or man and even when they do wont face that heck it took me 3 years lol.

So do you have to be a jerk? NO you can be nice .Holding the door for a woman isn't going to make her think your needed ITS in the way you sit its in the way you look at her .

So be nice nice is good BUT BE STRONG as well LOOK her in the eyes NOT in the I need way but in THE I KNOW who I am and what I want way.

Confidence is the key men .I have seen guys that dont look half as good as i do get the babes wile i scratched my head wondering what I was doing wrong .
Quite panntering TO the woman that just makes you look even more needed .
so have the date sit up straight look her in the face (not more then a mint at a time)
enough to show confidence but not aggression .
let her talk if she will .if she wont keep the chat SIMPLE talk about inconsequential things. Belive me if you start talking about really personal stuff right of that looks way needed.

after the 5 th date you can start to show deeper instrest in the woman by that time shes starting to think humm hes a GET this (NICE man).
You see mr nice guy thous jerks they get woman fast no dought but they CANT keep them . Wile we CANT get them as easy but if we do THEY STAY with us .
but to get to point B we need to do point A first We are always trying to skip right to point B .

I got bad news for you nice guys when girls are 16 they fall fast not when there 40 then it takes time . We are expecting them to react like the first date is the fifth date.
well if shes a slut theres no date involved but if shes looking for a LTR then that takes a second date which you or me will never get being overly open on the first she has to be left wondering will he call me. If your left wondering that forget it you (I) just came across as needed once more lol

But its not the end of the world try again after theres a million more where she came from. PS btw guys she thinks all this as well theres a million more were he came from and doesn't spare you a second thought.
So quite obsessing about the ones you didnt get quite acting like shes the last woman on earth .
because is she was and you were the last man the human race would be extinct lol
so heres your MY way to be a nice guy but still get the girl .

PS I know many NICE guys who get (i should say keep have ) girls because mr nice guy you only have to get it right ONCE woman do want a nice guy just not a needed guy .
And yes once your accutly a couple You can bring her flowers lol
This is from a Nice guy who did it once with very good success but after 15 years needed to relearn it lol.
So now I am off to relearn this which is part of the reason i wrote this post to get a grip on what I need to change .



[edit on 14-6-2010 by Gazrok]

O and guys think about that Jerk woman always take about why does he always get the woman ? First she just meet him she doesn't know hes a jerk .
And gess what the jerk he just wants a woman hes not worried if she likes him.
so they have the first date he just does the small talk thing looks in her eyes from time to time shows his strengths he oozes it from all his pours.
Is it any wonder she calls him FIRST because he wont call her she already senses this . thing is a month later hes still just as alof as he was on the first date he hasn't gotton any closer then he was .

Now she starts to get frustrated and wants him closer but rember guys hes a jerk he dont want to be closer he just wants a living in sex toy.
she says your are never here for me .
His answer is ((I am here now????????? and yes he puts a what are you talking about on the end
so shes off but the jerk attitude matches the first dates meeting almost exactly hes a mystery leaves her wanting more and she calls him .

the perfect first date attitude.
The difference is he just dont give a dam if she wont he knows the next one will .

[edit on 14-6-2010 by Gazrok]

Brilliant. couldnt agree more. i used to be a nice guy then i was a jerk. now im a mix of the two. Balance is the key. hehe women do love the confidence dont they. confidence is good arrogance is bad. all in all well said. follow those methods and you should be right.