My best friends girlfriend

Ooh I can't even believe I'm going here. Well, I guess the story isn't unusual, her and him had been together a few months when I met them, and as soon as I became good friends with them me and her clicked. We all spend a lot of time together so there was no real awkward stage and in the beginning it was clear that me and her didn't fancy each other as more than friends so he had no reason to be jealous. It became routine that we would all hang out extremely often so it also became that in the absense of one of the pair the other one and i might still be hanging out. Of course I grew to love each of them, but as often happens, I developed an oddly intimate relationship with yet another girl I have no chance with, and, as it often is often the case it went unspoken of by anyone and largely ignored. Of course that kind of distance with intimacy usually ends in some sort of romance but this wasn't an option. So instead me and her became very... something. I can't describe it but by example. If we were at a party it would be likely that me and her had settled on eachother for conversation and would be in a corner somewhere talking, including others such as her boyfriend or other friends who would soon leave to mingle but me and her. would be together for the majority of the party. Now I'm up a creek. Me and her flirt a LOT but it's fairly subtle. I've been dreaming of her a lot, not in sexual ways but in romantic ways. I know she's been as conscious of all of it as me and I get a heavy 'if not for him' vibe, not that she wants to leave him but rather I'm on the backburner. They've also been at eachother's throats for awhile which only makes it worse. I'm not going to do anything with her or anything like that but grrr it's frustrating. I also have a history of accidentally stealing girlfriends and falling for taken girls. The road to hell.... I don't know what I'm asking of y'all, just looking for advice or an older more experienced voice.... any help?

Exactly how good of a friend is he to you?

Are you willing to lose that friendship over a girl?

I've been there and done it. I lost a friend that I'd known since we were very young.

I messed up and was wrong.

I miss my friend.

lol you admite to being a girl friend stealer . then ask advice?
Well i have no advice but I can tell you what will happen when you steal this girl.
and what happen whit every girl you have stolen as well.
first your buddy will be pissed you may louse that person but even still will never completely trust you again.
Now you have what it was you couldn't.Read that again slowly you want her because shes off limits the excitement of crossing the line gives you goose bumps dont it? just like riding a rollercoster .
Things is the ride has an end once you have her the ride has stopped and that excitement is going .Then bordum sets in and you go looking for that next ride to get the goose bumps back .
so she brakes up with you or you brake up with her now your out a girl and a friend .so whos girl is next?
The excitement causes much infidelity in relationships which leads to divorce and half hers all the time for a momentary high .
The only question is do you ahve what it takes to get off this FUN ride?

Know that what she is doing to her boyfriend, is the same thing she will do to you.

The_Zomar

reply to post by djon01


Some questions though...

Does she seem happy with him? If so, then you'd kind of be acting selfish to make a move (and you'll likely end up losing both as friends) If not, then may want to try and find out why.

Personally, I married my best friend's gal, but it was years after his death, so I can't really be held there, now can I? (he tragically died young)

We too, always had that kind of connection, even while they were married, but neither of us acted on it then.

Heck, there are at least two of my wife's friends who would go there...(and although my wife may entertain the idea of another gal joining once in a blue moon, I certainly wouldn't jeopardize the friendships I have with their husbands and take that step)....

It's a personal decision of course, but you have to really examine all of the variables here...

It's a tough one. I have been part of a large circle of friends, one of them fell for anothers girlfriend, his best mate at the time. It was all pretty messy, with people taking sides and making threats, needless to say our circle of friends has been halved, but the couple who got together are now happy engaged with a baby boy. Everything has worked out for the best in my opinion.

good luck

It's simple really. You don't "go after" someone else's girlfriend and most especially, if that someone else is a friend that you say you care about. If in the natural course of events/life they break up and move on - then you have your chance. Until then, back off. Unless of course, you don't care about the friendship and think that for some reason, you are different, and once the "new" wears off, she won't dump you for the next exciting flirt.... Oh and one more thing.... of all these "girlfriends" that you say you've stolen, where are they now? My opinion, from what you've wrote only, you have some growing up to do. Get to it.

Sounds like you might be on a path to getting punched in the teeth. I don't think its worth it man, theres plenty of other gals out there. Good friends are hard to come by though.

Originally posted by The_Zomar
Know that what she is doing to her boyfriend, is the same thing she will do to you.

The_Zomar

That's exactly what will happen cause most girls are picky and reason why i say girls is because women know what they want and girls don't have a friggin clue as to what the heck they want in life and that's a bother you know ..

[edit on 24-6-2010 by PS3Geek]

dont do it man. i know what your going through but its an ugly cycle that has no end, as someone already posted you need to get off the ride and growing up helps. a women that cheats on her man will cheat on you just as easy. anyway just a bit of advice. " the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing and expecting a different outcome"

The way I see it, if you're actually considering doing this, your friend is obviously a girlyman since you don't fear reprisal, secondly the girl is a skank for entertaining your offer, and third, you're a douche for obvious reasons.

I'm going to make a prediction. A month from now, you and your "friend" won't be "friends" anymore, neither of you will have the girl and she'll be dating your brother

ahh damnnn that suckss hun... uhmmmmm think about it wiselyyyyyyy

You have that "Jessie's Girl" thing going on. Not good.

bros before hoes.

dont be a parasite.

Hunt your own meat.

reply to post by Lysergic


I like it...and it's pretty excellent advice.

"hunt your own meat"

reply to post by djon01


I have a big circle of friends and have a lot of experience in this matter..the truth is...sometimes when two people meet and have no interest in each other...they act like themselves..and sometimes end up feeling like there in love..and if they guy gives his friend's gf a lot of respect it adds on to it....iv seen this happen a lot...it never works out in the end....its the boundaries that get u closer...my advice to u would be to stop thinking about it...and if u have a history of stealing ur friends gf then u have to change around them..dont interact with them too much..dont open up to them..basically dont be friends with them..keep ur boundaries...there are plenty of fish in the sea...dont stoop down and take ur friend's left overs...ull wake up one day find urself with a crazy girl with no friends...i know its easier said than done...focuse on finding ur own gf...and if u find one give her a chance..and if u still feel for ur friend's girl..dump the one u have and look for another one..chances are the girl u have is not right for u...ohh one more thing...when u start dating..try not to bring ur new girl around ur friend's gf..u dont want to rub it in her face..just stay away for a while..and u mentioned there having problems..hope its not cause she feels like shel have u if she breaks up with ur friends..and if they break up...dont even think of goin there..if she says something..tell her u cant..tell her u can be friends....be friends for at least a year without hooking up..and if in a year ur still friends..then its fair game..ohh and ull need ur friends permition..do it right..dont take shortcuts..thats my advice..hope it helps..good luck