posted on Jun, 12 2010 @ 03:15 AM
I have said this: If I feel worse on the medication than I do off of it, then what the hell is the difference?
I was dx'ed at age 15 after what is considered low to no-risk activity. I got the "acute infection signs," but 5 months before that, my doctor was
doing routine blood work while I was taking a medication. He asked me "if there was something he should know" because my WBC count was consistently
borderline or low. I got a positive result, then an interdetermined, then a negative...then the doctor said "let's wait until 6 months from now so
we can get 'reliable results'." When those results came back, it was positive all over again, and they said the numbers were typical of someone who
had been hiv+ for at least a year or more. But, my first ever sexual encounter was only 6 months earlier. But, my regular doctor was asking me 12
months before, basically, Can you tell us why your WBC is so low?
So, it's a real mystery to me. And, I've had an extremely hard time accepting the entire unfolding of it. The only time I have ever had signs that
resemble infection were immediately after that low to no-risk encounter and before I received the "reliable results."
I think the stress of being "in limbo" and wondering WT Fudge is going on, was what actually made me sick.
Doctors like to say "Take this it will make you feel better" but that is bull poop. Nobody feels better taking a pill that reminds them of all the
unfairness of how it all started.
I have taken meds and had my t-cells slowly climb but felt no damn better. In fact, I felt worse being reminded of how much I didn't believe it made
Read Bruce Lipton's "Biology of Belief" (or just his videos on YouTube, it's faster). He talks about how genes do NOT determine our fate. They
must be "activated" by an external source.
I have also thought to myself, Do people just "drop dead" from HIV if they don't know they have it? I believe it is a gradual process. You can
accidentally discover that there is 'something' wrong, and then get tested and test positive, etc.
There are way too many unanswered questions regarding this myriad of conditions. Hiv doesn't even kill anyone directly -- other conditions do. And,
some people are immune to HIV.
I think sometimes that ignoring that such a thing even exists will keep me healthy. I certainly don't think taking medication that makes me nauseous,
wrecks my stomach and organs, and kills my appetite is helping. Who wants to live a life hanging by a miserable thread in some poop hole of a life
like that? Let me die already if the alternative is to extend the agony.
I also wonder how some deadly virus supposedly starts in Africa then ends up exploding in the homosexual population in West USA (San Fran). Why not
explode in FL or NY? Why not some other major city in another country? F'in lies if you ask me.
Whatever though. I am not going to torture myself wondering about it, and I will not let a set of numbers on a lab report dictate how healthy I am,
PERIOD. If I'm sick, I will feel sick. If I'm not sick, I will feel fine. I feel fine off the damn expensive drugs. Peeeace!
[edit on 12-6-2010 by glitchinmymatrix]