posted on Jun, 14 2010 @ 11:01 PM
First off, I want to apologize if situations have changed from the first 13 pages of this thread, but I just couldn't read anymore without
commenting... Quite frankly I'm not convinced this thread is not a social experiment for one of your psych classes, but I'll bite anyway.
Americans are some of the most caring and compassionate people on the planet. However, Americans are not tolerant of people who abuse the system, or
are seen as being ungrateful, or not happy with the charities they receive. It is kinda like that whole, "don't bite the hand that feeds you"
cliche. OP, you may think of me as judgmental, and quite frankly, I don't care--but along with my opinion, I will offer advice as well, if you bear
You, at least by my interpretations, colored your friends as being ungrateful for what they have been given. As a world traveler, I think it is safe
to assume that your friends, even in their current situation, have more than most in this world. For that alone, they should be thankful. The fact
that it is given to them should make them even more thankful that they live in a country that would not allow them to suffer the fate they would
elsewhere. That is something that the devout gentleman friend of yours should be acutely aware.
I understand and can appreciate the man's religious beliefs. If I am not mistaken, doesn't the government pay greater benefits when a couple is
married? Not to mention, the tax benefits. If so, they should marry--in the cheapest, fastest, civil ceremony the government will recognize, just to
get the extra benefit. If the concern is that God will not recognize the union, they do not have to consummate until they have made the arrangements
for the ceremony of their choice. Aside from being legally recognized as married, nothing in their living arrangement needs to change to make this
I know it is not what your friend wants, but I think she should give up the child. I know that sounds cold and heartless toward your friend...but,
tough. The welfare of the child is more important than her "wants". There is no shame in not being able to afford to care for a child. The shame
comes from robbing this child of its future by forcing it to live in poverty--assuming that no one does anything to change the situation that seems to
have gone on too long. It is best that this be done before the child is so old that it will have the painful memory of this. The situation your
friend is in will take many years to recover from, if she can ever recover--not fair to the child. If your friend is keeping the child for the
childcare benefit, that isn't right. Not being judgmental, just being realistic, and painfully honest.
If your friend is up to the point of having to extend unemployment benefits, she has been unemployed too long. The longer you are unemployed, the
harder it is to find someone to hire you. It leads one to think you have no ambition. I know that may sound judgmental to you because you seem
hyper-sensitive to honest and frank opinion, but hear me out...
I was laid off last year, not from one job , but two. When I received the notice of my first lay-off, I applied for unemployment within the hour.
Then, my new full time job became job hunting. I hunted for a job for a minimum of 14 hours a day, only leaving my computer to go to the bathroom or
get food--no other breaks. Within a month, I found a job. I filled out applications and sent in resumes for every position from janitor to VP of
manufacturing--I'm an engineer by trade. I'm not too good to be a janitor if it puts food in my kids' mouths, and I'm not to good to work 70
hours per week, if I need to.
That job lasted 6 months, and I was laid off again. So, I repeated everything I did in the previous paragraph. I'm sure I whined and complained,
but I never acted as though the world owed me anything. Within 5 weeks, I found another job that paid considerably more than the one I had just lost.
The draw back is that this job required relocation. I didn't want to move, but I had no choice but to take this job and relocate 1400 miles from my
children (they live with my ex), but I am providing for them--despite of my selfish desire to live near them. Sometimes you have to sacrifice. Even
in this economy, there are jobs to be found. They may not be under your nose, but they are there--and sometimes you have to go to them.
What I am trying to say is that your friend could/should make some decisions that she may not want to do--painful and hard decisions. The world
isn't full of purple unicorns and magic fairies to care for you. Sometimes, you can't have everything you want, and you have to make decisions
based on the greater good, regardless of how painful they might be. I know...I cry daily that I miss my children so much. But instead of damning the
fact that I had to leave them, I am thankful I am providing for them--because that is what they deserve. I only deserve the life I can make for
Instead of whining about how unfair the government is for not "giving" you (using the word "you" as a general term--not meaning you but your
friend) something you feel entitled to--a 3 bedroom apartment. You should be thankful that the family is not busted up and living separated in
barracks-style accommodations under forced labor conditions to pay for your keep, like was done in the past. Be thankful to not be part of the true
third world where the sick and infirm are left to die, and women and children are left to fend for themselves.