How to be what you are

So I was looking over this thread:
www.abovetopsecret.com...

And making this one suddenly seemed like a good idea.

What is it that makes your gender what it is?

Men should give their definition of manliness and women should give their definition of womanhood. What traits define these and what traits do you feel hinder them?

For me manliness is defined primarily by these traits:
Strength (of mind as well as body)
Resolve
Honor
Honesty
Kindness
Humor
A man, I think, should be strong enough to know what is right and to do it without faltering. A man should have that resolve to stand up in the face of great opposition to do what is right. A man shouldn't be a brute, he should have a strong sense of honor and kindness; something akin to justice. Any great man I've ever known has had a sense of humor unrivaled by his peers. And if a man can't keep a woman laughing, he's not going to feel very manly for very long.

reply to post by Mr Headshot


I've damn near typed my fingers bloody in that thread and so I am not gonna launch into 3 pages of response...

What I will say is you or at the very least the object of your love and attraction will determine what makes a real man. The question is will you fit it?

My wife knows what she wants a man to be because as sure as the sun came up this morning, no two women will be alike in determing what is a real man to them

just be you

-Kyo

reply to post by KyoZero


I'm not just talking about making a woman happy dude. I only meant that last part as to say that if you can't keep a woman happy you feel immasculated and most women like to be kept laughing.

I'm talking about what a man is to you. What do you have to make yourself into so that you can sleep at night.

"be yourself" doesn't work for me. "Be yourself" is bad for me because I'm a pretty horrible person on the inside, I do some bad things if I don't try to make myself into something better. I'm trying to better myself by living up to these standards I set for myself not stay the way I already am.

I think the general accepted and proper role of a man is what you said but for me, the proper balance between masculinity traits and feminine ones. It's all about balance or more so, the proper balance. Women will be more feminine and men more masculine but it does not mean we can't balance the two properly, which we should.

For example, I am a guy, I fight, I drink, I have lots of witty humor and a strong sense of protection for friends and family. But I also write poetry, clean the house and take on more seemingly feminine roles to achieve balance even though the masculine is more apparent with my physique and character overall.

A women that can fix something mechanical or takes on the balance of masculinity properly is very appealing and is good to have IMO.

Balance, my friend, balance.

reply to post by Crossfate


I can certainly agree with you there my friend. In fact, one of the most manly men I've ever heard of was a great poet.

Egil Skallagrimson

reply to post by Mr Headshot


What should a man be?

The exact opposite of this...



What should a woman be?

The exact opposite of this...





Obviously im looking at extremes here and offering a joke but the truths in there somewhere.

Im inclined towards Mr Headshots view. Some people kid themselves however and be what they think a certain person should be, thats lying.

Guess you could sum it up with...

Tell the truth to yourself and others.



[edit on 9-6-2010 by XXXN3O]

Originally posted by Mr Headshot
"Be yourself" is bad for me because I'm a pretty horrible person on the inside, I do some bad things if I don't try to make myself into something better.

That really struck me, it's fairly brutally honest but I know exactly what you mean.

I think that an awful lot of people feel that way, including me. The thing is, it's a nightmare spiral because as soon as you try to be "something else", you'll feel inadequate because the present you is less than it should be.

You can only try to be "more of a man" if you convince yourself that the man you are is less than adequate. Since being inadequate is not a "manly trait", by trying to be "more of a man", you become less of a man.

This trap is really hard to escape.

The thing is, the only way you can make the statement above is if there is a Mr Headshot inside your skull that sees the bad crap and rejects it. There has to be a Mr Headshot that doesn't own that stuff. Maybe that's you and the nasty stuff is the toxic waste that's created by trying to be something else. I think that's the way it is with me anyway, it's hard to know.

The fear bit in my sig might have some part to play as well, I think fear has a lot to do with it.

[edit on 9/6/10 by pieman]

i never gave a thought about what a real man or a real woman is
i am a female human.

as op said humor or the ability to laugh about oneself is very important - important to survive on this crazy planet

honesty and kindness are also virtues of a proper human being.
and a certain passion - a passion for life and for something which really makes you move!
compassion and tolerance

intelligence - the ability to use the head for thinking not only as a place for the hair


and actually the so called differences are much smaller than most people think.

so please lets get away from stereotypical role models.
we are what we are because we chose to be this way

reply to post by pieman


I think the bad juju inside of me really comes from being lazy. Once I quit trying to examine myself and my life (around age 17) I started to be a worse person. Examining my life helps quell this. It's like if I stop being introspective my soul stagnates.

A man?
I'll tell you what I think a man is, you'll be disappointed though

a man is a biped mammal that is composed mainly of carbon.

besides that, they are probably the greatest threat to this planet since meteorites and super-volcanoes.

reply to post by LususNaturae


You're a throwing a knee jerk reaction out which is denying reality. Of course man is a creature made of carbon but we also have thoughts and feelings.

Quit being emo about the Earth because it's completely irrelevant to the topic. If you want to live at one with nature, feel free. I would rather not have my bones broken by a boulder being thrown at me for the scraps of food I fought and subsequently killed for.