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Apollo and Dionysus are in constant conflict in me.

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posted on Jun, 7 2010 @ 05:35 PM
I am Dionysian by nature but have had to balance what I want to do with what I have to do. I have at times been completely Dionysian but never completely Apollonian. I find it to be a constant struggle to force myself to do what needs to be done when I would rather read a book or play a computer game or spend time doing things with my children.

It was my Dionysian side that lead me to join the Military, just to get out of the “small town” I had grown up in; Prior to the military I lived a “bohemian” lifestyle, in that I did pretty much what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, with whoever was willing. In the 70’s, sex, drugs and rock and roll were the norm and I wanted to experience it all, and did. But something inside me was telling me there is more out there than what I was experiencing and since travel is expensive, the Marine Corps sounded like the place to go to have it paid for;
Apollo was calling.
I jumped in with both feet, without thinking or agonizing about it too much. It was at that point that I was introduced to an Apollonian organization and... It was a shock. I did adjust to the regimented military life style and found outlets for my Dionysian side while in the military, so much so that I stayed for 8 years and really enjoyed myself, but I also did a lot of things I would not recommend to my children.

Structure is necessary to create balance, so everyone, at some point, has to come to terms with their Apollonian and Dionysian sides. I have come to realize that most people have aspects of both in their personalities, and fluctuate between the two from time to time, like a pendulum swinging back and forth, but with people, unlike a true pendulum, when it comes to rest it is usually not in the center, but some where within the spectrum on either side of center.

I have found that I was most in balance when I was in the military or in a committed relationship; I knew what I had to do and did it, for the most part. I have to concentrate on the Apollonian side of my personality because the Dionysian side will take over and rule if I let it, and that leads to failure in my goals, especially in a college setting.

Balance is necessary in all things, as it is stated in most religious philosophies, all things in moderation. Finding that balance can be a lifetime struggle but most people, if they live long enough and work at it hard enough, manage to create some type of balance between the two. It does not come naturally for me, but I am a work in progress, and I feel that I will get there eventually.


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