Is LIFE really important... or just a by-product of the universe?

Well looks like I'm back here at ATS, which is in-part responsible for the 2 best and worst weeks of my life...and now I'm stuck smack dab in the middle of it again.

Let me explain a little bit better if you can bare to read about my life for a few minutes(trust me it's weird/interesting and 100% honest) ...a few months ago I was on, I guess you could say I was on a "metaphysical information" binge, where I did nothing but eat breathe and sleep theoretical mumbo jumbo about 8 hours a day for a couple of months straight, and then lie down and do my best to come to a reasonable conclusion on how every great philosopher and scientist came about their beliefs and their own personal reason for living...From Einstein to Ghandi from the Bible to multiple Eastern belief systems, I tried to find a common ground between each theory...I guess you could say a common set of principles to live by. It was literally a four month period where I ghosted through my social life while crunching all the possibilities of my mind. It got to a point to where every theory that I read felt like I was in a massive case of deja vu, where every single article I read all related to one thing.

And now that I look back on it I would honestly say it was all worthless... I was trying to find myself and now I'm more lost than anything. EXCEPT for the fact that the search proved to me how fast someone can go from point A (motivated and excited) to point B(depressed and anxious) in merely the blink of an eye.

Now somewhere between reading about Qi-gong and putting myself through lengthy meditative sessions my self-awareness hit the top of the roller coaster. Like let me give you a few examples:

-Every thought I had was crystal clear and made complete sense and when I was walking to my classes in college it seemed like everyone was admiring me, like I had a certain mystique about me...I could catch almost any girl taking quick glances to and away from me.

-An old girlfriend who HATES my guts because of something I did to her, mysteriously called me one night when the night before I wished my heart out that I would do anything to have another chance with her. And she comes and tells me that she didn't call me, but I had called her...so I checked my phone but it still said I had a missed call from her. She rambles in a text about how she answered and how I told her I wanted her back and I was super drunk (which I was drunk the time I got the call...which makes it even more mysterious). Nonetheless I never figured it out.

-I talked to my Dad one night (which is rare because we both ignore each other 99% of the time) and he tells me he was always great at writing songs and wanted to be a musician when growing up. He tells me this....literally a week after I started composing my own music and right before I started setting up an in-home studio.
-A few days later my Mom tells me she was always a great writer and wanted to write a book...this comes a few months or so after I decided I started planning my own book to write in the near future.

-I had some dream where I somewhere in it imagined that a dead and famous musician texted me telling me how "Remember how your ass always thought music was stupid" (stupid dream I know), but I remember in the dream I recieved the text at exactly 11:11. And when I woke up the next morning I had a missed call from an unknown number at 11:11 am. And then I later found out that the area code from the phone number is the same area in which the musician died. I tried to call it back, but no such number was in service.

-I was hanging out with a few friends one night and everyone got tired and started to pass out. Well me and a few guys were up, and my friend (lets call him Tom) started to fall asleep as well. Tom was in a very lucid state, I could tell by the way he just sort of drifted off and wasn't breathing as slow as someone who asleep would be. Now during this time I had an incredible temptation to bounce my legs up and down (I was sitting in a chair) and while bouncing them up and down, I noticed that Tom in his lucid state, started to shuffle his with the beat of my legs (sounds weird I know, but it's very hard to explain). I was roughly five feet from where Tom was laying down, and everytime I stopped bouncing my legs, his legs would stop and start again accordingly. It kind of freaked me out, so I started to get up to leave, and he suddenly woke up.
-Earlier that night when me and Toms feet got close to each other, it kind of felt like there was a slight electrical repulsion in my foot (you know how when you try to force to oppositely charged magnets together) And again I'm not making any of this up...you could say it's just me imagining things...but I've been looking out of these two eyes for my entire life and trust anything I see.
-Every so often when my leg gets close to a certain person, I will feel a sudden need to "twitch" my leg for some reason (like when something startles you, you just kind of jolt backward without thinking)...but instead of my leg jolting away, the other persons leg will twitch.

I'm sure that's all a subconscious connection, but the fact that I can either control others people actions or predict them (I'm not sure which)...started to freak me out about. Enough to the point where I started to worry that I was going crazy, or my life was all one big dream. I just fell hard into not only depression, but a nagging anxiety that I had never before felt or even knew existed.

And things just progressively got worse until I often just pondered suicide...a subject that never really crossed my mind. I started feeling myself losing it a little bit...that nothing I did made any sense or mattered. I got extremely paranoid and locked myself up in my room for weeks, sleeping as much as I could to try to get through the days. I just felt like I could control EVERYTHING in my life, and that everyone else was just a pawn, and that life was kind of all pointless. I had convinced myself that death isn't much different from life, and that there was no point of me staying on Earth.

And one day I just noticed how my breathing had become more quickened, and my entire body tense...and I just told myself to CALM DOWN...and just like that...a sudden wave of relief fell over me and I was no longer afraid of things or felt like my head was about to explode. All tension was just lifted...suddenly the similarities in the words "Anxiety" and "Anxious" made sense.

Life is a 3d interactive movie.

Geeze, I'm just pouring myself out on this post, I appreciate anyone who has made it this far.

Anyways...I always thought depressed and suicidal people just needed to stop being so selfish and weak-minded...but I was not ready for what I went through for that month. I never want to go back there, and thank "God" that I'm as content as I am now every night before I go to bed.

But the depression wasn't all for not...I started keeping a journal and have up-to-date wrote over 200 pages worth of book ideas, philosophies, inspirational quotes, music lyrics, and the progression of my daily mental state down.

And here I am now on May 24,2010...I've had the longest 4 months of my life...I'm 18 years old and I feel like a tired old man now. I've been through heaven, hell, earth, and back again...and right now I kind of feel like my old self (before I ever found ATS or started my search for purpose) only with a slight bit of depression and no motivation to speak of.

And at this point...I just feel like a single electron. A negative person, who does nothing to help anyone around him or get connect with people like he used to.
A single electron who directly effects every cell (person) around him. And that the atom (the human species) just continues to get worse and is starting to become turn it's cell(our Earth) into a cancer...and the collection of all these cells (planets) fuel the body (the universe)...and if we don't do something soon our entire race will be whipped out by nature(the anti-bodies of the universe).

That's really the only way I can see myself...so insignificant, but at the same time structurally important. And I don't really see where life fits into all this. I feel like my mind has hit a block, and there is a good reason that we aren't meant to find the true answer...

Imagine if you told a hard-working cell that his efforts are individually futile? He would be like screw this, and go sit on the couch, watch Osmosis Jones and eat a yummy bag of cerebullum chips.

But at what point is the universe important...surely the universe has more meaning to it than just space, because if it wasn't for life their would be no universe...

And at this point, I want to change the world and do everything I can, but my motivation is so lacking. I've always been the type of guy, that if I don't see a point in something, then I do very little to contribute to it's cause. Like playing a game of cards with no money...I would just go all in on the first hand, but if money was involved I would do everything it takes to win...Often when something is on the line I'm flawless in everything I do for some reason, but those moments of importance are few and far between, especially now.

Sorry for acting like a psychotherapy patient...but I know people at ATS will listen, and at this point I think you guy might understand where I'm coming from more than anyone else because no one in their right mind would believe the stories I just told you...but you guys no better that anybody that life is just a dream within the boundries of physics and that If you can imagine it, then it's damn well possible to live it!

Thanks guys

Edit: I sort of got off track there from the main topic...but basically I'm just asking do you think life is one big coincidental mess, that consciousness wasn't the main intention of the universe, and is no more important than a chunk of atoms...or that life is the most important thing in the universe?



[edit on 24-5-2010 by Nostradumbass]

reply to post by Nostradumbass


Your ok man dont worry. we do understand you, thats why this website is here with us participating on it. some may act like they dont understand, but they are just fooling themselves.

dont worry! we are right there with you! we me not be depressed, but a lot of us probably have been and understand what it is like.


motivation may be just a material possession. try and get used to just being relaxed. that may be your first step towards evolution!

[edit on 24-5-2010 by onequestion]

Hi Nostradumbass,

If you take an objective view of everything that has happened to you, you can come up with the simplest common denominator - that everything is connected.

This simplest of conclusions actually has great implications and if you grasp that proposition with both hands it can lead to a really new experience of life - a very positive experience.

Now, I'm not saying that life suddenly becomes perfect and it certainly won't always make sense, but, you can have something, faith I suppose, that assures you that everything is as it should be. You're on the journey and the end isn't in sight, but you know you'll get to where you're going even if you don't know where that is right now.

Sounds like BS, sure, but I always like to remember these words:

So, a priori, the journey that [is] set before you is circuitous, wending back and forth that a straight line of progression should not tempt you to predict your arrival by glimpse or sight of citadel, town or as it truly is, any inconsequential settlement. Each step must be taken in faith that every journey is shortened by even a single stride with acceptance that an unfathomed distance is still of finite magnitude.

Some people need others to define that faith for them, others - and I include myself in the latter group - discern their own form of faith from their own experiences. The point is, once you have that faith you can metaphorically look down and suddenly see the path beneath your feet.

Keep your own faith, it isn't worthless - that is just part of the journey and sometimes the going is rough. It isn't about how long the road is but where it leads you and at every step, you have a choice. Embrace that journey and you have the adventure ahead of you no matter what crosses your path.

Keep going Nostra-not-so-dumbass, keep walking, keep taking those steps. The signs are all about you that you're on the right path.

[edit on 24-5-2010 by SugarCube]

Originally posted by Nostradumbass
That's really the only way I can see myself...so insignificant, but at the same time structurally important. And I don't really see where life fits into all this. I feel like my mind has hit a block, and there is a good reason that we aren't meant to find the true answer...

Duality of Human experience, that we are both insignificant nothings AND in symbiotic relationship with the magnificence of the Universe.

The block is our limitation to understanding Unity. We are evolving toward it and I think we're approaching the Age where it won't blow our minds. But for now, the individual's path to Enlightenment still involves going into the unknown, whether searching out or seeking within.

Thank you for sharing. It takes courage to open up. But sometimes, what we experience when drunk is because we are drunk!

Originally posted by Nostradumbass
-An old girlfriend who HATES my guts because of something I did to her, mysteriously called me one night when the night before I wished my heart out that I would do anything to have another chance with her. And she comes and tells me that she didn't call me, but I had called her...so I checked my phone but it still said I had a missed call from her. She rambles in a text about how she answered and how I told her I wanted her back and I was super drunk (which I was drunk the time I got the call...which makes it even more mysterious). Nonetheless I never figured it out.

Hey man, hope you're keeping well. I think I might be able to answer this one for you, from the perspective of someone that's indulged with ouch-O-hol from time to time.

Perhaps you did ring her first and were too drunk to remember. She gets this call, maybe is concerned (for any number of reasons) and calls you back, but you're too drunk or might've popped out and missed the call?

Hope you're well man.

reply to post by Nostradumbass


You exhibit symptoms of mania and bipolar disorder. I suggest you see a psychiatrist dude. Good luck.

The Earth is rotting, and Life is it's Waste

This is a quote from a book I read recently - can't remember who to attribute it to. It's basically and expression of the argument that life is the most efficient way for the system that is the Earth to adhere to the 2nd law of thermodynamics...

reply to post by Nostradumbass


I liked your thread. It was very honest and elucidative of your situation.

That said, this is why I feel somewhat comfortable saying the following: You are describing, almost textbook in fact, the start of a bipolar break. You even use the metaphor of a roller-coaster. You are 18, which is the time in one's life when bipolar most often manifests.

You need to seek competent and caring mental health care immediately. Even if this is the angst of growth, the chance that you may have bipolar warrants aforementioned. Find a psychologist that understands your need for spiritual growth and not someone who just hands out band-aids to get you back in the rat race (ask around, hopefully being in a college town will make this possible).

The sooner you seek help the better. Just like w/ chest pains, time is really of the essence. Even if this is just turns out to be a really bad case of heart burn, shouldn't you check it out w/ a professional? These things are better caught early.

Best,
SN

P.S. Your using of depression to positive ends, as you describe, is a great thing. I wish all patients could take the tract that you describe, as I feel that is actually the evolutionary purpose of depression, in a way.

P.P.S. While substances can be a fun and enlightening hobby, they can also serve the purpose of self-medicating and masking of underlying mental trauma.

P.P.P.S. You demonstrate an inherent understanding of the human psyche and condition, once you straighten out your own shiznit, you could make a good therapist, if you so choose....

[edit on 5/24/2010 by skunknuts]

[edit on 5/24/2010 by skunknuts]

Well, To answer your question. "Is LIFE really Important.....or just a by-product of the universe" First we have to take into consideration what is the universe? It is our home, were everything is located. But what is the inner nature of the universe? We are a by-product of the universe but that does not make us any less important. I think life is important, we do not know a lot about the universe, for we know we could be the universe experiencing itself in different fractal forms. We don’t really know.

You seem to be going through a rough time, you should go to a doctor and try to work some of your mental/emotional problems out

Best of Luck

Hey man. Don't worry about it. I'm fairly certain that your situation isn't unique, so take comfort in that. I'm kinda similar. I start to read about, well, you know, that 'metaphysics' stuff. It boggles me. I feel stupid, useless. I used to consider myself intelligent, but then I realized, that intelligence isn't anything to be proud about. I try to meditate... but my situation, sometimes, just can't afford such luxuries such as 'quieting my mind'. And I'm not even a busy person! I could tell you guys but I'm pretty sure its against the ToS.

So, I've made up my mind about a few things. I'm going to set a little bit of time, just to myself. Socializing is fine and everything, but, I can tell from your posts that you are not a hermit or a social recluse - this is good, but set some time for yourself. A day, or two. Ignore calls from friends ... and, well this is what I do...

Take your bike, or car, or just walk. Just go. As long as you can go, just go. You'll be surprised at what's out there. Find a nice spot in a secluded spot somewhere you think is appropriate. Sit down. Breathe. Think about the futility of everything. But, instead of wallowing in misery about the futility of it, enjoy that you exist despite the futility of everything. Then forget about it. Sit, breathe. If you have snacks with you, eat them. Listen to what's going on around you. Relax.

If you don't feel better after that, well, I just don't know! That always makes me feel like a new person.

reply to post by Nostradumbass


When you reach a point where you can no longer help yourself, all you can do is help others. The true fact is that our time, not our lives in particular but humanity's existence on this planet, is just a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. Not only do we only live once, but there is nothing in the universe like us. Close, I'm sure, but we are the only Homosapiens. That must be worth something. And all we have is each other.

M

Originally posted by skunknuts
reply to post by Nostradumbass

 

I liked your thread. It was very honest and elucidative of your situation.

That said, this is why I feel somewhat comfortable saying the following: You are describing, almost textbook in fact, the start of a bipolar break. You even use the metaphor of a roller-coaster. You are 18, which is the time in one's life when bipolar most often manifests.

You need to seek competent and caring mental health care immediately. Even if this is the angst of growth, the chance that you may have bipolar warrants aforementioned. Find a psychologist that understands your need for spiritual growth and not someone who just hands out band-aids to get you back in the rat race (ask around, hopefully being in a college town will make this possible).

The sooner you seek help the better. Just like w/ chest pains, time is really of the essence. Even if this is just turns out to be a really bad case of heart burn, shouldn't you check it out w/ a professional? These things are better caught early.

Best,
SN

P.S. Your using of depression to positive ends, as you describe, is a great thing. I wish all patients could take the tract that you describe, as I feel that is actually the evolutionary purpose of depression, in a way.

P.P.S. While substances can be a fun and enlightening hobby, they can also serve the purpose of self-medicating and masking of underlying mental trauma.

P.P.P.S. You demonstrate an inherent understanding of the human psyche and condition, once you straighten out your own shiznit, you could make a good therapist, if you so choose....

[edit on 5/24/2010 by skunknuts]

[edit on 5/24/2010 by skunknuts]

Thanks for your reply, but I know my condition better than anyone. And in fact, I've always sort of thought myself to be a bit bi-polar maybe even schizo...my mood swings, creativity, never being seen as normal but able to get along with anybody...no doubt I believe I have a little in me. I think I got it from my dad who is very prone to quick anger fits when something small doesn't go his way and then turns sympathetic a few minutes later.

But here is the delima, it's nothing that I can't control, and up until that point where it overpowers me there is no point...it's like taking the easy road out. People will look at me different, give my abnormalities a free pass, and steadily start to distance themselves from me...which you can't really blame them. People hear the word "bi-polar" or "mental illness" and their first thought is "This person is fried or just straight f'd up, but a nice guy...Whats the harm in being a little sympathetic?" And I'm a guy who hates being pitied.

And the guy that asked about the phone call, She said she never called me, and I had no outgoing calls to her. That and the fact that the times between calls were four minutes apart and she called first.

But I am definitely leveling out now, my life is pretty normal...I feel a bit depersonalized and unmotivated most of the time, but my mind is a lot more vacant than it used to be. I don't constantly think like I used to, I was at a point where a day felt like a week because my mind was racing so fast...but times going by a lot faster now thankfully.

You see all kinds of people with mania and mental illness who just simply lose touch with reality. Which I think it was because, even for a minute, they felt what it was like to be on top. They hit a point where everything they did made sense and their life was perfect. And suddenly when greed and worry take over their actual thought process...all you have is man who had a great gift, but now all he has is an empty box full of unfulfilled dreams.

I'm willing to bet that nearly every great musician or famous artist hit a point where they let their illness take them over, because a "normal person" cannot simply take a paint brush and paint a masterpiece. It takes someone who sees the world from a different perspective and too much or too little human appreciation often sends them over the edge.

Van Gogh is often said to be bi-polar, and although he thought he was work was worthy of praise...he was often ignored. He kills himself.

How many great musicians just simply lose it after their fame starts to die down or they can't handle the spotlight? Michael Jackson, Elvis, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix...all died of either self inflicted wounds or drug overdoses.

Any normal person would eat fame up, and simply be annoyed by press coverage...but wouldn't take any of it seriously. That is why actors are often a lot more stable (excluding Tom Cruise).

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. It just doesn't take a genius to see that being crazy on the inside is one thing, it's all about how you compose yourself in front of others.

It seems to me that there is no good argument for saying that a world with life on it is of greater intrinsic worth than a similar world without life on it. Nevertheless, I think many people have a strong intuition that life itself is valuable. This is reflected in Leibniz when he discusses how each monad (people are one type of monad under his theory) reflects the whole of the world, exponentially amplifying the value of the world by reflecting it. I don't know if that really makes much sense, but I feel its pull. Each experiencer in a world has its own inner world in some sense, its own sum total experience of things.

So, like I said, there may be no good argument for life being valuable in-and-of-itself, but it just seems to be so. Some things are just basic, maybe this is one of them.

Is life important?


It is a necessity imposed on them by God, as the means of attaining perfection. For some of them it is an expiation; for others, a mission. In order to attain perfection, it is necessary for them to undergo all the vicissitudes of corporeal existence. It is the experience acquired by expiation that constitutes its usefulness. Incarnation has also another aim, namely, that of fitting the spirit to perform his share in the work of creation; for which purpose he is made to assume a corporeal apparatus in harmony with the material state of each world into which he is sent, and by means of which he is enabled to accomplish the special work, in connection with that world which has been appointed to him by the divine ordering. He is thus made to contribute his quota towards the general weal, while achieving his own advancement.

The action of corporeal beings is necessary to the carrying on of the work of the universe; but God in His wisdom has willed that this action should furnish them with the means of progress and of advancement towards Himself. And thus, through an admirable law of His providence, all things are linked together, and solidarity is established between all the realms of nature.

[edit on 24-5-2010 by Shadow Herder]

It is a good/interesting question to pry us loose from our conventional rut group think.
A point of departure for philosophical discussion.

Importance, at least as far as we can determine seems to be an evaluation that thinking life seems to assess.

Important to what or whom? Us? The Universe? Some invisible spirit in this Universe or others?

what [if any] is the basis, foundation of assignations of 'importance'?

I will venture that it may be related to egotism, the notion of self prominence.
It could be that to exist in any continuous form requires some form of identity of self. Maybe that is the definition of existence, the identification of the 'self', perhaps extendable to seeming inert objects/matter.

Why would being a natural byproduct of the universe make life any more or less important? That implies that we think artificial creation as a sign of 'specialness' or something than the shapeless mundane.
'Synthesis' is 'superior' to 'accident'? [that has to be a value judgment ]

It certainly seems to me we have valuations of 'importance' & 'unimportance'. Since we have creative thought processes & presumably at least some level of free will, i think we can create &/or assess 'importance' for ourselves.

Clearly we have some general sense of self importance. That has to be a favored trait of evolution's filter. But i would add it could be a sense of the importance of humanity or offspring in general, or specific to individuals which might or might not include ourselves in our own assignment of 'importance'.

I suppose the notion of in some way pivotal would be core to importance.
You might have alternate, potential replacement pivots, but anything significantly pivotal would probably be seen as important.
The [any?] link, without which the chain will break.

It is interesting just how self centric a lot of egotism is.

Brains think brains are the very height of enlightened advancement.

Do your quadriceps think the brain is supreme? perhaps it is uncertain, but it goes along, because it has no useful or advantageous counterpoint.

People think people are the height, the very pinnacle of evolution.
But if you think about it as such, & provided we even survive, then very likely someday our long future [maybe not-so-long future with genetic engineering] ancestors may look back on us with some pity or contempt, as those 'things' we evolved from.

We could only possibly be the pinnacle for this moment if there is a continuity of [what we call] 'advancement'. And if we are the pinnacle for a given span of time, then decline could be the only relational reason for it.
To be the top means everything else is [relatively] down the hill.

Logically there is life elsewhere in the Universe.
Almost certainly including intelligent life.
And in a similar self-congratulating manner we will admire one another for our shared supremacy & glory of intelligent beings.
Sort of like all the [barf] awards shows. Music categories, TV, Movies etc., built around self-admiration & congratulations. Intellectually we must see self glorification as a mechanism with potential for 'good' or 'ill' the judgment of which itself is a subjective evaluation.

In a way the notion that life, intelligent life is elsewhere sort of alleviates any notion of absolute burden & perhaps adds a bit of competition. To me it ratchets back a lot of the absolute necessity of us, humanity, & leaves some breathing room, but that is just my attitude on it.

I suppose what really denotes 'importance' in the slippery realm of many dimensions & chaos & ambiguity, is probably focus.
Focus is closely related to coherence. Sort of 'all of a piece' or 'all of a structure' or 'all of a functional/operational system'.

What is the ethos of an 'operational system'? Or moreover a self-constructing, self-altering operational system?
Aesthetics? Beauty? Displayed or veiled? Playful?

Storage of variant potential(s), in anticipation of some unknown future?

'Synthesis of purpose' has an interesting ring to it.
The creative font of purposefulness? In many shades, textures & forms.
The dazzling display of which is perhaps seductive, entrancing.

Postulating: Since perhaps nothing has importance, we, with the powers & command of mind shall create 'importance',

why? because we think it is possibly important to do so.

I wonder what the [e]valuation of importance is on the open, current, speculative market? Or more succinctly, "how important is importance?"

[edit on 25-5-2010 by slank]

reply to post by FrostyPhilosopher


A further point I just thought of.

You make this issue out to be a dilemma, "Is life either intrinsically valuable or an unintended side effect of the universe?" The funny thing is, many theists have used this exact dilemma to argue that God must exist! One prominent one that comes to mind is William Lane Craig. He goes on and on during his presentations about how if there is no God, we are just byproducts of a mindless, hostile universe with no significance, doomed to die individually and collectively in a relatively short amount of time. From that, he argues that there is no morality without God.

I say, your dilemma (and William Lane Craig's) is a false one. You provide two options, and act as if they are exclusive and exhaustive, but they are not the only options available. There is a third option at least, we BOTH accidental byproducts AND valuable. So what if we are mere byproducts of a mindless universe? If you met a truly sentient, intelligent being who was accidentally created in some lab accident, would it be ok to torture them just because they weren't created by two humans bumping uglies? NO! That person would be just as deserving of proper moral treatment as anyone else.

It is not how we were created but what we are which makes us valuable.

[edit on 28-5-2010 by FrostyPhilosopher]

Life is a dream, my friend. Once you die, you feel like you've waken up from that dream.
And yes, you create your own experience, scary to think, isn't it? But the more you get used to it, the more you will apprecciate it, and you will embrace the fact that life is meaningless. You can only be THIS you one lifetime, so make the best of it. By discovering everyone else and everything else, you are discovering yourself.
Ultimately we cant say what is important and what is not, cause when we say something is important, we compare it to something else. In the highest truth there is only one, so there is nothing to compare anything to. That's why infinity creates branches such as yourself to experience things like polarity.
Just keep doing what excites you the most. That is the only importance in your life- to be you.
Have fun.

reply to post by Nostradumbass


Is LIFE really important... or just a by-product of the universe? Who knows.... it seems really important to the living though. And it sounds like you have to much time on your hands dude might want to join a gym or a karate class or something. Something to make you not think for a while and just be in the moment.