reply to post by catwhoknows
Originally posted by catwhoknows From the time I was born, I did not like humans, or their food, or anything about them.
I can understand the deeper meaning behind this and I can empathise with it too but you should assume you are human otherwise you risk not only much
ridicule but you risk your mental health too.
One of my earliest memories consisted of being ostracised by my peer group for no reasons whatsoever at the age of about four in nursery in the German
town of Dusseldorf. This was a common theme throughout my childhood and for reasons I could never understand. What I did know that as a four year old
that no other child wanted to play with me and when it came to the big trucks in the yard I was always pushed aside (physically and literally) and
forced to play with the dumb little green truck.
My mother said as a young child that I used to talk to imaginary friends and even as a baby I had caused the hair on the back of her neck to stand up
when she rushed into my bedroom to find me screaming blue murder at a wall, stiff as a board and a white as a sheet. She told me I freaked her out so
much that she had stepped into my line of sight and I had just stared right through her as she felt a presence behind her she did not like at all.
My mother is intensely religious and prone to exaggeration and I love her of course but we do not see eye to eye and we do not physically meet often
even though we live in the same town today.
I do remember her telling me about this screaming many years ago and at the time she was hesitant and not enjoying the retelling. This was one of many
such things that happened to me but if I tell you all I remember I will be here all day lol. One day in Dusseldorf as my mother made lunch I was
playing with “Onco” our overly protective pure breed Doberman when lightning struck the wall just beyond the rear door and shattered the bricks
there. I was so close I remember feeling the heat and sound of it and I know it happened because the memory is detailed and clear.
I was four or five years of age and my mother to this day says it was the devil – OK whatever.
By the time I became a teenager I was already out of love with humans but not so much that I could enjoy watching a fight outside school like everyone
else or watching someone take a hard time from the popular group because they looked sideways at them. I tread carefully through school as I was aware
that youth is unpredictable and dangerously fickle in their friendships and loyalties.
As an adult I have become person that is very happy to be alone, take to the hills alone and just walk. I am in my element when there are no people in
sight and if it is just me and my dog I seem to come alive but in opposite I become wary and watchful in a crowd. Life as far as I see it and in
context to human relationships seems to consist of a complicated spider web of interactions with each other that come with so many pitfalls and traps
it is not even funny. I can tell you that if I have too many interactions with people I become a little gloomy not because I hate people (I do not)
but because I can see a better way for people to live among each other.
It will never happen because people are like animals that have been trained by their upbringing and are blown around by the influences of their past
and present peer groups thus they live their lives without accepting and in many cases without even knowing that they are afflicted by levels of
psychological damage. We all have this damage within our heads and some are luckier than others in that their damage is less than the person in the
next street or the car beside them but when someone tells me they have no damage I ask them if they have a phobia, have a memory that causes pain,
know a person or area they try to avoid and so on.
Originally posted by catwhoknows I have always loved the world itself, plants, animals, beautiful countries, but never humans. I was
told by a few people that I am from somewhere else - an Indigo - but what do people know? Not much.
I have always loved the world of nature and this started really young but I got into trouble once for digging a huge hole in someone's garden and
when grabbed by an enraged German lady I told her that I was digging home. By the time I was five I had the full encyclopaedia Britannica and I had
been visited by psychologists and “!others” who were very surprised to find that as a five year old I could name and categorise every dinosaur
picture they showed to me. They said I was gifted and my mother and father were very proud.
However nature is a fickle mistress too and she can turn on you with the same savagery as the worst of humans but as long as you are aware of this
then you can accept this and move on knowing that the world can take your life or shock you into terror at the drop of a hat.
I say this because at the age of nine I saw many people die in front of me in the military jungle base at Port Kaituma as a massive tree fell (my
uncle was the camp commandant). There had been accounts that lightning had struck the tree and caused it to fall but the sky was blue and clear and I
cannot say I saw lightning because as the tree cracked and roared to life I spun to find it yawning down over me and my attention became very focused
on where it would fall. I was far close to it and so could not judge its transit to the ground very easily.
One thing you should believe is that you are a human person because you bleed, your DNA is human but it could be possible that the energy that powers
your body could be something else entirely but that is a massive could be.
This picture below done many years ago as a way to try and exorcise the horrible memory is an abstract done as a teenager that tells the story of a
horrible day when all those soldiers died while they celebrated the water festival of “Pagwa”. Nature can be and is just as vicious as a the most
damaged of people in the world.