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Northern border states consider Arizona-style border laws, target Canadians
In the wake of Arizona's tough but controversial new immigration law, Canadian nationals in the United States are steeling themselves for equal treatment as the northern border states consider similar measures.
"I'm a little bit nervous, eh," said Gordon Tremblay, an unemployed actor from Edmonton currently living illegally in St. Paul. "I'm not a drug dealer or anything. I just want to be the next William Shatner."
But Tremblay may find his path to stardom will be more difficult if some members of Minnesota's legislature have their way. Currently under committee review is a measure similar to Arizona's that would require police to investigate those suspected of being undocumented Canadians. "Now I have to worry aboot a constable pulling me to the side every 10 kilometers, or being accosted at a gasbar," said Tremblay. "And with just a few loonies in my pocket, I'll never afford a solicitor if I get caught."
When pressed about how police will be trained to enforce the pending bill should it become law, McElroy provided a proposed insert to the state police training manual, which includes a list of unique Canadian characteristics (there aren't many, McElroy says) and how to spot or expose undocumented Canadians clandestinely operating in the country. Excerpts include:
"Ask them to apologize to you. If the suspect claims he is 'so-ree' he is likely Canadian (though possibly just lobotomized), and you may require documentation."
"If the suspect has a mullet but no Kentucky accent, you may require documentation."
"The preferred Canadian ensemble includes plaid flannel, tight-fitting knit caps, pegged stonewashed jeans, and LA Gear high tops. Same with the men . .
"See if the suspect agrees with you that Alex Trebek is a brilliant and talented Canadian. First, no one but a Canadian cares or knows that Trebek is Canadian; and second, no one but a Canadian would find Trebek anything but insufferable . . ."
"Ask the suspect to repeat the famous Gary Coleman line from the 80s TV show, 'Different Strokes.' If the suspect says 'Whatchoo talkin' 'BOOT, Willis," you may require documentation."
"If the suspect is carrying an open container of maple syrup in his vehicle, you may require documentation."
"If you are at a grocery store and witness someone buy more Kraft Mac and Cheese then any single family could possibly consume, especially if in tandem with an equally untenable amount of ketchup, you may require documentation."
"If the suspect is Asian, he is most certainly from Toronto and you may require documentation."
"Ask the suspect which is better, SCTV or Saturday Night Live. If the suspect does not respond that 'it depends on which era of SNL you're talking about,' you may require documentation."
"If the suspect can name any NHL player besides Wayne Gretzky, or cares in the least about any hockey game except for the Miracle on Ice, you may require documentation."
"If, after you have proceeded through each step in this section of the manual, the suspect has not revealed himself to be Canadian but nonetheless answers your questions politely, without agitation or annoyance, and with effusive deference to your authority, or if he apologizes to YOU at the end (even without pronouncing his apology "so-ree"), then he is most assuredly Canadian and you may require documentation."
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Originally posted by ponyboyats
reply to post by FortAnthem
did you put it on bts or did it get moved? man this is a good thread, its hilirious, but unfortunately, all the good stuff usually gets lost in a deny boredom jungle of bts... how sad..