posted on May, 11 2010 @ 09:55 AM
As a self-described “suicide jockey,” I have wrestled with the concept of suicide my entire life. I don’t fear death in the least, and in fact I
One night as a teenager, I positioned the barrel of a rifle in line with my skull. As I began to apply pressure to the trigger, the clarity of the
night sky suddenly amplified by what seemed to be a factor of ten. This sight caused me to release my finger from the trigger, and gaze into sparkling
Milky Way with wonderment.
How could the sky be so radiant all of a sudden?
Although there was no one around, I suddenly heard a voice. It said my name and told me “Don’t kill yourself. You’re going to die someday
anyway. Go through life from this point forward and live out your dreams!”
I put the rifle down.
About a week later, a synchronicity occurred. I crossed paths with a friend. We started talking and he told me about his plans to leave the
“valley” and move to the beach where he had been raised as a kid. He was a surfer. He asked me if I would like to go too, we could get jobs, find
a place to rent, he’d introduce me to his friends, and I could get into surfing.
I didn’t even hesitate, let’s do it I said.
A couple weeks later I found myself waking up in a small one room apartment, right next to the beach. It was a living dream, a whole new world, with
the sweet smell of salt air and the magnificent sound of powerful waves pounding the earth. The seemingly overnight initiation into to that magical
world of surfing, and the dawning of a new passion for life, was to this day my miracle, granted by what I believe to be a guardian angel.
Thank you, angel.
P.S. I am a veteran. The reason I originally enlisted in the USCG was pursue my death wish. I still struggle with the issue of suicide. What has kept
me alive are thoughts of how my suicide would affect those who are close to me. In the end I refuse to do it, because it will ultimately hurt
For those who have chosen suicide and for their loved ones, my prayers go out to you. For those who are considering it, please think twice, and try to
find a "dream" worth living for.
[edit on 11-5-2010 by seasoul]