posted on May, 11 2010 @ 06:55 PM
I've only had SP twice in my life, so I'm no expert, but I do know, as well as I can, about the mind.
I can only speak from experience, so take the following, as you will.
The first time it happened, I became aware that I was lying on my back and that I was awake. I knew I was awake because I was hearing something. (I
don't remember if it was just "room sound" or some "weird noise," but I do know that I became aware that I was awake BECAUSE of the sound.)
I then became aware I couldn't move, open my eyes, etc. Yet I could feel that I was lying on my back. I was aware of the temperature, etc. This
awareness of the paralysis, of course, is the bringer of the terror. I think it is this terror that leads to "everything else" that any SP sufferer
experiences. (There is nobody pressing on your chest, or in the room, etc.) There is only certain pathways in your brain that remain "switched off"
while other paths are "switched on."
Still, scary experience. Especially the first time.
I began to vocalize. I say vocalize because I couldn't move, including my throat. But, for some reason, I could create one pitch out of my voicebox,
and hear myselff doing it. I remember thinking, "what a weird sound." Then I noticed my heart was beating fast. I figured this was the fear and I
started to freak out.
The product of this freaking out was an attempt to flail about wildly, which, of course was met with utter failure, except, oddly enough, for my butt
muscles. (Haha, I know, I know.) But seriously, I found, for whatever reason, that I could move my butt first. So I started flexing the right cheek,
then the left, back and forth and I ultimately shook myself awake.
I woke up sweaty, heart racing, scared. I caught my breath, rolled onto my side and went back to sleep.
The second time, again on my back. This time when it came on, I realized it was happening again, but this time I noticed that I really could hear
something and whatever it was scared the hell out of me. (Again, I don't remember what it was I heard, maybe breathing, movement... But I do remember
thinking, "Someone is here with me!"
Then I just did the "butt cheek rock awake" and was alone in my room.
It's interesting how we trick ourselves, consciously and un-con...
Thanks for making me think about this.