Normally, the topic of "Depersonanization/derealization
" is not something I like to talk about. Lately however, I find myself wondering just
how many people may have this disorder and not even know it? Here is a basic description of the disorder:
Usually, depersonalization is also associated with derealization disorder. Here is a wiki link of it's description.
Now, let me just give a brief description of this disorder that was present in my life for a couple years. This thing quite literally disabled my
In 1999 at the age of 21 I was already going through a divorce. My ex had decided to move on w/o me in her life with someone else and for whatever
reason, this devistated me in a way that I've never been devistated before. As the months rolled by, I did experience severe depression which is to
be expected espescially for a young man that age. (I suppose?) Quickly, I found myself on anti-depressants and did not take well to any of them. I
decided not to take any of them long-term, despite advice from the doctors.
I believe this disorder is brought on by mental trauma or a mental break-down (?) of sorts, and it's VERY hard to break free from it. I also believe
it's possible anti-depressants can cause this as all of the MANY anti-depressants I was on completely destroyed my personality. When I tried these
drugs, I literally found myself without any emotion or personality. This is BAD for someone who tends to be particularly emotionally expressive.
Now, something very strange and out-right freaky happened to me at this time in my life. I started feeling like I was asleep, and not functioning on
my own behalf. One thing I just can't let go of, is how every waking moment of my life felt as tho someone else was controlling my arms and hands. I
did not feel in control, even tho I *knew* I was still in exsistance, but not really! I felt the physical enviornment around me had slowed down,
almost frame by frame 50% slower than what a "healthy" person experiences. When people spoke, it was like they were talking in a tunnel. Now, this
is FINE if it's temporary..but this disorder is *not* just temporary. This was a 24x7 sensation. This is VERY close to being "high" and for the
record, I don't smoke weed for this very reason. I HATE the thought of that feeling.
So, before you say this would be "cool" because it almost totally mimics being "high".. Let me tell you...it's not cool having this feeling 24
hours a day 7 days a week for 2 years!!! I literally could not leave my house because this constant sensation was sooooo uncomfortable. The literal
*fear* of dealing with this, shut me out from the world. I eventually lost my very respectable job with a very large computer corperation because I
was constantly late and in a state of mind that just did not allow me to function like a "normal" person. It took that company a year of this,
before they laid me off quite generously actually. I did VERY well at my work, and earned much respect in the company..but after sooo long, they had
to let me go.
I could go on about my personal experience with this disorder, but I'd like to move on real quickly about a concern I have. I never knew a *thing*
about this disorder before it happend to me. I think this may be happening to others WAY more then we know. We've all heard the term "sheeple".
Well.. I can tell you first hand, I was a "sheeple" in every literal sense of the word for 2 years of my life. It caused me to be on the virge of
homelessness, it completely ruined my whole social "network" I had in life, it ruined 2 years of quality time with my son, and I lost a LOT of $$$
and years of hard work getting there because of THIS.
To limit the long read you've already had to endure, I just have to ask the questions:
How many people have this?? Is it possible to induce this type of thing to the masses? Could we imagine a world where we are all *literally* asleep?
Is this already happening?? Many people may not actually *know* they have it because it truly is like being in a "trance". Some may rather be in
this state, I did not enjoy it, however.
Just something to ponder!
Thanks to Semperfortis for moving this to the right forum!
[edit on 1-5-2010 by Wookiep]