It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

Why Dont We Feel Anything When Loved One Dies

page: 1
2
<<   2 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 12:33 AM
link   
Hey everyone I am going through some difficult times right now. My mom just recently passed and while this was going on I was In another state. The thing that bothers me the most is she died as I slept. I did not wake up in the middle of the night with a strange feeling. I just slept and did not know that she passed until 2pm the next morning , because nobody could get a hold of me because my cell was off. Why do we not feel anything, I figured this being my mom the one person I am basically connected to I would have felt her leave. What is up with this. Is this life really that meaningless . It scares me to think. I believe that there is something after this. I believe in God, but what is the point of this. Not feeling my mom pass away has boiled these feelings up inside me.




posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 12:50 AM
link   
Don't worry man. Death isn't real, anything finite is an illusion of time and life. Some people will think negatively, but don't worry. The cool thing is when they die, they end up within the infinite so it is like they were never actually really alive anyway. You will realize this when you evolve, or die or whatever you are conscious of.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 12:54 AM
link   
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't tell you why you didn't feel your mother's death, but I hope you don't think you need to dwell on that very much. I do hope that you can grieve for her in peace without anger and anxiety. Please take care of yourself. Best wishes.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 12:54 AM
link   
If you didnt feel a chunk of you get torn out thats good. Dont look for more pain then it already is.


Youll grieve, shes not there physically, but it depends on the person how they deal with the death of thier parents and loved ones. Me personally I dont talk much to my mother but weve always been vary close we do our own things in life etc. It depends on who you are how you feel right now could be a bunch of stuff getting int he way too.

I really doubt if you DO start feeling terrible youll be like "OHHHHH theres the rendering pain and loss WEW im normal thank god." Lack of or amount of mourning doesent make it right or wrong.

Hope that makes sence. Take care.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 12:58 AM
link   
Thanks for the replies its not that I didnt feel anything when I found out its just the fact that I always thought that somehow I would feel if something was wrong or if she left me . Its just a scary feeling



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:03 AM
link   
Personally, I would consider it a blessing. You may have not understood what the feelings meant if you had felt something at the time of your mother's death. It may have been more than you could have handled at the time. Please don't worry yourself with it.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:04 AM
link   
reply to post by Mrknighttime32
 



Sorry...

I recently went thru my Granny and Father passing,

my granny went first, I was her only care giver for 6 months, I had to go takecare of my
dad for a couple of hours, I knew when I left that was it... She died right as I got in the car to come back says my friend, who called me immediately.

My father was sick for three years - he died after a long battle

In both cases I have yet to cry for either, it has been over a year and sometimes I feel like a monster.

In your case it might still be sinking in, or you might just accept it...

For myself I believe the second, we all die.

this might not help, but you are not alone

take care of yourself

EDIT I reread your post and misunderstood... Because you did not sense her death is due to your human limitations, no worries.

Now imagine if you were a bastard like me, who couldn't even find the place inside to mourn.

Life is cheap and precious at the same time



[edit on 30-4-2010 by Janky Red]



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:05 AM
link   
Maybe your mother didn't want to bother you while you slept, so kept her passing on to herself. What could you have done while in another state while she died?

Do you know if your mom was at peace with thoughts of her eventual death? If she was, then it really might not have been a big deal to her. We all die eventually.

I have various health problems. My family wants me to take great care of myself so I won't die too soon for them. Well, when exactly is too soon?

I will be at peace when I die. I won't send out vibes to them intentionally. Why disturb them while they sleep, or are at work, or out for an evening of a movie and a date, etc.? They'll find out eventually, anyway.

I think the important thing is, for you, perhaps, is what are you feeling now? Do you feel sadness? Are you satisfied with the amount of sadness you feel? Do you feel joy for your mother finally being reunited in spirit with the Creator?

You believe in God. Do you believe you will eventually be reunited with your mom in spirit when you eventually die? Wouldn't that be quite a joyous reunion?

Your mom is getting a well deserved rest from this life. If you seek out her spirit, you just might be able to connect with it. It's possible, I believe it to be so.

Is this life meaningless because you slept through her passing? I don't believe that.

I am sorry you are going through a tough time and hope you will finally be able to find some peace of mind.

KYRed



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:06 AM
link   
It just sucks because since she has gone my life has fallen apart. I guess there is nothing to say about it. I wish she could come visit me



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:12 AM
link   
First, I'm sorry for your loss.

Second, who knows why we are the way we are and why we react or don't react. How should we react?

I lost my grandmother and grandfather within months of each other, both of which I was very close with. I can't recall if I felt a certain feeling or anything around the time of their passing, but my mother (it was her parents), says that she felt a disconnect with both of them at the time, although her feeling was a calming peace (they both went through a lot of health problems).

I'm not going to tell you that all is well, or pretend that I know what you are going through or what we are going to when we die. None of us know. I can say however that I feel for you in your loss and hope you can find a calmness soon.

Peace.

Edit: 2am spelling


[edit on 30-4-2010 by broahes]



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:17 AM
link   
Yes she was at peace. I was told she died couple hours after I had turned on my webcam so she could see me. They say she waited to see me first before she passed, which is another reason why I guess it hurts so much that I did not feel when she left. She had cancer and was going through alot of pain, for her to wait for me .... I just should have felt something. She prolonged her pain just to see me one more time.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:18 AM
link   
I'm so sorry for your lose, I am going thru the same thing myself right now, my father passed away on the 24th and like you I felt nothing.

He was my idol and I thought that if anyone would try to say goodbye it would be him, but alas nothing.

And now I feel like you do, that everything is falling apart.

When my mum died I just knew she was gone, it was like I couldn't feel her presence anymore, but not this time, I just don't know what to think anymore.

Chin up, we'll survive somehow


Penny



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:25 AM
link   
reply to post by Mrknighttime32
 


A lot of people DO feel something when loved ones pass...I have several very close friends and family that have had direct experiences in exactly this. Just because some people (one being you) don't feel anything when a person very close to them passes away, doesn't mean there aren't unseen aspects of reality and perhaps an after life.

But either way, I think you need to re-assess what you think the meaning of life is. You state "Is this life really that meaningless?"...I'll just quote something I said a little while back on a threat titled "Nothing matters because it's all going to end".


Originally posted by CHA0S
reply to post by shadow12
 



some of us worry about small things that seem important but when you realy think about it they dont mean much because they dont last forever nothing does.
Maybe that's what makes life so precious? The fact that life, and everything in this universe, will not stay the same or last forever? Life is truly a rare and precious and the fact that nothing lasts forever makes everything so much more important. Don't take things for granted my friend...for you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

It's true...nothing really matters in the end...but it's the meaning we give these things which is important...that's essentially the essence of life...and life is a beautiful and rare thing...the gift of experience and existence should never be taken for granted...even if it doesn't really matter...because we can give it meaning and make it matter...

----

Another question I wanted to pose: How much meaning would things have if they were all eternal and lasting forever? Don't you think such a reality would be meaningless and pointless? Isn't THAT the reality where things really mean nothing in the end?
I hope this will help you in some way, may life treat you well my friend.

[edit on 30/4/10 by CHA0S]



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:29 AM
link   
Well,I know how you feel.

I sat by my wife's side in the hospital room for about a month and was right there when she passed away and did not know until the next morning.

I didn't have any clue she had died.

The only thing was that the old man that came in to the room and recited the Lords Prayer aloud each day came in that morning and said it silently with only his lips moving.

I thought that was odd.

Such are the mysteries of life.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:34 AM
link   
Im sorry for you losing your wife. I am sure that is a worse feeling losing someone you spent your whole life with.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:37 AM
link   
reply to post by Mrknighttime32
 



I don't believe in God so i can't speak for me.

But you DO which means you think your mum is in the after life.which means that you think you will see her again.Which means she is not dead to you, just waiting for you on another plain. The same as if you wouldn't wake up at night if she went to Italy, and feel she was gone, because she isn't she is just, somewhere else and you will see her soon.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:40 AM
link   
wow i never thought of it like that for someone that doesnt believe in after life that is awesome thing to say



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:44 AM
link   
i know how you feel my dad shot himself earlier this year
all i can say is dont dwell on it, but dont push it out of your mind completely, thats what i do and its hard to not do for me, i start thinking about and when it gets really negative i just throw it out, but it always comes back
if you dwell on it too much its likely for you to flirt woth suicide, but f you dont think about it enough you become holllow inside

i personally dont believe in god so i dont really have much to say about the spiritual aspect of your situation
but if you believe in god and praying makes you feel better then you should probably do it



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 01:55 AM
link   

Originally posted by Mrknighttime32
Is this life really that meaningless.


Yes


It scares me to think.


The only thing that should scare you is the thought of squandering your life by doing things which you don't like to do..

"Imagine there's no heaven.." there's some timeless wisdom in this cliche song:



I believe that there is something after this. I believe in God


I can understand that you have these feelings, but it is just a coping mechanism. Life is beautiful. Cherish the time you have, because it's the only time you get. Don't waste it doing things which you don't like to do, or spend it around people you don't like to be around.


Sometimes when I see somebody, I remind myself that this encounter is just temporary, and that these relationships are just temporary, and that I will only ever talk to my friends and loved ones a finite amount of times -- whether it's 1 or 100 or maybe if I'm lucky 100s of thousands of times -- there is a limit to them, so I try to take as much as I can from them. I try to enjoy the time and things we have, because the only thing I know for sure is that I wont have them forever, and that's okay. I wont be here forever, either, and that's okay too. I'm not focused on death, I'm focused on enjoying life.



posted on Apr, 30 2010 @ 03:07 AM
link   

Originally posted by Mrknighttime32
Hey everyone I am going through some difficult times right now. My mom just recently passed and while this was going on I was In another state. The thing that bothers me the most is she died as I slept. I did not wake up in the middle of the night with a strange feeling. I just slept and did not know that she passed until 2pm the next morning , because nobody could get a hold of me because my cell was off. Why do we not feel anything, I figured this being my mom the one person I am basically connected to I would have felt her leave. What is up with this. Is this life really that meaningless . It scares me to think. I believe that there is something after this. I believe in God, but what is the point of this. Not feeling my mom pass away has boiled these feelings up inside me.


When I found out about my Grandmother dying last year from my sister she told me over the phone. I was quite for awhile while she told me, and then I went through the mechanical things of saying everything is alright etc. etc. etc.. My grandmother and me wasn't ever close, in fact she didn't like me because I was a step child to her son my father. Did I feel happy about her passing no, did I feel sad no. What did I feel, I felt empty thats it. I felt that something was taken out of my life and there is nothing I can do about it. You know how they say it's a combination of nurture and nature that makes you the person, an I believe it. The nature was the genetics that I was born with and the nurture was everything that acts as outside stimulus to my body. And emotionally my grandmother rightly or wrongly effected me on how I look at people and how I don't want to be like her in some ways but to be like her in some ways. When a person has been in and out of your life over the years (even friends) you start to have feelings for them. And once they are gone, its as if part of you that put time in fighting or laughing or whatever with that family member is gone.

Do any of you follow Stargate Universe (it's a good show), well on one episode (it was the classic egg before the chicken time problem) the young genius named Eli was in a cave with the team that are fighting back these lifeforms that are killing them and he has a discussion with the main scientists. To paraphrase he was talking about death and he was commenting on when he had to bury his dad. When his family was done burying him, he thought this is it a hole in the ground and then nothing. And after that character said that I said yes, he is saying exactly what I started to feel after my grandmother was gone. Being selfish and that being the first time that somebody that was close to me dying, I started to have secondary feelings of essentially is that what is left for us, to be buried in a hole and slowly get forgotten. I think about my grandmother from time to time, and the journey that she and all of us will be taking. What I figured out a long time ago is that you should embrace life and the beauty that we have been brought into this world to see. Some say there isn't a god others say there is and still others say we are part of a bigger consciousness. It doesn't matter one way or the other and you know why, you and me are going to pass away in the future anyway so there is nothing we can do to change that.

So enjoy the things in life your friends and others around you and keep in your heart your loved ones and think about them once in awhile when they have passed. Because what I believe is that all of us are connected and everyone black/white/yellow etc. feel the same feelings about things. Where different superficially, but inside we have the same fears and hopes and dreams.



new topics

top topics



 
2
<<   2 >>

log in

join