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why men would break up a good thing.

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posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 03:22 PM
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Id like to know a few things regarding men ....


When a man says its over , meaning the relationship and seems no longer interested in a woman he has claimed was his Soul mate for years then with in 18 months after the break up starting dating again . is that relationship in fact really over ?

one though think that it would take him longer to get over said woman .




posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 03:33 PM
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reply to post by alysha.angel
 


Never try to understand the male species sweetie !! :shk:

Just remember the old saying " better to have loved n lost, than never to have loved at all! "

Mmmm, bet a man wrote that as well cos love HURTS !!
Hope you find happiness in the future baby......

peace n love x



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 03:52 PM
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Originally posted by alysha.angel
Id like to know a few things regarding men ....


When a man says its over , meaning the relationship and seems no longer interested in a woman he has claimed was his Soul mate for years then with in 18 months after the break up starting dating again . is that relationship in fact really over ?

one though think that it would take him longer to get over said woman .


When a man says it's over, chances are it was over long before the words were spoken.Something changed in his feelings, and when it was finally verbalized than it was a done deal.
Sad as it is, sometimes those who you think you are perfect with in the beginning, grow distant and apart, especially if you are a young couple.
Of course, there are some men and women out there that just prefer to play around.
IMHO..beginning to date again 18 months after the break-up of a serious relationship is probably a good average. Some try sooner, others longer.
It seems to me though, that 18 months later, you are not over this relationship, and perhaps even wondering what went wrong, or can it be fixed.
If he has moved on in life, you should as well. Happiness may be just around the corner...but not if you are chained to the past.



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:01 PM
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I would think that men [or women] don't break up a "good thing" unless it isn't a good thing. The reasons are individual and might not be explainable, but trust that they are there... All that one can do is keep moving forward.



[edit on 25-4-2010 by LadySkadi]



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:05 PM
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Apologies.

[edit on 25 Apr 2010 by schrodingers dog]



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:10 PM
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Well first off I have to say that I've had a few friends (both male and female) that have most definitely ended a 'good thing', only realising it once it was too late. 'You don't know what you've got till it's gone' would sum them up perfectly.

So making sure the decision is the right one is vital. People say it's the things you don't do that you regret, but in this case I reckon it works both ways. Nobody wants to be in a relationship if they aren't enjoying it, just for the sake of being in one.

Personally, I think 18 months is plenty of time. In fact I think 18 minutes is perfectly fine, if you know it's over and have completely made up your mind then why wait? Life is too short.



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:11 PM
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Originally posted by AccessDenied

Originally posted by alysha.angel
Id like to know a few things regarding men ....


When a man says its over , meaning the relationship and seems no longer interested in a woman he has claimed was his Soul mate for years then with in 18 months after the break up starting dating again . is that relationship in fact really over ?

one though think that it would take him longer to get over said woman .


When a man says it's over, chances are it was over long before the words were spoken.Something changed in his feelings, and when it was finally verbalized than it was a done deal.
Sad as it is, sometimes those who you think you are perfect with in the beginning, grow distant and apart, especially if you are a young couple.
Of course, there are some men and women out there that just prefer to play around.
IMHO..beginning to date again 18 months after the break-up of a serious relationship is probably a good average. Some try sooner, others longer.
It seems to me though, that 18 months later, you are not over this relationship, and perhaps even wondering what went wrong, or can it be fixed.
If he has moved on in life, you should as well. Happiness may be just around the corner...but not if you are chained to the past.


try 4 years later ,,, theres a reason why im hanging on ....

well me and this ex look a lot like to the point of people asking us if we were related ..
two about a year after we met i was standing in my kitchen and ( the relationship was long distance ) and i literaly saw him there right in front of me like he was there , when at the time he was in the uk. .

3 we both had dreams about each other years prior to meeting in real life .

4 this new relationship of his is on his part a shame im sure . she controls his every move so to speak. not to forgot how fat she is .
and 5 the break up was a shock to the both of us .

or maybe im over him but fear getting rejected again .



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:34 PM
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Originally posted by AccessDenied
When a man says it's over, chances are it was over long before the words were spoken.Something changed in his feelings, and when it was finally verbalized than it was a done deal.


This is very, very true. As a vast generalization, men don't like to break up with women. There's crying, name calling and a whole bunch of emotional stuff that they just aren't that comfortable with. Some of them would even prefer if you get the hint and dump them, because it's less stressful.

If he's actually gone to the trouble of breaking it off, it's been over for a while. Sorry.



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:51 PM
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reply to post by alysha.angel
 



4 years later ,,, theres a reason why im hanging on ....

well me and this ex look a lot like to the point of people asking us if we were related ..
two about a year after we met i was standing in my kitchen and ( the relationship was long distance ) and i literaly saw him there right in front of me like he was there , when at the time he was in the uk. .

3 we both had dreams about each other years prior to meeting in real life .

4 this new relationship of his is on his part a shame im sure . she controls his every move so to speak. not to forgot how fat she is .
and 5 the break up was a shock to the both of us .

or maybe im over him but fear getting rejected again .

It sounds more like you are creating reasons to be hopeful, reasons to hang on.
No matter if she looks like you, or what the dynamics of his new relationship is-it is between him and her.
4 years IS a long time to be pining over someone. Perhaps you are afraid of being rejected again..but one thing for sure, YOU are rejecting the very idea of even trying to love again.
It's not uncommon or even a bad thing to still care about someone you loved, but realize that it becomes a crippling effect when that person moves on, and you do not.You can still care for them, even perhaps love them,but you move on. The "in love" ended with the relationship.
You are keeping yourself in a constant state of "maybe someday" and that's not going to make you happy.
You need to start taking baby steps, forward, and away from your past relationship.



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 04:59 PM
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yes when someone say its over,its like,it was over for some time now,but if he starts dating so quickly again,its because he was the one that stoped loving.
if you broke up with him,and brake his heart,he wouldnt start dating again quickly.
but what do you expect,get over him and find a new man



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 05:02 PM
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reply to post by AccessDenied
 


i tired that , and was rejected again and again . by different guys for different reasons which has finaly lead me to believe that im destined to remain single , and besides that iv also gotten to the point of avoiding men entirely . i just dont care anymore .
best to admire from afar then be shattered again . and again .

as for the ex , thats point to end sooner or later because he fears total commitment , ( we broke up less then 3 weeks after i asked him to marry me ) the week before the we where talking about having kids together . and the fact that i wanted him to move to norway to be with me. ect ...



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 05:06 PM
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Originally posted by alysha.angel
reply to post by AccessDenied
 


i tired that , and was rejected again and again . by different guys for different reasons which has finaly lead me to believe that im destined to remain single , and besides that iv also gotten to the point of avoiding men entirely . i just dont care anymore .
best to admire from afar then be shattered again . and again .

as for the ex , thats point to end sooner or later because he fears total commitment , ( we broke up less then 3 weeks after i asked him to marry me ) the week before the we where talking about having kids together . and the fact that i wanted him to move to norway to be with me. ect ...


You speak as if being single is a bad thing.Not so.
It also sounds like perhaps your other attempts at relationships might have failed because you have not dealt with the issues about this other person.
Time for a bit of soul searching hon..cleaning out of your mental closets, empty the baggage..and start fresh.
And sometimes, love finds you when you aren't even looking.



posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 05:17 PM
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We restrict ourselves in so many ways with the way in which we approach discussions on this topic. Issues in any relationship knows no boundaries. Men and women alike are susceptible to the same problems. So when we say "men this..." and "women that..." we're only fueling any possible divide. Speak to the issue with what we're actually talking about, people! We're not talking about a man or a woman, we're talking about a person.

We're all in relationships and they all look different. Yet whether it is two men, two women or a man and a woman... we all deal with the same problems.

With that said, I think for either individual in the relationship that after 18 months of "dealing", it is a healthy time to move forward.

It is a preconceived notion that women are the clingy one in the relationship and more likely to be the one hanging on after the break-up. But men can be just as clingy and be the one that are refusing to let go of a broken relationship. But whatever the sex, after 18 months.. it is time for reality to set in.

A healthy relationship, in my opinion, needs four things.

  • Sharing a common interest in general things. You don't need to love the same music or the same television shows. But it is important for the foundation of any relationship that you share a common interest in the general things for your relationship. And if you can't share that interest, at least be able to accept it within your spouse.

  • Communication! If you don't have this, move along.

  • Trust! If you don't have this, move along! (If you want the secret to this part, see the item listed above!)

    And finally, in my opinion, if you can answer yes to the following two questions.. then you're heading in the right direction.

  • Would you rather fight with your spouse rather than lie to them?
  • Is your worst day with your spouse better than most of your good days without them?

    Speaking honestly, I would rather fight and argue with my fiance than lie to her. I'll tell her the truth even knowing that the outcome is her going to be upset and deal with the consequences rather than lie and keep something from her. Some may say that this approach is only going to hurt the relationship but after six years together I have found that this has only kept us getting stronger and stronger.

    (Note: this doesn't include "Does this make me look...")

     
     


    I know much of what I've said here is a bit off-topic to the opening post. But this is a general post in response to the ones that I've read here. I just feel there are a lot of misconceptions when we see people talk about relationships and these are only going to drag us down as we move forward.

    Thoughts?

    [edit on 4-25-2010 by chissler]



  • posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 05:25 PM
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    Originally posted by AccessDenied

    Originally posted by alysha.angel
    reply to post by AccessDenied
     


    i tired that , and was rejected again and again . by different guys for different reasons which has finaly lead me to believe that im destined to remain single , and besides that iv also gotten to the point of avoiding men entirely . i just dont care anymore .
    best to admire from afar then be shattered again . and again .

    as for the ex , thats point to end sooner or later because he fears total commitment , ( we broke up less then 3 weeks after i asked him to marry me ) the week before the we where talking about having kids together . and the fact that i wanted him to move to norway to be with me. ect ...


    You speak as if being single is a bad thing.Not so.
    It also sounds like perhaps your other attempts at relationships might have failed because you have not dealt with the issues about this other person.
    Time for a bit of soul searching hon..cleaning out of your mental closets, empty the baggage..and start fresh.
    And sometimes, love finds you when you aren't even looking.



    crap, im usualy better then this way better .

    i always get downed out for a week or so after i had a dream about him , and this time its been 4 days ....

    in the dream i went downstairs to my brothers flat and my brother was on the phone ,so i asked him who he was talking to , is was my ex for over two hours , so i go give the phone to me then i say to him over the phone wht the F is he even calling and talking to my brother, he goes i need help and dont know where else to turn to as all of my friends have turned their backs on me , my girlfriend kicked me out on the street and im in serious dept with the online casinos i need to leave the country and have no money to do so .
    i then go thats your own fault for forceing me to dump you , you cant come back 4 or so years later and expect me to take pitty on you. about half way though the conversation i find my self telling me that ill take the car and come pick him up.
    after i get there , i spot him on a bridge i then go up to him and he tells me hes got a plan, and for me to wait for him on the other side of the bridge i then witness him making a major drug deal, then he ex shows up and takes him away , next thing i know im watching them have sex . dreams ends with him fighting her off and running away from her to my car .



    posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 05:32 PM
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    Originally posted by chissler
    We restrict ourselves in so many ways with the way in which we approach discussions on this topic. Issues in any relationship knows no boundaries. Men and women alike are susceptible to the same problems. So when we say "men this..." and "women that..." we're only fueling any possible divide. Speak to the issue with what we're actually talking about, people! We're not talking about a man or a woman, we're talking about a person.

    We're all in relationships and they all look different. Yet whether it is two men, two women or a man and a woman... we all deal with the same problems.

    With that said, I think for either individual in the relationship that after 18 months of "dealing", it is a healthy time to move forward.

    It is a preconceived notion that women are the clingy one in the relationship and more likely to be the one hanging on after the break-up. But men can be just as clingy and be the one that are refusing to let go of a broken relationship. But whatever the sex, after 18 months.. it is time for reality to set in.

    A healthy relationship, in my opinion, needs four things.

  • Sharing a common interest in general things. You don't need to love the same music or the same television shows. But it is important for the foundation of any relationship that you share a common interest in the general things for your relationship. And if you can't share that interest, at least be able to accept it within your spouse.

  • Communication! If you don't have this, move along.

  • Trust! If you don't have this, move along! (If you want the secret to this part, see the item listed above!)

    And finally, in my opinion, if you can answer yes to the following two questions.. then you're heading in the right direction.

  • Would you rather fight with your spouse rather than lie to them?
  • Is your worst day with your spouse better than most of your good days without them?

    Speaking honestly, I would rather fight and argue with my fiance than lie to her. I'll tell her the truth even knowing that the outcome is her going to be upset and deal with the consequences rather than lie and keep something from her. Some may say that this approach is only going to hurt the relationship but after six years together I have found that this has only kept us getting stronger and stronger.


  • Chiss, you are so correct. Notice I BOLDED your post? It took a failed marriage and a bad relationship , then finally, I met THE ONE who sees relationships the way they should be. Just like you posted.Even sometimes when I have blinders on, he can show me the bigger picture.
    Even when my past creeps up on me, he helps me toss away the anchor.
    Communication is the strongest link between us and in my opinion stronger than a titanium chain.
    As for fighting and arguing, I hate either.I really do. It's upsetting to me to fight with him in any way.But I won't lie to him. I won't break the trust we have.Once broken, it's too hard to get back.
    As for my worst days..you are so right..I couldn't make it through them without him, and the best days..icing on the cake.
    And yes, we really shouldn't be gender bias about this issue. Truth is this scenario can and does happen to men and women alike.Very good point.



    posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 05:36 PM
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    reply to post by chissler
     



    well said and your right about all of it .....

    as for my relationship , in the begining we talked about everything and anything .

    from that what i got from him in the end we both wanted from each other what the other couldnt give at that point in time .
    so i think he just settled for what he could get . but then again i could be wrong . all i know is as of now we have unresolved issues which neither of us is willing to face .
    he told me he d rather run from a fight any fight then have to face the pain . he hates confrontations . which is why we havnt spoken in 3 years
    so thats how it is . and im fine with it 90% of the time , then i dream about him and my world comes crashing down again .



    posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 06:32 PM
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    The girl I dated for 5 years started dating another guy 2 weeks after we broke up. There's often times I think I'll never be that happy again, but its ok because its just me sulking over something that I know isn't true. I'll always have love for her, but she isn't the love of my life.

    After that, I dated a girl for a little over a month, and she was absolutely devastated when I broke up with her. I didn't have any specific reasons other than that my feelings had changed.

    Don't try to understand someone's reasoning, because it will only hurt you more. We must accept that which we cannot change.



    posted on Apr, 25 2010 @ 09:41 PM
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    reply to post by alysha.angel
     


    I don't know, punkin.
    I've been on both sides of that argument and it still confounds me.
    People are people, I guess.
    Some people, you just never get over.



    posted on Apr, 26 2010 @ 04:57 AM
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    Originally posted by Matthew Dark
    reply to post by alysha.angel
     


    I don't know, punkin.
    I've been on both sides of that argument and it still confounds me.
    People are people, I guess.
    Some people, you just never get over.



    Isnt that the truth.



    posted on Apr, 26 2010 @ 05:29 AM
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    Originally posted by alysha.angel


    When a man says its over , meaning the relationship and seems no longer interested in a woman he has claimed was his Soul mate for years then with in 18 months after the break up starting dating again . is that relationship in fact really over ?




    It's over.
    Sounds like that guy is a young B.S. artist. Better off without a lying pig.
    People still use that "soulmate" nonsense to get someone in bed? Jeez.



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