Chasing tail...

Is it just me or does any other man feel uncomfortable with the expectation that the male always has to chase the women, or to be aggressive one when it comes to meeting women or initiating for relationships/sex or dating? And that men have to be like this perfect individual, be a bit of a brute. You think "it's natural" and "the way it should be". I'm not at all interested in being dominant, and competitive and making them feel like a piece of meat.

The weight is totally on the man's shoulders. All women seem to be the same.

I don't believe it when a woman tells me it's not like that. You will never let me know. I have approached women but the fact is, I'm fearful of scaring her off, or being rejected.

Why? It's set up like this... it's not equal. Women will in the vast majority of times never say anything, they wait for the man to say something... the man who can even be a criminal, or crazy in some way, etc. The women are always seen as fragile and the men as being violent. So then why do they expect me to be aggressive?
I can't even let a girl know if I think she's pretty, I don't give compliments often. I wait until I get closer to them to let them know if I want it. They know I do..they can most likely tell. But you'll never help me out because, we have to be brave enough to be aggressive about it. With such stigma that guys are this, or that, that women are fragile beings and we are violent and dogs, why do you expect us to do it all when I'm trying to be respectful and not come across that way?

It seems this very thing is going to make me alone my entire life, because women never help me out. Do you expect me to read your faces? What will happen then if you say "uhm.. I dont give me number out" or "I have a bf". Well wouldn't I feel stupid then.

[edit on 23-4-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

I for one have never been "deviant" with a female when I was young. I've never also been all "flattering" because that just seems like you want to get in her pants too, or something.

Which I might. But it just seems ... deviant and "bad" especially when it seems that's all you want.

So when a guy runs off with "his", and laughing in your face about it and it just rubs in your face... it makes me feel extremely bad. They're getting 'love' and I can't even make friends, even when I tried, because it seems I need to be "aggressive" about it. yea it might take time, and they might also become "friends" for a time, but even in that initial "friends" thing, you need to be aggressive about being "friends".

Now of course I'd like to "get some" or just have a relationship, but it's always the same way with relationships and even "friendship."

You know that I would like something.. it drives me nuts. But you stay in your "own world" and you just wait, and stay to yourself, for your prince charming to co-erce you or usurp your "will", sweeping you off your feet.

Do women ever want to have their own conscious choice of mate or do they want to just be taken for a ride every time and not mind whenever this guy shows interest in your but since he hasn't been more aggressive you either think nothing of it or just forget about it and become ignorant of him.

I'm just afraid. Very afraid. WTf.

[edit on 23-4-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

You expect me to go to bars and clubs all the time, "on the hunt", searching in vain it seems. I'm not at all into that stuff. I might go to a club with a group but I don't have a group. I've never been to a club. Nor have I ever been to a real party. Even if I did I doubt it would be any good because of this.

Why can't it just be normal, and equal. We both can approach, not just, all the weight on my shoulders and mine only.


Women that do approach are then probably either desperate, or will be seeking for approval? Or out of feeling sorry?

Well as I said.. I will only really show until after I've known her for some time, and feel more comfortable. But when I just meet her, I'm still a 'stranger.'

If I try anyways, not to be aggressive, and wait till I get to know them. I may appear weak, because I wasn't aggressive from the beginning.

Sigh..

It'll never end.

Enough already. How many threads are you going to start about this?
You want sex not love so go see a prostitute.

[edit on 24-4-2010 by riley]

sex will make you feel better,then when your happy,happyness will bring you the love. besides,we all sometimes want to act dominant and hit on women,its a nice game. only when were not good at it then we moan XD
but if you ask me its much more interesting when a woman is interested in you,and she actualy comes and talks to you,and wants to learn more about you.its great^^

Girls don't want anything other than sex it seems.

I had girls tell me that "we're just friends, don't come on to me, because friends don't do that, you must be my boyfriend".

When I ask her, what does it take? She tells me some time being friends and getting closer.

But some guy who she hardly knows comes on to her, and she's all over him, and they're not even friends...

Or some girl doesn't want to be my friend, because "she doesn't know me that well" or "like that". But she doesn't even want to get to know me, so she doesn't know who I am yet she's deciding already that she doesn't want me. She tells me friends do not have sex, only a boyfriend can compliment her. But some guy who she just meets, they're hanging out, being "friends", and having sex in no time. Or she doesn't even have to be friends.

Men and women are even hardly ever friends. It's very hard if you're sexually attracted to them. Especially for the guys that have a hard time when they're sexually attracted, because they aren't confident that they can impress the girl and they want them so bad. If they do become friends it's either because it's not sexual, because it is sexual. But if one party only has sexual attraction, usually if it's the male and not the female, they can't be friends. Otherwise the women would probably use him and make a fool of him. Usually anyway.

It's a huge double standard. Because what works for others doesn't work for me, she plays by different rules and principles. She tells me one thing and does another.

Therefore I become afraid of showing anyone how I feel, and that just makes it so my feelings become unheard of and unrecognized, even if recognition might lead to something great.

Because not only do I feel she doesn't want it, but that it's just wrong, morally. Because that's how she made me feel, but it's moral for her to be with another guy for those very same "immoral" reasons.

I guess.. I'm speaking especially of sexual attraction here.

Girls don't want to do relationships before they get into sex,they dont want to get to know a person seriously before getting into sex,because they might have to get into a relationship. That's too serious for them, and weird, and creepy. A serious guy is about as serious creep. They dont want serious, they want lust. Lust is their sole motivating factor for a relationship, IF they want a relationship.

Yet they go around saying that lust as a motivating factor is wrong, but that's what they do, the majority of time.

Who can blame me, it's natural being that I am a virgin to think about it all the damn time. People are having it all the time or have had it that they're just tired of it. It's no big thing. I've not even started yet because I'm a 24 yr old virgin. And for that very reason, I will continue being a virgin.

[edit on 24-4-2010 by The Quiet Storm]

I feel uncomfortable about any expectations others have of me! but then I think, do they have those expectations? or is it me placing those thoughts/expectaions in my own mind?

I think it's a bit of both! and I think in your situation, you have this whole picture in your head of how ladies are and what they expect, when it really is only your narrow misguided view! it's really not like you paint it to be! and numerous people have said this to you on threads, but you keep coming back with the same narrow view, like you haven't listened to a word of what has been said! please read the replies and listen to what's being said!

All women are different! you can't tarr them all with the same brush! ok I have known girls who like to be with what most would see as an aggressive person, why do they do it you ask? I have no idea! maybe they see a challenge? maybe they want to be dominated? maybe they are scared of the intimacy/love and equal roles of most relationships? are scared of letting someone in? there could be reason after reason! but you don't want that kind of lady, so don't look for her, why even give her a thought?

I've known women who are the polar opposite! love to wear the trousers. be the dominant one in the relationship, my older sister is a shining example of this type of person! she wouldn't have it any other way.

I myself am about as aggressive as a feather! i'm sensitive, not into most guy things, and about as macho as a frail old lady! I never had trouble finding women who like the type of person I am! I rarely approached a female first! and let me tell you, I ain't the best looking of blokes!!! but because I wasn't bothered back then, that wasn't a worry for me! and I think looking back, those women could see I was pretty comfortable in my own skin! don't underestimate the vibe you give off!
the only problem I had, was never letting myself get close enough to actually begin a proper relationship! they scared me! so I just had fun! you sound like you want the same.

I think you need to really have a look at where those views of yours stem from! and actually start talking to different women without a pre judgement! only then will you actually be able to see all the difference in people out there, you need to place yourself in those environments/situations you're scared of and be yourself! don't think that you have to put on an act, get comfortable and you will see the world of females is not as straight cut and one sided as you currently think.

You say you find it hard to even compliment a girl, well that's just you! not everyone likes to give compliments freely, and who says you have to? they roll of my tongue with ease, but that's just who I am and I feel comfortable that way! everyone is different, and you seem to be putting so much unnecessary pressure on yourself about the smallest of things! just relax, and stop putting that pressure on yourself! it serves no good purpose.

Who says you have to go to bars and clubs to meet women? those are not the only places women are found! there's plenty of places, library, coffee shop, at the store, the internet, gym.....it's endless! just start talking to someone, talk to someone on this site, you don't have to be looking to hook up, just get to know the opposite sex a little more, and learn to be more comfortable around them! why not right? you have nothing to lose!

I don't know what else to say to you that hasn't been said elsewhere? I'm certainly not the best at giving advice! but things aren't gonna change unless you take a step forward and start experiencing the things you're afraid of and have seemingly allready made your judgements on unfairly, and without any real experience!

Ok that's me done! just put yourself out there! I really wish you all the best and sincerely hope you evaluate your views soon, and that somebody can help you see things differently!

Good luck to you!









[edit on 24-4-2010 by valiant]

[edit on 24-4-2010 by valiant]

when your friends or coworkers with someone and you feel that you like each other and in the end you start kissing: thats love huh XD
or sometimes love can be spontanous,but those girl that tell you you need to be close first,and go have sex with man they dont know...screw them

I feel the need to step in at this point and give you some advice although I try really hard to avoid this forum. It's just that all of your posts and threads seem so concentrated on this subject.

Remember the expression 'A watched pot never boils.'

Women will pick up on your apparent issues concerning relationships from a mile away. You seem fixated on this- no offense.

Take a deep breath and stop looking, analyzing, obsessing, and trying so hard. When it is meant to be, it WILL be.

I mean all of the above in a 'cruel to be kind' fashion. Step back and have some patience. If not, all you will do is run into more problems, feel even more hopeless, the situation will be exacerbated, and end up in a bad relationship and will find yourself back at square one asking, 'Why can't I find a good woman?'

Work on yourself first and all things will come in time. The more you fixate, the more women will sense the desperation and hostility and your chance of success becomes more slim.

Originally posted by AshleyD
Work on yourself first and all things will come in time. The more you fixate, the more women will sense the desperation and hostility and your chance of success becomes more slim.

Just to add to your point with which I am in total agreement.

As a man, you can't feign indifference either as a means to an end.

Women (and some men) sense sincerity, sense true dignity, and sense if one is trying to use them as a means to an end.

The ONLY formula is be yourself and let the chips and relationships fall where they may.

The alternative is a horrible way to go through life ... not to mention the regret one faces when they find out that what the other person wanted is who they were in the first place resulting in a connection missed because the man was too busy trying to figure out how to be instead of being themselves.

[edit on 24 Apr 2010 by schrodingers dog]

cant really agree,70% of the young women dont sense when theyr being used for the one night stand. just see them,its like they want it.

Originally posted by The Quiet Storm
Girls don't want anything other than sex it seems.

I had girls tell me that "we're just friends, don't come on to me, because friends don't do that, you must be my boyfriend".

When I ask her, what does it take? She tells me some time being friends and getting closer.

She was being more polite than she needed to be. She said she only wants to be friends.. so what did you do? Proceeded to ask her how to get into her pants. Classy.

Originally posted by Stillalive
cant really agree,70% of the young women dont sense when theyr being used for the one night stand. just see them,its like they want it.

"Like they want it"?

Is this from personal experience or are you making judgments based on what you see through bedroom windows? You both need to stop blaming women for your sexual inadequacies.

[edit on 24-4-2010 by riley]

personal experience,but no im wroong,100% of the girls in my country
and 35% in the rest of the world.
dont believe me? lets see story time XD
so like im suppose to leave my country,only one month left.
i was at work the other day,i went down for a little brake.
so im just resting,while a girl i work with comes down also.
and she just starts the converstaion with "but what would you if there is no work in germany"
thats the way the bulgarian thinks "noo dont take risks"
"live in misery""work a job for 225euro when in europe they pay 1200euro"
"smoke weed/cigaretes,and drink vodka and be cool,and maybe a girl wll sleep with you!"
"be scared if your boss will fire you"
axaxax sorry i think that life isnt for me,or for any other young man,ill just go live in germany where i can do charity couse my salary isnt Frik@@@ 225euro a month! and where girls are nice,just like the rest of the world

well..hmm..im sorry,lately theres lots of those threads,and we cant let personal experiences change our way of thinking for all people.
im sure the op didnt meant that for all girls.
theres lots of fine women,writing to them its what keeps me going until go there to actualy go out with them XD

Your over thinking this issue dude, females are not that complicated in theory only in practice, and if people on this thread can sense your whinyness female types will pick it up from milles away. They dont like that in potential mates because thats there job, and I guess the whole males chasing female thing is society structure, men were hunters gatherers females were homebodies and took care of young and did femaley things. I guess it's a structure thing thats rooted in primordial conditioning men got stuff and showed that stuff of to impress females, and females went for whatever impressed them I quess thats why they dont chase because they dont have to, things come to them. The curent society is derived from that so it still aplies. Basically if a female is not attracted to you dont even waste your time, if she wants to be friends, dont bother just move on.

ah if it was so easy to impress a female,here in bulgaria i can drive a car,have money and a shiny job on 20 years old,be a good lover and all,and she will still reject me if i ask her out on a caffee

Originally posted by TrueAmerican

I'm just being honest. I don't want to make every woman seem to be liek just a peice of tail but come on does it seem like that's how the media and society want them to treat themselves..? and majority may not even know it?

[edit on 24-4-2010 by The Quiet Storm]



Mod edit: removed quoted text

[edit on 24-4-2010 by Duzey]