My Life is a Lie

This realization came to me today:

I am dying a slow death.

The last couple of years has been extremely boring. Nothing "special" has happened to me. In the eyes of others, I am uninteresting.

False tears bring pain to others,
False smiles bring pain to yourself.

Life has pretty much been a huge lie for me. Everything that I do socially is artificial. I try hard to please others and I constantly remind myself that I can't keep this up forever. I don't have the money to pursue my hobbies due to money. My topics for conversation can only be personal like this thread, anonymous and forgotten.

No one around me knows who I truly am because they will not like me if they found out. For that reason, I will live a life of lies and die a slow death.

reply to post by die_another_day


Life has been boring for me as well. Im used goods when it comes to the war economy but no longer will I be used for wrong doing. Money is only temporary for me since in 3 months I will be a civilian again and have a hard time looking for a job, but id rather be a bum in the streets then to kill those who do not deserve to die. I will make my own fate even without anyones help.



[edit on 22-4-2010 by Stop-loss!]

reply to post by die_another_day


Boo Hoo Hoo

Go to a children's ward , and tell them your sad story.

Take a walk to a Homeless Camp and tell them your problems.

And , O Ya

Grow Up

I'm sorry to hear this. Look inside of yourself and ask, "What do you want from life?"

There have been many times that I did not have the money to do things...in fact, it's kinda tight right now. Please realize you are not insignificant... you are an exceptional individual.

When I feel as you do..and I do, I try counting all the blessings I have. I look at all the beauty around me...somewhere, even on a battlefield...there is a small speck of beauty somewhere.

13 years ago, I was going through a 2nd divorce...felt like a failure, and was living in a barn...no heat, no running water, a single lamp and a cot. I went to the library and read for free.

You would be suprised at how many successful people have felt like you at one time or another, many late in their careers were "washed up" with no future... Dwight D Eisenhower, US Grant, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, Angela Lansbury, Thomas Edison, and so on.

Do not equate success and happiness with material gain or money. Find what you want, set a 5 year plan, and then start taking SMALL steps in that direction...it really works.

Anyway, I also suggest spiritual growth. I am a Christian and know for a fact that without spiritual strength and guidance, I would not have made it... I wish you well.

Originally posted by die_another_day

No one around me knows who I truly am because they will not like me if they found out. For that reason, I will live a life of lies and die a slow death.

Well, color me interested.

I might be going out on a limb by saying this, but I'm pretty friken' amazing. And I'm a human being. It just doesn't logistically make sense to me that I am the only one who is so gosh dang incredible. So you, as another human being on this planet, must also be in some ways colossally phenomenal.

What's your superpower?

reply to post by die_another_day


If that's you in the pic... then don't

The artificiality is probably caused by the all-piercing narcissism and materialism which is rotting the world as we speak. It's the enemy of your true self and self discovery.

It's snowing out here, when it's supposed the start of the summer. Quite messed up really.

My life has come to a grinding, boring halt-

And I for one not only like it, I have heaved a 6 month sigh of relief!

No more striving to be something life and whatever is in charge of the universe obviously dont want me to be (successful). I take whatever comes my way, and if nothing does, I nap.

No more trying to win over the opposite sex, because frankly, I shall never be up to the ridiculous and completely asinine standards they expect- And I see the results of their stupidity every day.

No more pleasing the insane, idiot masses who want it all, and yet, dont want anything. I no longer kill myself to please some fascist fool.

I am drama free, almost stress free, and living in a quiet, nice place with 3 cats who think I am their vending machine/ scratching machine. I do 3d stuff, I do work next door, and occasionally, yes- life is so boring, I go and have a nap til it gets exciting enough to get up. Thanks to my body giving out before the rest of me (and sometimes, my mind), I am on disability. I have managed my bills down to less than $300 a month, and in case the power goes out, I have books of almost literally every type to read.

You're about to grow. Breaking out of a shell - shedding away the useless and absurd.

Trying to please others will always leave you empty and exhausted. A lot of times, if we're honest, we are looking for something back - even if it's a silent acknowledgment, and often - it doesn't come.

Become authentic. Real. Find out what that is to you and have an awesome time doing so. Dance naked in the moonlight. Sing your favorite song. Just sit in the sun or nature. Write - find out what your story is, your themes.

You have to give to YOU. Please YOU. Become fullfilled, half the fun is discovering how.

Something special did happen to you this year, Life.








[edit on 4/22/2010 by Whisper67]

reply to post by die_another_day


Please know that you are not the only one who shares these feelings. You are not alone and many people can relate to what you have stated.

Ignore those who tell you to "talk to the homeless" and "research poverty". These people are ignorant about what happiness and fulfilment mean. I am sure there are millions of people around the world far worse off than me financially, but finance and possessions mean little when you are sad inside.

People make the mistake by assuming that because you have a house and have money to buy food you have "no right" to feel empty inside. While I am very appreciative that I do have these things, they are not reasons for me to deny the sadness I feel within myself.

[edit on 22/4/2010 by Dark Ghost]

Aye! Iv'e had this problem before, no worries! there is a solution

the cure for me was making a book list on what i wanted to learn, same with documentaries, getting new clothes,started lifting weights, changed me diet,
listening to a lot of hard trance music and rock(i luv), getting a job, going out and meeting people. get some accessories, check out meetup.com, look at some things your interested in(me i like parkour), create your own life purpose, there are too manny problems in this world for people to be sitting around, if you do stuff that makes memories then you'l be interesting.

just try and have fun and be the change you want to see in the world, and if you don't know what that then make it a first task to find out.

also making your home a suitable social place is a good thing for when friends come over, so have some games, or movies, books etc, and keep it nice, and have fun.

ex. of crazy music im listening to now

and yes chick in pic i like very much

[edit on 22-4-2010 by togetherwestand]

Ive gotta don a mask of normalcy when out in public or with friends and family. Its almost deceptive when they ask what Ive been doing and I reply, "nothing much". Like hell ive been doing "nothing much". My life is far from boring but the life I present to others would certainly seem that way. There is barely one single interest that I have that any of them would have even heard about, let alone support. I am doing my best to imporove humanities condition/situation, giving up personal pursuits in favour of helping others, but know I will never recieve a thankyou, only criticism and insults for my methods that dont include philanthrapy or band-aid temporaries. My spiritual awarness has led me to think of myself as one of the luckiest people on the face of the planet, I wouldnt swap my life for anybodys. Yet people show pity for me and offer me words of wisdom and suggetions about how I could improve my life but although Ive never said this, it is I who pity them.

I can relate to doing "artificial" things just to fit in. But a new depth has appeared to me about such activites, while I dont care one bit about the groups activity, I do about seeing their smiles and hearing them laugh, observing their thoughts and reactions and feeling compassion for them, putting myself in their shoes, its all so facinating. Its like watching a child play with a new toy, your not looking at the toy your looking at the reaction on the childs face when the look at the toy. Thankfully I love people, so although I find their stories about deviation from materialist routines and physical interests rather boring, I could listen for hours.

But its all a bit "fake" the way I try to appear to be showing interest in the parts im supposed to by the status quo be interested in. Yet clever methods can mean one can reveal their deepest truths to others in the process of communing, without it sounding so "far out man". This seems to take a load off the shoulders.

I dont know if Ive been of any help whatsoever I just thought id let ya know others are feeling similar things.
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/c8014306fefd.png[/atsimg]
Thought Id leave you with this. Its a risk to reveal your true self to others, but there is ever a chance they may be far more supportive than you could have imagined. I was dropping faint hints to a friend for a while but he never picked up on them, but then when I just said it right out I was amazed to find he not only supported me but thought similar things, so you never know.

I cant really relate to the dying slowly part though, it seems I just started living for real a few years ago.

Originally posted by Sean48
reply to post by die_another_day

 

Boo Hoo Hoo

Go to a children's ward , and tell them your sad story.

Take a walk to a Homeless Camp and tell them your problems.

And , O Ya

Grow Up

I starred this.

He is right, rude perhaps?, but right.

Go for a bush-walk barefooted.

Go work in a soup kitchen.

Get a hair cut.

Sending a narcissistic plea for help in an internet forum, isn't going to solve your problems. But a change in attitude will. You control your own destiny.

I recommend you read:

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/a4f2a43c7f3b.jpg[/atsimg]

It help define my character.

And then when you are liberated from the stranglehold of your ego. Maybe you could get a new lease on life by reading:

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/b5021c9d79da.jpg[/atsimg]

Victim mentality is going to keep you stagnant.

Originally posted by die_another_day
Life has pretty much been a huge lie for me. Everything that I do socially is artificial. I try hard to please others and I constantly remind myself that I can't keep this up forever. I don't have the money to pursue my hobbies due to money. My topics for conversation can only be personal like this thread, anonymous and forgotten.

No one around me knows who I truly am because they will not like me if they found out. For that reason, I will live a life of lies and die a slow death.

Most of us are living some type of lie, whether intended or not. For others around you to know who you truly are, you must discover that first yourself.

It's NEVER to late to become honest with yourself about your shortcomings and your strengths...then you can transfer your image of self to those that know and love you.

If they cannot accept that, then they are holding you back and must be left behind.

I tell myself all the time It could be worse, then I try to think of ways that it could be worse, and that's pretty easy to do!

Forget the money part, I have a feeling from your post that is weighing on you. I am a golf nut, and due to circumstances I've played maybe 4 times in the last year. You know what? I'm still okay! And when things turn around, which they WILL, I'll take up my hobby again.

Hey, you still got us, right?

Originally posted by polarwarrior

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/c8014306fefd.png[/atsimg]

OMG i love that! lol i always feel awkward on the bus,


[edit on 22-4-2010 by togetherwestand]

does anyone here think that some of these alternative websites are the cause of some of the miseries we feel on a day to day....

I have to say I thought I had a great life before I woke up....now even though most things in my life are pretty much the same I have a feeling of insecurity not only for myself but for my children also...

I don't really discuss this alternative topics with too many people outside of these forums and a few select friends because no one wants to be the " conspiracy guy".
It is pretty hard to feel positive after reading some of the gloom and doom on this forum
Both future predictions and past events....sometimes I wish I could go back to sleep.
Things were better then...I was getting screwed and didn't know it..now I'm getting screwed know it and can't do much about it....

Will we ever know the truth about what's fiction and what's fact...I doubt it

If this has been going on under our noses for so many years can it be stopped

reply to post by navione


Ignorence is bliss, is it not. I found I went through the depressed pahse back when doing all the nwo PTB type research, but when I broke through to a spiritual awakening...I was no longer ignorent but also blissfull

reply to post by navione


Never give up my friend!
the reality hurts but if you can do something to make the world better then don't give in
you should find some real friend who you can discuss with, or find a girl friend and talk to her. also it doesn't hurt to become more credible (social value) so look good and research what you want to explain so you don't look like a kook! facebook myspace, meetup, youtube good ways to post bulletin, message about if anyone believes in certain topic and then if they do, discuss online, then invite to your house or wherever to discuss face to face.

[edit on 22-4-2010 by togetherwestand]

Originally posted by die_another_day
False tears bring pain to others,

...only if you're faking to get attention...

Originally posted by die_another_day
False smiles bring pain to yourself.

...the simple act of smiling (even if forced) is so powerful that it can fool your brain into believing that you're not near as bad off as you think you are... a frown is just as powerful in a negative way, not to mention that frowning gives you more wrinkles (and uglier ones) than smiling does...

Originally posted by die_another_day
No one around me knows who I truly am because they will not like me if they found out.

...if you're a pedophile or a necromaniac, you might have a point there... otherwise, you're probably just presuming the worst of others because you have low self-esteem... iow, you dont like yourself, so why should anyone else like you?... the best way to cure the po-po-pit-a-fool-meez is to do something good for someone else... go mow an elderly person's yard or weed their flower beds...

Originally posted by die_another_day
For that reason, I will live a life of lies and die a slow death.

...get your tater outside and get some exercise...

[edit on 22/4/10 by ghostsoldier]

Originally posted by navione

It is pretty hard to feel positive after reading some of the gloom and doom on this forum

It's called reality, man.. and in some cases not. "Don't open your eyes, you won't like what you see.."

A BS detector is a good thing to have. A lot of negative things happening in the world, sure. Also a lot of good things. Da beast is out of the cage, so to speak, and we must suffer the consequences. Progress cannot happen without realizing the source our current state.