Dealing with extreme selflessness... and how it effects my life.

My whole life I've always been the guy everyone comes to for advice. It's actually pretty crazy, I'll meet someone at a party for example, know them for 5 minutes and they will be telling me their deepest secrets. Something about me just allows people to know they can trust me. So, obviously if random strangers can come up and talk/open up to me, then my friends always did/do as well.

Well, for years I struggled with major depression, partly because I was being given the wrong medications which made me worse, but I figured out that I needed a different kind of medication and I've been doing better since. But the other major piece of this puzzle is my selflessness.

I allow my empathetic qualities towards others get too me - I've gotten better with it but it's still not easy. I'm surrounded by people in my life who constantly need help, although I need help myself sometimes and I have no problem admitting that.

Thing is, I allow other peoples problems to become my own, and because of this I get overwhelmed and push my emotions/issues aside and to the back of my mind, while focusing on the other peoples issues. I do give great advice, unfortunately I don't take my own good advice, if I had done so I wouldn't be were I am today.

So like I said I have gotten better with pushing everyone else's issues aside and focusing on myself - my inner self. I've become spiritual and I love it. But I still have trouble sometimes controlling where my mind is. I want to be selfish (I know that sounds bad but in my situation it's something that needs to be done), I want to care more about ME than everyone else.

Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing?

I mean I do get a sense of happiness from helping others, don't get me wrong, in fact I feel as if my life will be devoted to helping other people in one way or another. But until I get my life straightened out I have to stop allowing other peoples issues in and focus on ME.

You're preaching to the choir here... My wife and I are BOTH like this, so it seems that many weeks, our spare time is spent helping and focusing on others vs. us.

We just try and schedule time for just "us" to ensure we aren't losing sight of our own relationship and needs.

We too, have many things we need to get straight in our lives...but I suppose that part of it is simply faith that karma will catch up to us eventually...

Hang in there, and once in a while, take some time to block off just for YOU...

reply to post by Gazrok


Thanks for sharing

Unfortunately I had to spend a month in jail for 2 DUI's I had gotten, however when I got out I had my 'spiritual awakening' and I basically took a couple months or so to myself, stopped chasing some girls for a little while and just relaxed and tried to find inner peace. That was the best time... I need to do that more often, I really just want to get away from everyone (not run away) and everything, all this society egotistical BS and all the technology which makes life so impersonal. Like I'd rather be having this conversation with you in person rather than typing it on the internet, you know what I mean?

If I could I'd move out to Brazil, in some small village and live a quiet peaceful life, at least for a while to get my head straight.

Yes, I am pretty similar in ways!

I would sooner sit and help someone with there problems rather than acknowledge or deal with my own! and it caught up with me unfortunately! i'm still the same and put my own things to the side still, but I do make a little more effort to deal with them and move forward now! habits are hard to break though.

I have this habit of getting completely emotionally drained! and I just retreat and cut myself of to recharge!