The Toilet Paper Conspiracy

www.youtube.com...

I've been wiping my own butt for over 30 years now, and never, up until recently had I had a problem with little bits of toilet paper sticking to my rear end. There are many brands of toilet paper out there, but I'm sure most ATS readers are aware that they are all owned by Proctor & Gamble.

What I'm proposing is that Proctor & Gamble purposely engineered a TP that leave little bits stuck to your behind. They created a problem, and conveniently charge us more for the solution. Seems to be a lot of that going around these days...


[edit on 21-4-2010 by The Cusp]

Wow...I didn't know Proctor & Gamble owned them all. As far as the little bits of paper, I haven't noticed that yet......maybe cause my butt is older than yours, or maybe cause my moon floss is tougher than yours......hmmm. Might be a moon floss conspiracy to WIPE out any prospective competition, I dunno

reply to post by The Cusp

I've been wiping my own butt for over 30 years now

Congratulations, what a mile stone

I believe there a two major problems in the design on modern day toilet paper. 1. The paper is made into small tear off squares which are so unbelievable weak and brittle. 2. They are not as think as they used to be. From about 4 ply to about 1.

I have always kept a package of baby wipes in the bathroom. Not just because of my daughter and not for everyday use, but every few 'drop-offs' I use those to give my surface a little extra cleansing ( my mother swore
by the wipes while I grew up). This may help with the problem of leftovers as well. I definately hope their is no t.p. conspiracy though.

Originally posted by The Cusp
www.youtube.com...

I've been wiping my own butt for over 30 years now, and never, up until recently had I had a problem with little bits of toilet paper sticking to my rear end. There are many brands of toilet paper out there, but I'm sure most ATS readers are aware that they are all owned by Proctor & Gamble.

What I'm proposing is that Proctor & Gamble purposely engineered a TP that leave little bits stuck to your behind. They created a problem, and conveniently charge us more for the solution. Seems to be a lot of that going around these days...


[edit on 21-4-2010 by The Cusp]

Uh...P&G does not make all the TP out there,
Georgia-Pacific, Kimberly-Clark. Those are just a couple other makers just here in the US.

LOL so funny. This is a classic. I gave you a flag and a star.

But yeah this is serious.

We all remember this thread:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

If you don't like Klingons....go to Russia. I have seen and used TP over there that still had wood chips in it. It isn't as soft as the brands we are used to here. But personally, I'd rather have the cling-ons..than splinters in my butt...

I need TP for my bunghole. Do not make my bunghole angry......

Originally posted by The Cusp I had a problem with little bits of toilet paper sticking to my rear end.

Maybe its not toilet paper.

Originally posted by The Cusp
www.youtube.com...

What I'm proposing is that Proctor & Gamble purposely engineered a TP that leave little bits stuck to your behind. They created a problem, and conveniently charge us more for the solution.
[edit on 21-4-2010 by The Cusp]

Outlandish but true.
But consider the alternatives.
Ponder the old pre-indoor plumbing adage "rough as a cob".
It's better to leave little bits on your behind than to have little bits of your behind leave.

reply to post by The Cusp

I've been wiping my own butt for over 30 years now, and never, up until recently had I had a problem with little bits of toilet paper sticking to my rear end. There are many brands of toilet paper out there, but I'm sure most ATS readers are aware that they are all owned by Proctor & Gamble.

In all seriousness....
I've been griping at my wife for the last year that the paper is causing dingleberries incessantly. She says that the paper is softer now and more preferable as not to "sandpaper the peach". I call BS. This is just a way to get us guys in more trouble with dingelberries, and another way for TPTB to take away time from our families. I'm gonna start using Brawny!!!

What is with all the 'Insert Random Thing' Conspiracy threads lately? The toilet paper conspiracy, the headphone conspiracy, the gummy bear conspiracy, the hand towel conspiracy... I mean c'mon now, this is the type of stuff that so-called "normal" people love to make fun of and gives them more reason to use the stupid label of "conspiracy theorists," as if people like myself sit around all day just trying to find conspiracies in everything.

There is basically only ONE MAIN conspiracy unfolding on this planet, most other little conspiracies are just a product of the main one.

This whole thread made laugh, responses and all. thanks for this and I hope it makes everyone laugh as well.

Originally posted by webpirate
Uh...P&G does not make all the TP out there,
Georgia-Pacific, Kimberly-Clark. Those are just a couple other makers just here in the US.

I'm in Canada, and haven't taken too many dumps south of the border, but I think it's safe to say that Proctor & Gamble have the largest market share. They are in effect their own competition.

1 cord of wood makes 1000lbs of toilet paper and that takes trees & many chemicals. Perhaps we should be making & purchasing hemp toilet paper.

The best paper I've found for the buck today is the Costco Kirkland Brand which is strong, yet soft and the rolls last longer.

Toilet Paper Environmental Information

How can hemp be used to make toilet paper? Both the fiber (bast) and pulp (hurd) of the hemp plant can be used to make toilet paper. Fiber paper was the first kind of paper, and the first batch was made out of hemp in ancient China. Fiber paper is thin, tough, brittle, and a bit rough. Pulp paper is not as strong as fiber paper, but it is easier to make, softer, thicker, and preferable for most everyday purposes.

The toilet paper we use most today is a `chemical pulp’ paper made from trees. Hemp pulp toilet paper can be made without chemicals from the hemp hurd. Most hemp paper made today uses the entire hemp stalk, bast and hurd. High-strength fiber paper can be made from the hemp baste, also without chemicals. According to the U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, one acre of hemp can produce 4 times more paper than one acre of trees!

Some things I notice about my own wiping requirements.

#1. I do not have the physical ability to bend around and inspect the area.

#2. I have no desire use a mirror to inspect it, or have someone else look.

#3. If it's crappy 1 ply tissue I just take more and fold it to a desired thickness.

#4. I shower daily, so the worry over hygiene is mute.

#5. Fold, don't crumple or wad. It reduces sphincter grabbing of the paper.

#6. Wipe a couple times, and then check the paper if you need more cleaning.

#7. Everyone Poops. It's a good book, so read it.........
en.wikipedia.org...

Originally posted by anxietydisorder
Some things I notice about my own wiping requirements.

#1. I do not have the physical ability to bend around and inspect the area.

#2. I have no desire use a mirror to inspect it, or have someone else look.

#3. If it's crappy 1 ply tissue I just take more and fold it to a desired thickness.

#4. I shower daily, so the worry over hygiene is mute.

#5. Fold, don't crumple or wad. It reduces sphincter grabbing of the paper.

#6. Wipe a couple times, and then check the paper if you need more cleaning.

#7. Everyone Poops. It's a good book, so read it.........
en.wikipedia.org...

I just gave you an invisible star!

[edit on 21-4-2010 by valiant]

The Great Cornholio requires TP...

Decent TP.











Are you threatening me?


TheAssoc.

One day soon we will eat recycled food
We will poop into a closed system that will rinse out any leftovers from our anal expulsions.
This closed system will convert the poop back into the original form.
No more toilet paper , no more starvation.
This is the technology that right now is being developed.
It sounds smelly(sic) but think about it, it is the perfect solution.
Adds a warm glow to Mom getting the #s.

I must admit, I was reluctant to venture onto this thread,
discussing ways to rid oneself of biological residue with
assorted paper is a little 'out-there'

But I find that when when Saucy Cyril get's that bicycle
back tyre up to speed, all my 'bark' concerns are allayed.


[edit on 22-4-2010 by A boy in a dress]

This thread is rather disgusting.
Seriously.

Dingle berries?
Guys, good grief. Imagine what the women are thinking about this one.

I figure the best way is to remove all the hair.
Ergo, getting rid of what the dingle berries cling to.

Ugh....all this crap talk is making me nauseated.

Anxietydisorder has his list spot on!