posted on Apr, 18 2010 @ 03:52 PM
I recently had this happen to me in a thread where I did research and posted facts, and very little opinion.
I was demonized for it, and the vile and venom from my "friends" was a vicous attack on me. Why? Because I posted facts that went against their
world view. They had no choice but to question their view of "reality", and in doing so, instead of hating the message they hated the messenger.
It wasn't that I was trying to change anyones' opinions, I wasn't. I was posting information so they could have information about both sides of the
topic. It wasn't forceful, or "you believe my side of this or you suck", it was just facts. They hated it, and hated me for doing it.
I started getting "foe" U2U's piling in, one right after the other.
One, in particular, turned on me with such vengeance and hatred that I did look at myself.
I asked myself, how I could have befriended someone that with little to no prompting would attack me the way they did? How I thought I could have
known someone well enough to have made that mis-step in my own judgement, that we could talk, have discourse in conversations, yet remain strong and
healthy friends in the interim?
I realized that it had been me that made the mistake in my judgement of their character, because I went back and reviewed the way they had acted
towards others in similar circumstances, and in my defense of the friendship, I had been willing to turn a blind eye to their treatment of others
because it wasn't happening to *me*. This was my first mistake.
When it happened to *me*, I then realized yes, I had made the mistake of befriending someone that was so obviously a fair weather friend, that there
was nothing genuine there.
In recognizing this, I realized that I disliked the person, not only for their behaviours towards me, but the way they also treated others that had a
difference of opinion in the past. I was the one at fault for letting my judgement lack.
At first, I blamed them, which was my second mistake. I realized I was in the wrong all along, and blame no one but myself. They were not who I
thought they were. My bad. But. During the course of events, they ended up revealing a side of themselves that made me dislike them very strongly. In
other words, I saw their true colors. Moreso because it was directed at me.
It had absolutely zero to do with the thread, the topic of discussion, opinions, politics, or anything else. It was everything to do with how they
treated others, and then how they treated me. Friends don't treat friends that way.
A real friendship is one where two people can disagree, laugh, and move on. Real friends do not attempt to change someones' mind, or to "educate"
them, that is the equivalent of trying to change them. If you present something, and someone doesn't agree, then fine, agree to disagree then.
In fact, I would have to say you made the mistake in your character assessment of this person, (the hypothetical one) and they were not truly
deserving of your friendship. Perhaps it just took you that long to get to know them that well.
It wasn't so much the topic, but the fact they would be willing to judge you to such extremes as to end the friendship. Apparently, your value
systems and beliefs of what a friend is, is rather different from theirs. You would have been the one that made this mistake, not so much them,
because you misjudged them to be deserving, according to your belief system.
Hate may perhaps be a strong word, but I will choose stongly dislike. Sometimes, the way I see people talk to one another it nauseates me, as it is
even bad treatment to talk to an animal in the manner that I have seen people spoken to on here.
Had they been a true friend, it would have been treasured instead of thrown away. It is childish in that one must have the maturity to accept people
as they are, differences of opinion included. Those who cannot lack the maturity to do so. This is necessary not only in friendships, but in all
relationships, marriage included.
Imagine what the world would be like if we all agreed on everything! Learning to allow those differences allows growth, and that growth may be in a
different direction than yours, but that neither makes that person wrong nor right, just different, and that is precious.
It is how they address you, and share their differences of opinion that makes it matter. Treating you with the respect that you deserve, and having
the maturity to accept you - differences an all, is what makes it or breaks it. When tones turn derogatory, negative, spiteful, or hateful, then it is
time to revisit your assessment of that person.
True friendships are rare, and the man who can count all of his friends on one hand is rarer, indeed. To have one true friend is far better than to
have 10 fair weathered friends.
Bless those that truly care for you as a person, and treat them with the respect you wish to have bestowed upon you.