Why do we "Hate" Those With Whom We Disagree?

It seems that here on ATS, and in life in general, people can get along fine, but when they come across a belief that they don't agree on, there's something that sparks inside them - something that says, "I don't like this person anymore".

For example, let's say I've taken up walking with my neighbor everyday as a way of getting exercise. We talk about our lives, our pets, our families and so on as we walk and get to know each other. One day, the subject of abortion comes up. Turns out I'm staunchly pro-choice and she's staunchly pro-life. We talk a little about why we feel the way we do and I notice that from that point on, she seems a little less open, a bit more critical, and eventually, she starts making excuses for not being able to walk on our daily routine.

I determine that she no longer wants to walk with me because of my stance on abortion. Now, neither of us are of an age to have an abortion, our reproductive years behind us, but for some reason, the very belief, because we disagree on it, has come between us and we are no longer "friends".

I don't understand this! The above story didn't really happen to me, it's just an example of what I've seen in life, but mostly here on ATS. How is it that two people who obviously like each other can suddenly turn and dislike each other when they discover that they disagree on something? Isn't that bizarre? Did they expect that they'd agree on absolutely everything? Is that what friendship is?

I've been fairly successful in remaining friends with people, even though we have VERY different beliefs. I actually enjoy a civil debate very much. But I can't help wonder why some people let a difference of opinion ruin friendships. People hate me for my beliefs. They don't know ME, but because I have a certain belief, I become the enemy, the hated opponent... And I don't mean just me, I mean anyone. Do you find that to be the case? Do you hate people with whom you disagree, even if they've never done anything to you? Do you find that people hate you when they find out what you believe?

Why is it that someone who believes 9/11 is a conspiracy and someone who believes the official story, for all intents and purposes, HATE each other? What is it about having a different belief that sparks dislike, criticism and hatred? Do people expect their friends to share ALL their beliefs?

These questions run through my mind and I thought it might be interesting to see if other people have the same experience. Thank you for your thoughts.

Great thread BH, and I certainly agree with your premise.

I've never felt that way towards a person who simply had a different belief, unless ofcourse if they acted like they were better than me because of it.

However, I can see in your example, how a pro-lifer and a pro-choicer can be at odds and how it can have a profound effect on a friendship.

Those specific issues, abortion, religion, civil rights among others are the "hot button" topics of our time. The media continually spins a story of division and seperation about any of these topics.

This is why the 3 letter news agencies all have their own "flavor" of the news. It's to cater to one specific demographic. I think it's somewhat human nature, or perhaps programmed behaviour to be aprehensive about those who do not 100% agree with you.

I built my social circle around people who mostly disagreed with me, simply because I am of the school of thought that if your beliefs and opinions are never challenged, you'll never learn anything.

The internet has played a big part, I think we see more of that hate/hate relationship because of the anonimous nature of the internet. The no fear zone that exists online in public forums like this, which give the user the ability to say whatever comes to mind, without really needing to provide intelligent rebuttals.

It's far easier to hate on somebody than to take the time to properly educate when they are wrong about facts, or attempt to debate the matter without allowing personal emotion into the fray.

Edit: Grammar & Spelling...

~Keeper

[edit on 4/18/2010 by tothetenthpower]

I can disagree with people and not "hate" them. I don't "hate" anyone,even if I "hate" their beliefs! I may also decide to not associate with someone whose thinking I find repulsive,but I still do not "hate" them.

I would like to see this subject of "hate" discussed in depth,because it permeates so much of the dialogue I see and hear. It is very worrisome to me. "Hate" is too strong of a word to be used so casually,in my opinion.

Hopefully this topic will stimulate some well-thought out analysis on this problem,because I am at a loss for words to describe it.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
Why do we "Hate" Those With Whom We Disagree?

Because they are wrong!!!!

__________________________________


just kidding. Out in normal, mainstream society nobody "hates" someone for being of another opinion BH. Its expected. You only find that type of behaviour with the infantile or emotionally unstable.

I disagree with some of your politics but I think you're a good singer and an excellent poster.

Interesting topic, but I look at it from a slightly different perspective.

If someone I have previously been friendly with starts to 'hate me' because of my beliefs, the first person I'm going to look at will be myself. Perhaps it's the manner in which I convey those beliefs to them that causes them to to dislike me and not the actual opinion.

Originally posted by Duzey
Interesting topic, but I look at it from a slightly different perspective.

If someone I have previously been friendly with starts to 'hate me' because of my beliefs, the first person I'm going to look at will be myself. Perhaps it's the manner in which I convey those beliefs to them that causes them to to dislike me and not the actual opinion.

That's a great point Duzey, I had never though of it that way. People should look at themselves first if somebody has a problem with them.

Poor or emotionaly driven communication skills are probably the #1 reason for any of this hate that we see in our daily lives.

~Keeper

The difference, in many cases, between dislike and hate is the depth and intensity of the emotions behind the discussion.

If a person is discussing something of little importance to them, they will attach little emotional importance to it.

If a person discusses something of significant important to them, they will expend more energy in the discussion, and will have a greater emotional response to it.

If a person discusses something that is "life and death" to that person, the outcome of the discussion will be of such a magnitude, that their future perceptions will be influenced by the mere memory of that discussion.

In your example, if you stated that anyone who had an abortion had committed murder, and that neighbor had, in fact, had an abortion, then you had specifically called her a murderer. Add to that any significant guilt she might internalize about that "choice," and she may have a profound reason to respond in a defensive-agressive manner toward you in the future.

Discussing Jesus versus Allah between respective believers will cause a similar response.

If a person perceives a serious impingement upon their beliefs, that may be enough to engender "hate."

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


I could not agree with you more, BH, it seems to me people are so strongly wrapped in their convictions at times, that they do not realize when they stand their ground in the way you have explained, they essentially are becoming a dictatorial idiot.

We as humans need to remember, we are not perfect, nor is any other person, on this planet.

But, it is often Government playing us against each other, or the ignorance of racism which makes us vulnerable to our own weaknesses of character.

In the case of the woman you mentioned, is she has strong convictions, but has a low quality character.

I used to be, as a child and teenager, extreme "right-wing" in my political and Christian beliefs, and I had to learn many hard lessons to not be so ignorant.

Am I saying that "right-wingers" are ignorant?

No, I am actually claiming I was ignorant, and I was "right-wing", and I chose to not be that way anymore.

I am neither "right-wing" nor am I "left-wing", but I walk the middle path.

Because quite simply, I see both sides have flaws, and or idiosyncrasies I am not willing to side with.

Threads like this and our friendship, between you and I, are exactly why I love who you are.

A kind-hearted, caring, and thoughtful individual, who knows how to kick butt too.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/ff58fa70a51e.jpg[/atsimg]

While that picture says "Imagine A World Without Religion" I will make a caveat to that.

Imagine A World Where Religion Was Not An Excuse To Promote Peace, By Going To War, To Defend Your Passive Stances.

In other words, defending one's religion, is not an excuse for hypocrisy.

Deny Ignorance.

Originally posted by Duzey
If someone I have previously been friendly with starts to 'hate me' because of my beliefs, the first person I'm going to look at will be myself. Perhaps it's the manner in which I convey those beliefs to them that causes them to to dislike me and not the actual opinion.

That is a great point! I know I have a very harsh way of talking sometimes. I've been told this all my life. And on the Internet, people don't have the experience of the other, more positive aspects of my personality to balance it out... That makes a lot of sense. Thanks for that perspective.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


that is true, i like your picture is taht your dog?

what is your free life is actually what you are absolutely positive about so it stays free you see

the problem is when you see a shadow, it is futur problem which mean present death, because present is futur light of its shining brightness

so yes the concept of absolute you got is right

now also your analyze is right, i mean what we dont love we dont hate it either, it is the opportunists that can care to hate meaning to pretend a justification of self acts as objectively living

it is sure that expressions in objective space do release a lot of tense in all kind of ways, because awareness of existing is a fact of existing true, it is the awareness of objective existence so the least it is about existence soruce, so the fact that you exist without any doubt make you feel well by moving anyway around out, any recognition you got by simple fact of letting you move freely, is a sense of living free as a concept light that dont have to worry then again about existing still, you can move whatever differently, and reality moves would always be different when it is based on moves too

so who think before moving are rare especially who mean to think right moves as absolute positive belonging ones

but i agree with your suggestion that hate is not justified when you dont absolutely like someone
by the presence of a point about that one living you dislike absolutely
you could sense suffocation as the sign of your death because what a futur is saying that you dont exist from what that living could be absolutely existing for him in that reference space of truth existence absolute reference, accepting his future absolute life reference is denying absolute life being truth since it is not your truth of absolute living, so you better move away a bit with a friendly wave

i did realized in my life a lot of points for that issue, i also love to stay friends with everyone that i talked to
abstractly of course because freedom of moves is very importatnt to me too

hate is justified when agression is objective reality living by killing you,

now disagreements can be justified by clarifiying the different concepts livings means as existing both ones, that would release the sense of missing your absolute lviing means reference as positive one your existence is

Originally posted by SpartanKingLeonidas
Threads like this and our friendship, between you and I, are exactly why I love who you are.

I had you in mind while writing this thread. We disagree on many things, even some "hot-button" issues, yet we remain very close. I wish I had more relationships here like the one I have with you.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


The first thing that popped into my head was respect, they lose respect for one another,

Not necessarily hatred.

I know how hateful "SOME" pro choicers are and that too is a matter of respect and values.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


Is human nature, been different and wanting to be different is part of been human.

Perhaps when we reach enough enlightenment we may share some collective mind.

But hell that will be so boring, my friend.

reply to post by Duzey



Good point, I had a horrible run in with posters from another forum over the abortion issue, they actually tried to talk me into committing suicide, so now I am very leary.

Honestly I have not gotten over it yet, which is my problem.

reply to post by marg6043


Boredom sounds pretty good to me actually, some days visiting the forum has such a negative impact on my nerves.

I think I will go plant some flowers.



[edit on 023030p://bSunday2010 by Stormdancer777]

Because we are a pack of assholes, no matter how you look at it.

The main thing that winds me up and makes me want destroy the other person, is when they preach all this New Age Crap. Even seeing New Age avatars makes me want to smash my PC into a thousand pieces, but that's probably because I am from the dark side or so they say.

I sick of freaks trying to tell me I have to be happy, or have to be at peace, or I need to be saved.... WHY? what if I don't want them things, what if I enjoy the opposites more. I see it this way, if I am not happy and don't expect to be, I created no expectations or attachments to happiness, and I certainly don't create a false sense of self.

I like to look at things from a Realist point of view, pretending everything is OK and pretending I am happy all the time "Isn't part of my plan" and always ends in disaster. So as long as the New Agers keep the hell away from me, and keep their stupid beliefs to themselves "I have no other reason to hate anyone I disagree with"

reply to post by Stormdancer777


That is very troublesome, wanting for somebody to commit suicide, anything like that in a post commands immediately ignore of the persons involved.

I would never waste my time with people like that. . .

reply to post by NotAgain


That's a really good example of exactly what BH is talking about.

So much hate, over nothing...

~Keeper

reply to post by NotAgain


NotAgain, dear god, you'll have a stroke, calm down,

reply to post by Stormdancer777


I know exactly what you mean, I have high blood pressure and sometimes debating is not a healthy thing.

But I have learn to just ignore comments in posts that are only made to ignite controversy.

Is better to let someone else have the last word sometimes. . .