posted on Apr, 14 2010 @ 12:48 PM
I hope this is the proper place for this thread. Anyway here goes.
I talk to myself. Okay, you're probably thinking, "Everyone does that." Typical self-conversation is usually one-sided, thinking aloud. My talks
are not one sided, and they are not thinking aloud. I seem to be experiencing a rapid progression toward two independent entities in my head. Each
one is me, yet not entirely. We talk aloud to one another, and amazingly have very invigorating conversations. Now I have studied schizophrenia and
multiple personality disorder, among other psychological disorders, and I experience none of the symptoms of such. Those who suffer from multiple
personality disorder are not aware of all the personalities within them. They typically experience periods of "black outs", during which time
different personalities emerge and take control of the person's body and mind. When the alternate personality secedes, the original "default"
personality may reemerge, with no memory of what happened during that time. I do not experience anything like that. I am fully aware and conscious
of the two entities that I engage conversation between. I also am in full control of what each entity says. It's almost like I am reciting lines
from a play involving two characters. I do not know why I do this. My voice is different for the two entities. One is a philosophical deep thinker,
and "he" has a calm, higher voice. The other claims to be an intelligent scientific thinker, and "he" has a demanding voice that is much deeper.
I can not explain why this is happening to me. You might say, "You seem sane enough to just stop doing this," and you would be right. I do not
engage these conversations when people are around, because I would certainly be labeled as insane. But the problem is, I actively seek chances to
become the two people and carry on good conversations with.
I do not believe I am crazy. Strange things have been happening in my mind lately, though. I am actually diagnosed with
. It is a mild depressive syndrome that is long term, as opposed to a severe depressive
syndrome that may only be very short term. Recently I almost had a nervous breakdown for no reason. I was at a restaurant with my immediate family
for my niece's birthday. Out of nowhere I began to feel extremely anxious. I had the strong urge to talk with the two entities I have described,
but I had to do so as quietly as possible and with little lip movement. This time, there was no conversation. I was only blabbering silently to
myself single words like "can't", or "don't". It took every sane fiber in my body to resist bursting into tears and collapsing. I don't even
know why. There was nothing traumatizing happening to me. Nothing to make me feel the way I felt: utterly helpless and afraid. I got over it after
several minutes. I don't think anyone but my wife noticed. Everyone else just assumed I wasn't feeling well (I didn't say a single word to anyone
the entire time).
I consider myself a fairly practical and slightly intelligent guy. I can usually piece things together and figure out the puzzle. And my
puzzle-solver tells me that these two "personalities" within my head and this recent panic-attack are not unrelated. Could I be experiencing early
symptoms of a serious mental problem? Someone, please help. I will not appreciate rude comments at all. Thank you all.
Edit to remove "Help" from title.
[edit on 15-4-2010 by OrphenFire]