Okay, I'm going to lay everything out for you all here, and see what you come up with. Any help with this would be greatly appreciated because it
may hold the key for a lot of things for me - including WHY I am still here and what I need to do to accomplish it.
I'm going to try and shorten this story [of my life] as best as I can so you don't have to sit here for days reading.
I have been through a lot in my short time here on earth in this lifetime, I am still in my youth but have been through more traumatizing experiences
then most have, and will go through in maybe a few lifetimes (this is not gloating, trust me I'd have rather have not gone through them all, but they
have made me who I am today so I guess I need to be thankful for learning from them, but there is more so this is where you all come in to try and
help me piece this together).
To make this quicker I am going to list the things that have happened, the largest NDE's that I can put together for you all to see.
- Car crash, hit a telephone pole going approx. 45mph with no seatbelt on, break the telephone pole in half and live to tell about it with a small
cut on my forehead and some scarring on my left arm due to airbag impact
- Overdose #1, can't speak for how exactly close of a call this one was, but it ended with me in the ICU and a few "Your lucky to be alive!" from
- Overdose #2, this one I definitely should have died, I was told my liver should have failed definitely, and the fact that I lived was unexplainable
basically, they said I should at the very least be on dialysis the rest of my life, I was in the ICU for 4 days and left just as healthy as I went in
with no idea how that was even possible
- Overdose #3, I drank myself into oblivion, ended up with a blood alcohol of .38 and I'm a small guy so I should have not survived, if anything I
should have been in a coma (check up on how blood alcohol levels work and you will see what I mean. I was found on the side of the road not
breathing, with a low pulse, ambulance saved my life somehow, woke up a day later in recovery - once again lucky to be alive, no idea how my liver
once again survived this either
The overdoses, the first one was intentional, and to explain this quickly for you all, I had undiagnosed bipolar for years and was being treated with
the wrong medications (SSRI's of course!) for those years which in fact made me worse, and because of my knowledge in the area of pharmacology I
ended up figuring this out and am now stable. The 2nd overdose was semi-intentional, I had taken a small overdose of a very strong muscle relaxer
(Soma's) and thought (at the time of being 'out of it') that it was OK to keep taking more, ended up taking 120 of those, along with a few bottles
of other stuff, once again I'll repeat I have no idea how I survived this. The alcohol poisoning was also something that definitely should have
killed me and yet I survived, and my liver to this day is in perfect shape (all things considering). Blood tests have come back fine in the past, I
currently need to get a new one but I have no signs of anything wrong with me so it sort of speaks for itself right now.
Now, the reason I made this thread is because I know that I am here for a reason still. Not many people can say they've experienced these things and
lived to tell about it. I know some of you can sit here and debate as to why I am still alive in medical terms and scientific terms and tell me it's
just a matter of body chemistry, I understand why you'd think that but there is more to my life then what I've just told you, so understand I
didn't divulge into other things, these are just the main NDE's I wanted to share because they are critical for you to understand the point of this
WHAT I want to know is WHY I am still here. My whole life I have always been very good at putting myself into other peoples shoes, and understanding
their issues. I have had many people who don't even know me come up to me and within 5 minutes tell me things they've never told anyone else,
people feel like they've known me for years and can trust me. I am a very sympathetic person who tried to trust everyone, even though I've been
screwed over more times than I care to share. I am a very trustworthy person, that is no lie, and someone who is able to connect with others very
quickly - this is a character trait of mine that I love, but it has hurt me very much personally as well. My whole life I thought being some sort of
doctor, either a psychiatrist or psychologist was my calling because of the skills I possess, but the problem is, is that my whole life during the
times I was deeply depressed were attributed to me taking on everyone else's issues/problems and making them my top priorities instead of thinking
about myself. My selflessness has almost cost me my life, funny how that works isn't it? Now I know that in certain professions that is a daily
occurrence, like working in law enforcement or something like that, however I'm talking about growing up in my teenage years and going through this,
that isn't normal but I know that because of my advice and helpfulness I have saved lives and I am happy to know that.
However, it's time to focus on ME. What I need to know is, is it possible for me to go back and somehow figure out what happened to me during my
NDE's, basically like is in the title and get some kind of 'past life regression' of this CURRENT life I am still living? I want to know what went
through my head at those moments I was either dead or near death. I have some sort of feeling that those experiences may be the key to unlocking some
doors in my life.
Now, I could meditate and meditate and meditate hoping to find answers, and maybe I will. But is there anyone here who may understand what I am
asking, and be able to give me some advice? I have given out so much good advice over the years (plenty of which I wish I personally would have
taken), I believe it's my time to receive some. So I would be very appreciative of any advice on this subject.
To make it short, and to repeat myself more clearly, I want to know what happened to me during those NDE's, what I saw, where I went, what happened
to me spiritually. My past has led me to where I am now, and I've been spiritually awoken and been working on a lot of things including getting my
life/act together, but before I do so I need to fully understand or at least TRY to understand why I am here, what I am supposed to do with my life.
I am having trouble figuring this out, and I feel the key to unlocking this all may lye within those memories I have repressed for obvious reasons...
I was dying, or possibly clinically dead, the details are a bit scattered for me for obvious reasons, so I am hoping someone can put me in the right
I know I am leaving myself very vulnerable here by putting this all out there for you all to read, so I'm hoping you will respect me and please just
stay on the subject of my main question here.
My beliefs are that we are all connected through one consciousness, however we do have a higher self that knows all, but we can only get so much
through meditation and such if you don't know what to ask, or what to look for. That is why I'm thinking that it's very possible that these
experiences I had, which I had while not spiritually awoken, may very well hold the key to my future and why I am still here, alive physically, in the
I will end this OP with this... once again please respect everything I've opened up to in this thread and stay as much on topic as possible. If you
must ask for more details or have specific questions, try and refrain yourself from attacking me in anyway. Spare me the life lesson crap and
understand that I KNOW my actions were stupid in the past, and that I have learned from them all. It looks like I may have not because some were
repeated, I know that, but I am done with everything that was going on in my past, as much as I can be at least. I don't dwell on these things, but
it's come to my attention the key to my life, to my future, may lay in the past. Haven't you all considered that your past has gotten you to where
you are? I'm sure you have, but maybe further analysis of the past could further you personally, help you understand your inner workings, inner
self, higher self, better.
Thanks ahead of times for answers, and sorry for the long post.
[edit on 12/4/2010 by highlyoriginal]
[edit on 12/4/2010 by highlyoriginal]