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North Korean humor

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posted on Apr, 12 2010 @ 02:46 AM
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Following are some jokes from North Korean defectors compiled by Radio Free Asia, a U.S.-government affiliated broadcaster for the region

source:

uk.reuters.com...


***********

* An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a North Korean are having a chat. The Englishman says: "I feel happiest when I'm at home, my wool pants on, sitting in front of the fireplace."

The Frenchman, a ladies' man, says: "You English people are so conventional. I feel happiest when I go to a Mediterranean beach with a beautiful blonde-haired woman, and we do what we've got to do on the way back."

The North Korean man says: "In the middle of the night, the secret police knock on the door, shouting: Kang Sung-Mee, you're under arrest! And I say, Kang Sung-Mee doesn't live here, but right next door! That's when we're happiest!"

*************
* Two men are talking on a Pyongyang subway train:

"How are you, comrade?"

"Fine, how are you doing?"

"Comrade, by any chance, do you work for the Central Committee of the Workers' Party?"

"No, I don't."

"Have you worked for the Central Committee before?"

"No, I haven't."

"Then, are any of your family members working for the Central Committee?"

"Nope."

"Then, get away from me! You're standing on my foot!"


*************

* Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit meeting in Moscow. During a break, they're bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodyguards are more loyal.

Putin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodyguard Ivan, opens the window, and says: "Ivan, jump!"

Sobbing, Ivan says: "Mr. President, how can you ask me to do that? I have a wife and child waiting for me at home"

Putin sheds a tear himself, apologizes to Ivan, and sends him away.

Next, it's Kim Jong Il's turn. He calls his bodyguard Lee Myung Man and yells: "Lee Myung Man, jump!"

Not hesitating for a split second, Lee Myung Man is just about to jump out the window. Putin grabs Lee Myung Man to prevent him from jumping and says: "Are you out of your mind? If you jump out this window, you'll die! This is the 20th floor!"

Nevertheless, Lee Myung Man is still struggling, trying to escape Putin's embrace and jump out the window: "Mr. Putin, please let me go! I have a wife and child at home!"

*************

* Chinese, Russian, Japanese, American, and North Korean police officers gather and decide to assess their investigative capacity.

Under the watchful eye of their supervisors, each team gets a mouse, then lets it loose, and the mouse runs up a big mountain. The winning team is the one that manages to catch and bring back the mouse in the shortest time.

The Chinese police employ human wave tactics, combing every square inch on the mountain in their thousands. They capture and return the mouse after only one day's search.

The Japanese policemen use a smell detector, and after only half a day, they detect the mouse hole, search it, catch the mouse and bring it back.

The Russian cops send a robot equipped with a heat-seeking device up the mountain. The robot locates all the mammals on the mountain and after only three hours the Russians capture and bring back the mouse.

The only ones left now are the American and North Korean police officers. The Americans use a satellite signal device to locate the mouse, and then send in a mechanical gadget that looks like a snake gliding up the mountain.

The gadget gets into the mouse hole, catches the mouse and brings it back after only one hour.

The North Koreans are last. Although the supervisors are watching, none of them makes a move, there is no brainstorming, and no one comes up with a plan of action, nothing at all. After only about 10 minutes, a few North Korean police officers show up dragging a dog before the supervisors, saying they've found the mouse.

All the supervisors are puzzled: "What are you doing? It is not a dog you were supposed to catch! Weren't you supposed to catch a mouse?"

Instead of answering, the North Korean cops drag the dog through the dirt and repeatedly kick it in the ribs. The sobbing dog suddenly starts to talk: "Stop, stop, please stop! Yes, I confess, I'm a mouse! I'm a mouse, please concede that I'm a mouse, or else they're going to kill me!"

***************




posted on Apr, 12 2010 @ 05:28 AM
link   
Some more:

Source:
askakorean.blogspot.com...

******
A: There is a new power plant in Hamheung-si.

B: No, I'm just coming back from there, but I didn't see a power plant.

A: And there is a new chemical factory in Kimjeongsuk-gun.

B: I was there a week ago but I didn't see any factory...

A: Comrade! Stop running around and read the newspaper once in a while.

******

During a lecture, a Kim Il-Sung University professor asked: "What is the difference between mathematics and scientific communism?"

A student stood up and said: "Mathematics requires proof through evidence. But because everything about scientific communism is proven, no evidence is necessary."

******

The representatives from Zimbabwe visited North Korea, and asked for North Korean experts to build a Department of Navy. The North Korean officials were befuddled, and asked: "Why would you need a navy? Your country is landlocked!"

Zimbabwean representative replied: "What do you mean why? Then why does your country have a Department of Culture?"

******

Looking at a painting of Adam and Eve holding an apple in an art gallery, an Englishman said: "They are English, because the man shares delicious food with a woman."

A Frenchman said: "They are French, because they are walking in the nude."

A North Korean said: "They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food, but they think they are in heaven."

******

A CNN reporter visited Pyongyang and met North Koreans.

"America is a free country. If the president is not doing a good job, you can go out to Times Square and say out loud, 'Down with Barack Obama!'"

A North Korean gave that a lot of thought, and proudly replied:

"North Korea is a free country as well. We North Koreans can also go to the Kim Il-Sung Square and say out loud, 'Down with Barack Obama!'"

******
Kim Il-Sung University professor asked the students: "How many different economic systems exist in the world today?"

A student replied: "There are three. Our juche economic system, the capitalist economic system and the Chinese-style hybrid economic system."

The professor asked again: "Then among the three, which system will be victorious in the end?"

The student replied: "Um... I can't really answer that..."

The professor was outraged: "What do you mean? The answer is clear! Our juche economic system is the only system that will prevail over all other existing economic system and become victorious in the end!"

The student stammered and replied: "Yes, I learned that... but when that happens, which country will give us food aid?"

******

The United States and North Korea were having a meeting at Panmunjeom. At the meeting, an American officer stretched his leg and mistakenly touched the foot of a North Korean lady interpreter sitting on the other side.

"Excuse me, miss."

The interpreter blushed, and whispered to a lieutenant sitting next to her. The lieutenant then whispered to the colonel next to him. The colonel then whispered something to the general who was heading the North Korean delegates. The general got up, left the room, and called Pyongyang.


30 minutes later, the general returned to the conference room and whispered to the colonel, who whispered to the lieutenant, who whispered to the interpreter. The American officer was puzzled, because he did not understand Korean.


After all the whispering was over, the interpreter smiled at the officer and said in English:

"That's ok."

******

Kim Il-Sung went on a tour of the countryside and met an old man. Kim Il-Sung asked:

"When were you happier, before the revolution or after the revolution?"

"I was happier before the revolution."

Kim Il-Sung was displeased, but asked again:

"Why is that?"

"Before the revolution I had two pieces of clothes, but now I only have one."

Kim Il-Sung laughed and said: "That's it? Just because of clothes? There are many in Africa who walk around with no clothes at all."

The old man widened his eyes and said: "Africa had two revolutions already?"



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